Shiny Girl

August 7, 2008

         When I first arrived in Seattle, Washington two years ago, I knew something didn’t feel right. Coming from New Jersey, where I grew up surrounded by people who tried their best to make me be my best, the ‘live-on-your-own’ culture of Seattle was neither welcoming nor comforting. In New Jersey, if I were sick or lost, people would help me out and let me know that they cared. However, the look of stressed eyes, locked mouths, and bad attitudes would become a familiar quality of my view on Washington people. I realized that in Washington, if I was in need, they would just say “Oh. That’s too bad,” which is not as comforting as “Gosh! Is there anything I could do to help?” I thought the people in NJ were just being cheesy, but even if it wasn’t authentic, it was a lot more comforting than when people didn’t even try to care. Washingtonians spoke with no hope, no love, they didn’t even seem to care about other people really, just themselves. I knew this place wasn’t home, but I also knew that some change had to happen.

         A few weeks before my freshman year, I constantly bugged my mom with questions in agony. Would I be alright? Would I make any friends? I remember trying to fit in with people, trying to be somebody I wasn’t, but I couldn’t find my “circle.” I wanted to be friends with everyone, and everyone to be friends with each other. Despite my hesitations, I still went through the doors of the high school with confidence and faith that this year would be a better year than the last.

         Freshman year was definitely rough. If the principal or teachers, made any decision at all, kids whined, complained and always concluded that “life sucks, you suck, everything sucks.” This made my heart break because I felt that I’d have to conform to this negative kind of life which wasn’t for me and that I wouldn’t be able to be myself. No one got out of their comfort zone. Even if they wanted things to change, they depended on other people to do the work for them because it wasn’t their “job" or because it’s not “cool.” Then, if something did change (in a bad or even good way) they would complain again like idiots saying “why did they do that?” or “that was stupid.” Absolutely nothing would make them happy.

         I remember I was one of the few students who dressed up for one of the not-so-spirited Spirit Weeks. From all the Spirit Days, my favorite was Rap Day. I looked like a lil’Asian gangster rapper. I had a ghetto bandana hat with a oversized black shirt, a ballin’ necklace, and a pair of gangsta black sunglasses. I was nervous because literally everyone stared at me; some students even stopped walking in the halls to take in my supa’ gangsta’ outfit. The snickers and the look-at-that-girl faces on students made me utterly uncomfortable, but there were a few rare compliments like “nice outfit” and smiles from people that kept me going. I wasn’t embarrassed because I knew I was doing the right thing, even if I looked like a fool. It was actually one of the most exciting experiences in my life. I got to walk like a gangster, and wave my hands and arms around like one too, saying, “Wassup home dawg?!” I mean, not every average person gets the chance to be a gangsta’ rapper for a day! I was able to get out of my comfort zone and be someone different; it was a chance in a lifetime.

         Being a gangster rapper for a day was hard, but just being myself was enough of a challenge. I wanted to be happy, to be grateful for everything, but everyone’s negativity and close-mindedness brought me down. But somehow I managed to get past this fight, I just put my faith in God and let Him do His thing and, it really was God that guided me through these dark hours. I always have something to look forward to because of Him. This hope and faith that I trusted in, allowed me to overcome all my problems and meet the biggest opportunities that I would ever encounter.

         I noticed that many people let their self-esteem take over and damage their lives, but I try to take advantage of every moment and let it influence my life in a positive way. It was only my first year in high school and second year in Washington, but I realized how many friends I had made, the wise teachers I had, the amazing church I attended, and really, the simple good things of life, or at least of my life.

         During the school year, we had a “Be the Change” week where the ASB students (a.k.a. student council) tried to let the students open up and get to know students from other “social groups.” They allowed students to sit with other kids they normally wouldn’t sit by during lunch because they knew that simply sitting down with someone one may have thought of as “weird” or “not my type” for 15 minutes could change their perspective of each other. But you wouldn’t believe how rebellious everyone became. Students complained with rage, “What?! They are NOT going to make us sit with other freakin’ kids,” with much more swearing, and they even skipped eating lunch to avoid this collaboration. Also, during this period, we had a Spirit Week where students would wear a certain color everyday; Monday was Blue Day, Tuesday was Green Day, etc. It was a simple task, just wear some blue one day, and green the next, but no, they gave their best effort not to wear that color for the day. For School Spirit, we would rank a definite ZERO. What disappointed me more was that the teachers did not participate and be role models for the students. The negativity of the students and even the teachers bothered me so much that I talked with the ASB counselor myself. Fortunately, she also felt my frustration and had tried to make other teachers dress up for School Spirit Weeks and to have more enthusiasm, but they didn’t even listen to her. With hope, she gave me the opportunity to write a speech and present it during their teacher staff meeting. So I told my them, “Teachers can influence students to be the change if their actual teachers are willing to be the change.” Auspiciously, I saw more teachers participate which led to more students dressing up and having some School Spirit.

By the end of my freshman year, I had a vision settled in my heart to make a difference in my school. So, I ran for Sophomore Class Representative. I became famous for my myriad of unique posters and flyers in every corner of the school. One day as I was posting a flyer in the midst of a busy hallway, a tall guy came up to me and asked, “Are you Erin?” I said “Yes!” Then, he told me with a smile and an affirming point of his finger “I’m voting for you!” This was the most uplifting thing that anyone had said to me during my entire school year.

When campaign week began and I was surprised by how clean the campaign wall was without any posters. I was the first person to post mine. It was pretty disappointing that the other candidates didn’t even start campaigning because it told me that they didn’t try hard to be a leader, but I guess it gave me an advantage. My friend once told me that I would “spread the sunshine,” which was ironic because Seattle is known as a depressing place because of the constant rain. I guess it was my postive attitude. People knew me as the “shiny girl” because one of my campaign posters read, “ERIN KIM IS SHINY” with a stick figure girl in a shiny dress with glittered hair and shoes, surrounded by dark stick people drawn from charcoal. People would come up to me and ask, “Are you the shiny girl?” which made my day, everyday. One of my flyers said, “Why you starin’, go vote for Erin!” with a picture of me posing by two cardboard figures walking. Another poster read, “vote for Erin ‘cause she’s carin’” with a drawing of me hugging a tree in a grassy land with pink birds chirping “we love you Erin!” But my most dramatic poster had a picture of me with a headless man I met on the streets of Germany (and I’m not kidding) which read “Vote for Erin ‘cause she has a face.” I think most people liked me for my quirky and fun posters. I was surprised with the support and encouragement that followed me all the way through the campaign, but, to be honest, these were the hardest moments of my life.

One day, some Asian Jock guy said to me, “I’m voting for you Erin.” And I joyfully said, “Really?” because I was so excited and grateful. I was about to say “thanks!” but he interrupted me with a “Psh. No,” and a face that read, “Why would I vote for you?” So I just said “Oh! Okay…” and walked away dumbfounded. But the real dumb part was that I cried a little afterwards and this showed how much of a loser I was. Sometimes I felt like I couldn’t handle the pressure and the insults. Fortunately, my supportive friend, Xun, came by and taught me not listen to jerks like him and I decided from there on that I would be less sensitive to what people say. Despite all this madness, I had to remember that I was running for Student Council to make a difference and to change such negative attitudes. So once again, I put my faith in God and because of this, I got to be one of the Sophomore Class Representatives of 2009! I knew this was the start of a big thing. I couldn’t have asked for such a greater blessing, but things just kept getting better!

Throughout the school year, my Spanish teacher, Senora Nick, became my most supportive and encouraging teacher. Everyday, after Spanish class, I would chat with her for a minute or two and talk about events going on in my life and what was new. She was one of a few people who appreciated my thankfulness and positive attitude. I would raise my hand to answer questions or volunteer to read a text in class, I’d sing along to the Spanish song she would play for us every Friday and encourage other students to sing along even though they thought it was childish and sulked in their chairs like it was that embarrassing. I didn’t intentionally do these things to be a teacher’s pet; I just wanted to make life a little more exciting. Senora Nick noticed that I wasn’t just some kid going through the motions, but that I was one of the few people in our school who wanted to make a difference. Thus, she recommended me for a People to People Leadership Summit founded by President Dwight D. Eisenhower at Harvard University for the summer of 2009 (which I will be attending). I never imagined such an opportunity, but it just hit me.

Even to this very moment the blessings and opportunities have never stopped coming. The way I see things, every moment is a miracle. The mere fact that you’re reading or listening to this story is an honor to me! Going to the writing camp at UC Berkeley where I wrote this memoir was also a blessing to me! Seattle is known for its rainy days and gloominess, but I’m doing my best to “spread the sunshine” in this dark and scary world.