The Hidden (UNFINISHED)

How could someone I loved so much have hurt me so badly? How could He do that, to me? Why, why had He hurt me? Did He know He made me cry for hours, endless hours, until I could cry no longer because of dehydration.

My eyes swelled for countless days, red and blurry as they were, I couldn't see, or maybe I ignored the many messages He tried to send me but I never read. By text, email, chat, IM, Facebook, Myspace, or any other system, His messages to me went unreceived.

I would never again acknowledge His presence. I cut Him out of my life. I began with a new start, a new cell number, a new email address, and a new home. He wouldn't find me. Ever.

I would forever be the hidden.

* * *

I'm forcing myself to record the following events because if I don't, no one will ever know that they even occurred. And by making them known, maybe I can save some girl like me from Him.

To save face, I will change all of the names of places and people and conceal my own name.

* * *

Freshman year at my private, Christian high school had just begun. I clearly remember taking stock of the new kids-I'd gone to school there since third grade-and seeing Him with my crowd. They all knew Him well, either from the church I didn't go to, or the parties I was never invited to.

My connection, The-Evil-Back-Stabbing-Bitch-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named (from here on out in acronym) called to me and waved me over smiling. I waved back and returned her big smile with my toothless one. Ivy was there too, hanging over His every word in adoration. She didn't let on to anyone else, but I could tell she was attached to Him. Relationships between people were always obvious to me.

Trevin laughed at one of His perverted jokes and slugged him weakly. His bad acne and large, curly, bushy, blonde-streaked hair didn't affect his personality though. Trevin was always a good time to hand out with and very flirtatious with anyone who had boobs.

I stood quietly in the background until the crowd had semi-dispersed. Trevin hugged me hello and walked away with his best friend, Madeline. The two were both tall, thin, and lanky with awkward limbs and enough inside jokes to make me sick to be near them.

I watched Him sparingly, listening to their conversation and analyzing His odd body type: tall, thin, but at the same time chubby with slight moobs(man-boobs). His hair was dark and thin, straight and sticking to his head in a short way, to stick to the strict school dress-code.

Ivy walked off coolly after greeting me and swayed her curvy body flirtatiously, knowing He would see. He watched her lean down to her locker and grab her books and walk off. He cracked some more jokes with Mae and Riley, who were the oddest couple ever because of her small, tiny body and obvious good looks and his awlwardness, acne issues, and awful hair. Although many people thought Mae was beautiful, she always seemed bitter to me, her eyes never fully smiling.

TEBSBWSNBN cackled and tugged her tight shirt lower, hooting as she did. She winked at me and made some gross noises accompanied by hip-thrusts and jerky hand movements. He laughed and she snorted. I walked away silently, not even introducing myself to Him.

* * *

I had one class with Him: Physical Science. It was a boring, easy-A class that I didn't pay attention in. We became friends in the way I generally became friends with people: we spoke often at school and might say hi to each other in the halls but never talked outside of school and He ignored me if He ever saw me.

* * *

In late September my connection to the group, TEBSBWSNBN, invited me to a movie! This was my first real interaction with her outside of school. We'd been friends for a four years but I only stayed the night at her house and went to her birthday parties. I think TEBSBWSNBN needs some facts behind her.....

In fifth grade, we bonded.
In sixth grade, she stole someone's cell phone off the school campus for two months.
She was caught and punished.
I stayed beside her through it all.
In seventh grade, she began cutting herself.
I stopped her and checked on her daily.
In eighth grade, she confided in me that she was what I called "an everything-but slut".

Okay, so now, in ninth grade, we were going to see a movie! And there was a promise of hanging out at the mall after! I was in heaven.

So, her stepdad picked me up and dropped us off in front of the theater. I bought my ticket and waited for her in front of the food concessions. When she walked up to me, I got confused. She had two tickets in her hand. I didn't understand and told her to go back and get her money back for it but she shook her head, smiling goofily. I rolled my eyes at her retardedness and we got popcorn and pop, but as we were just about to walk in and take our seats, a guy walked up. She called him "John" and I immediately recognized his name and knew he was one of her ex-dirtbag boyfriends.

I was confused. I felt hurt. Her stepdad made us promise that we weren't meeting anyone there. She lied to me and him.

We took our seats in the very back row. John, her, and me. As the movie got along, I was the only one eating the popcorn or drinking the pop. His hand was on her bare thigh, playing with the fringe on her mini skirt. She giggled and shrugged at me, like, "What's he doing? I don't know! Haha!" It was almost as if she would stop him. She didn't. He stroked her thigh and moved his hand upward. He put his head in her lap, facing her skirt. I still don't know if she was wearing undies.

She gave me the same look, and again, it seemed as though she would stop it. She didn't. Eventually she left, claiming she had to use the restroom.

By then, I'd figured it all out. I'd been set up as a decoy for her date. I'd teared up a bit when the lights went out, but she took no notice. I used my cell to text my mother of my fate and that she must come pick me up. She felt sorry for me, and agreed to come collect me.

Soon, John was gone too. I hadn't even noticed he'd left. For thirty frightening minutes, I at alone in the theater with my popcorn and soda. At last, my mother texted me that she'd arrived. As I fled the stadium seating I began to cry harder.

Tears streaming down my face, I followed the wide hall to the exit of the movie, but as fate had it, the that bitch and her man-whore were messing around right in front of the doors.

She looked up in time to see me walk by and shrieked. "Hey! Where are you go-"

I walked past her without stopping and broke into a run out of the theater and into my mom's car, bawling harder and harder as she drove, questioning me more and more.

She informed me that everyone at home new of my fate and called the slut's mom and notified her of the situation; she apologized to me.

* * *

I didn't speak to the slut for weeks. I ignored her in the halls. I avoided her everywhere I went like she had a fatal disease. And, eventually, she stopped trying to say sorry, and then, stopped trying to talk to me at all.

I didn't tell any of our friends. I had realized none of them were my friends, the were actually hers. They'd be on her side. I needed new ones, and fast. I found a group that I had briefly visited with from time to time, consisting of some nerdier, less pretty girls that didn't have boyfriends, or even guy friends.

I found my best friend from my childhood years in that group, Jade, and we reconnected. All the new people liked me. They were kind.

Shortly after my arrival into the group, two others joined that I had many classes with. Anna and Maria were best friends but their old group split and they were looking for a new shelter, just as I was.

In the months that followed we grew closer and closer until we were all the best of friends, making our very own dejected group in the four of us. Sometimes we branched out, and in later months we wouldn't have groups anymore, just friends. That would be nice. But it hadn't happened yet.

* * *

From there on out I knew of Him, and I'm sure He knew of me. I silently watched His relationship with Ivy blossom(no pun intended) and grew jealous when they'd hug, or touch at all really. Hugging between the opposite sex was not allowed at school, but no one cared. The two often got in trouble for touching on school property.

I watched Him ask Ivy to Homecoming in October. He gave her an umbrella filled with rose petals and one single rose with a note attached to it asking her to go with Him. She squealed and said yes, as expected.

I didn't tell anyone of my crush, it was like a tree that often withered and grew back. Sometimes the tree was big and strong, and I'd wish I could tell Him how I felt. Others, it was small and I didn't think of Him at all. This tree was usually over the weekend or when I wasn't at school to see Him or talk to Him.




Author's Note: the above is unedited, unfinished, and to be continued. It is also entirely true.