Handful of Cheese Part 1

A fistful of cheese was walking down the street when he came across a banana trying to change a tyre on an ostrich. The Ostrich was pegging some curtains up on the washing line. The washing line was made of roasted potatoes. I was walking back to high school when I noticed a little Fred. laughing all day. The cat had to jump over the cow for the specific propose of collecting dandelions on the west side of the moon. The dandelions all sung soprano to the tune of old-langsyne. Mr Butter-scotch was surfing the internet with the latest thing in surf boards. everybody who was sick of computers would trash them in a strait line for anybody and everybody to surf on.



In the old days they had dial-up internet which was so slow that it took 3 hours to login to Hotmail to check it. And back then you couldn’t even see the faces of the people who emailed you! The Silly Putty Brigade was fantastic Smurf collectors. Nearly everyone of them had jockey Smurf. The magic number for today is 77.31429. It just comes into my mind so I just type it on a keyboard made of spaghetti. Spaghetti always tastes better after a bottle of chocolate wood. Wouldn't it be nice to be on your side for a change? If you left Chicago at 3 am at a rate of 100mph how many M&M songs would you listen to? The chocolates are planning to take over the world, but watch out for summer because we have a chance if it is hot enough and at the last resort they are deathly afraid of lemons.



If I was a detective I would follow houses advise and stick to the dotted eyes. You need a break for 3 minutes or your brain cannot keep up with your typing. I find that watching Jelly dry helps me to relax a bit more between sentences. I just loaded some firewood onto the fire and now I am running out of a plot to add to my story. But the other day he broke all the writing rules and was banned from the Galaxy for being to loud. I really am a writer and this is my way to let off steam when I get writers bloke and I will never reveal my true identity ha-ha. The last writers block I had, well I used it for firewood and then he dissected all the lyrics of "I am the Walrus" The capitals are capitalised to reveal a secret formula for writing. The capital of my left shoe is "Nonsense" which really doesn't make much since unless you have a who living in a tiny dimension which you just cannot see. No matter what the kangaroo says I will always believe in Santa.



It is determined that it could only be cultivated in the far off reaches of space. In outer space there is hardly an oxygen, so they breathe charcoal instead. Charcoal is grown on the lower teeth of the mediclorions. Ickle Ockle black bottle Ickle Okle ouk. The chimney swept the lasagne off the floor. The cat was forever calculating the velocity of cheese that hits the wall at ice-cream level in tomato paste galaxy. Tomato paste is made of cheese biscuits that lambs can cook and roast in potato flavoured panamas. If history repeats itself, I am a lamb fried banana biscuit with chilly on top. Banana biscuits are made of orange peels and mustard cakes topped with tins of tuna.



Peel the tin and empty the tuna into the bin and slice the tin into thin slices. Ode to a serial killer Brian dinghy has nothing on Gacy, even if bananas are fried every Tuesday  at 3am when it is sunny and 3:15 1/2 am when it is wet.



Cheers Mr Boa-Constrictor. Why did the chicken smoke the road??? Three cheese cakes were marching over a carpet made of floor. Embedded in the rug was a backwards message. It was happy cheesecake day and the Smurfs would shower them in gold before they went of to irritate and harass Gargamel. Many scones worship the god of thunder with all his lips bleeding. The god of thunder always had cheap deals on Cadillac’s, especially if they were blonde with tow legs.



The butter opened the fridge to grab a book flavoured muffin. How many roads must a man walk down before he dies to himself? How much butter will it take for the world to realise it is going nowhere? The Doors, Deep Purple and Iron Butterfly all had songs over 15 minutes in length. People don’t have time anymore tom listen to Beethoven. If I could smell sausages I would eat a banana and have fries left over. To many kids in the pot make it spill clowns onto the floor and you have to mop them up with jet engines. If you overheat curry it might explode into large chunks of lasagne. How many webs sites tell you the square root of .2345676 these days? Not many it’s a conspiracy I tells you. To make a meat pie get some meat and make a pie out of it. If your finger gets stuck on the r key whilst typing the letter f, consider losing 25 pounds. It’s easy to loose 25 pounds, just fly to England and gamble on coco-pops he always comes in third place it’s a guaranteed loss, with sugar on top.





The cops invaded the building and surrounded the crooks how had 15 Oozy 9mm. they booked them for talking to loud in the library and were asked to whisper and also that they had the write to be silent. Silence is golden, to my heart be true. It’s like a painting where the artist throws a bucket of paint at the canvas and calls it a masterpiece. It’s like a spewing of words all arriving on the paper together to forms sentences. I was sentenced to 50 years of drudgery for the IRD, after which I retired to a small 50 room mansion on top of mount Everest. I never got any mail except when I descended to the small town of Manjamuiop, there I would buy 400 bottles of milk and 500 loaves of bread. I sat at the computer once and just typed gibberish for a whole hour and I found that the real me buried deep within the mask started o come out slowly.



I have an appointment with WINZ in 30 minutes so I just went across the road to the library and sat down at a computer and just typed nonsense which is the opposite of sense. Then I logged on and emailed this chapter to myself because I did not bring a memory stick with me. Today I didn’t even bring my purse, when I got to Kiwi-bank I thought I had left it on the bus but then I remembered I hadn’t even brought it! It is 11:46 and it has been about 9 years since I did this. I am 90% shut down and when I get downer, people I rely on shut me down even more. I must warn people that before they attack me and humiliate me, they should make sure that I am not needed for the next week or so.



11:48 are you really that bored? Perhaps a nice title will cheer you up. People must plan the attacks well in advance because I am running out of knives to slit my wrists with. He had a bookshelf full of homemade books just pouring his heart down on paper. Ever wondered what his hundreds of books had written in them? Sick ridicules puppets. I keep a boggit in my closet because you never ever know when the clown is coming to haunt you.  If you are afraid of clowns I have a large spider in my ceiling. The Stationary Warehouse next door has installed photo booths but they have been broken fort over a week now. I like to sit and play around with my photos; recently I figured out that 8X10 is 22.22 X 20.00. 2 minutes on the internet should be enough to email this document to myself so that I can edit it in French and then translate it into ancient Acadian. It’s the Klingon translation that’s the tricky bit.



11:59 I still have a few minutes to type nonsense nonsensibly. 12:00 and I have 15:47 left on the internet. Why does typing all this garbage make me so tired? Am I so shut down that even revealing a small bit of me exhausting? How many marbles does it take to change a light bulb about 135.712 the numbers are numbering in their numbers of a number? Numbering systems are used to number things that need numbering. Did Superman ever do his own laundry? Did Batman ever have to make his own bed, no that was Alfred’s job? We all know that it was Alfred that hired the Joker, Two Face, and the Riddler to kill his boss so that he could get the whole mansion to himself!



Always empty your recycle bin and 3:15 on a Tuesday morning so that it is fresh Wednesday for baking. Right click and choose “Bake a loaf of bread today and then butter it for me too”. Gibberish tibberish 6:01 left on my Internet at 12:10. Time to go to WINZ.



The sound was like banging wet bread against a rock. It sounded like wet bread scraping along a piece of cheese. The sound was like that of a car driving inside a bowl of tomato soup.



The fliggle chumps were gasperating on the charlie chin chizzy flump



Aleph and Beth go shopping down the road at the dairy of the land of Eretes.



They buy a bottle of milk and a tub of buttered bread. On the way they met a wizard named Hameleck who used spoons to dig for toffee apples. He wore a golden hat made of tomatoes and his left shoe was 3 sizes too big. He smelt like elder berries and his mother was a hamster, but he never got the Elder Wand. How the trees glisten in the pudding coloured sky. Like lemons they stood implanted in a field of green milk flavoured grass. The trees had a bad attitude, like pillows who get pissed off at Wensleydale cheese. I was once worried about the price of milk, but after Arthur told me how much they charged these days for a pint of Ostrich juice I no longer complained about bottles of milk. If I wanted to make a statement my tee-shirt would read “Killer is a Fish” Powerful statement that would be. But my last tee-shirt read “I hate Pots” and that received a lot of complaints from public viewers. I once wrote a letter of complaint to Milford Cubical, moaning about the lettuce which I purchased off of two weeks ago of Trade Me. It was rotten when it arrived in my mail box. After roasting it with Salmon and egg I was rather quite ill. Hardly any fish this year flew to the Antarctic. They are known to fly there and mate with stray Hippos. My Teddy bear went through the washing machine the other day. He kindly fixed a loose screw for my that was behind the self-destruct button.



Why do chickens keep crossing roads? They should know by now that all they will see is Ostracises training cats to fetch sticks of dynamite. How to blow up an oven. 1)- Soak dynamite for 3 days in hot vinegar. 2)- Insert into oven at 450 Fahrenheit. 3)- Stand back.



Smithers was the name of a tea-kettle I invited around for dinner once. But once he saw the pigs eye he ran screaming to the blue Moon. I went to the moon once, but the aliens there told me to go home and stop complaining about the price of oxygen which was $200 an ounce. 1/3rd of all mice drive over the legal speed limit, which we all know is 1 Kilo of apples per square cubic meter. I made fuel out of charcoaled bricks once and got quite close to a gallon a litre. If you throw bricks through a window some of them bounce back and hit you on your left knee, not your right mind.



Q: If a kilo of apples voted Labour and all the bananas voted National, who would make the most igloos? They are currently building igloos out of chipped wood. I lost my way to China the other day. I was in a taxi in New York Times Square and I hadn't enough spare change to cross the ocean. Otatoes are often swapped for cabbage in the African Jungles. Jungles are a good source for onion flavoured ice-cream. 14 minutes till the bus arrives. Today is green mag-wheel day. I like eating mag-wheels with soup flavoured spaghetti. The wheels on the bus go round and round but not today.