Beginning of an Open Journal

A peek into January, 2009

Oh journal, what is it that creates such unfairness in the world? Why must the good die young while the greedy, the loathsome, and the corrupt continue to roam? It is upon this day that I was to learn the shocking condition of my mother. Never before has something to this extreme happened to me. One moment I was returning home from a victorious ski meet where I had won in a sea of talented athletes, the next I found myself speechless in our living room. Who ever knew one sentence could have such an immediate and crushing effect on everyone who was told? "I have cancer." A mere three words, not even a sentence, yet a stupendous hit for me. For anyone who has ever experienced this before, my thoughts and prayers go to you, but is it not true that at first you are flooded with feelings of disbelief? My mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, a terminal disease where there is no cure and no tell-tale signs for early prevention. My mother. The backbone of the family, the loving one, the understanding one, the one who had never committed a crime and loved each and every person she met, was going into battle. The opposing side was an army of heartless killers who fought and murdered without thought or reason. This cancer was not going to put her down at all, though. After my initial shock wore off, she explained how this would not get her down and at Dartmouth, her team of doctors was incredible and had her chemo planned out. Which, despite her efforts, did not help me. What a selfish girl I am. At the age of 13 I think of myself first and what each act will mean for me in the present and the future outcome. I am an only child, and lack some abilities that can only be taught and learned by having siblings. In shame, I realize my first thoughts were about me and how cancer would affect everything. As I gazed upon my mother, she told me that anything I needed I could go to my ski team and they would provide it. This was proven to be true in the following months, when my parents were often away at hospitals, I found myself surrounded by support and love from my fellow team members that I had not known existed. Mom has decided to take the most direct approach to this cancer, and start chemo tout de suite. I would go with them the following day to the hospital; nothing in the world would stop me from being with my mother, as for it was her first treatment and even she couldn't mask the nervous jitters she was experiencing. As for now, I know nothing as to how much this can tear a family apart, I am only thinking of the ways it will bring us together

love H