Betrayed

Betrayed.
By: Deanna Frenyea

Okay, so two years ago I used to live with my father (who I now refer to as Thomas because as far as I’m concerned doesn’t deserve to be called dad). and my step-mom Brenda. Thom and Brenda both worked in a place they hated. Thom would come home and he usually carried two twenty-four packs of beer and he would always be so angry. I used to feel bad for him; I used to want to help. However after what he did one horrible night I no longer wished to help or feel bad for him. He would go straight to the computer room a small room in the back of our double wide trailer that had three or four computer in it and start drinking. He would turn on his music and tune the rest of the world out. (Not much of a dad huh? Despite all of his flaws I had loved him.)
Brenda was more attentive to me though. When she got home she would talk to me, ask me about my day and help me with my home work. She was always so caring; sometimes I wonder if I was the source of her pain, if I was the reason that she stayed with Thom. I would watch as she would start to make dinner. Often times as she did this I would think. I thought that if I wished hard enough, if I could make my thoughts loud enough for someone to hear that there would be no more fighting. I was wrong though and I learned this. Wishing never helped there was no such thing! If you wanted something done, or to happen, you would have to do it yourself. After dinner Brenda would send me off to bed and then grab a beer and head off to the small room.
When both of them started drinking I would try to prepare myself for what would soon be coming. I never could prepare myself right though, when the fight would come I would still cringe at the piercing screams and the loud yells and I would still cry when I heard something crash or a door break. I would sit in my bed curled up around my dog. I tried sometimes to become emotionless to just drift away to no longer care but it never worked.
During some fights I would have flash backs from when I was younger. I remember at one point I had actually run away from the fight. I had run from my room tears running down my face and out our front door. It was around two am in the morning and I couldn’t take it anymore, once outside I had kept running I ran all the way down our road and half away down another road when I had stopped and looked back. I was still crying, and now I was scared it was late and really dark the trees around me looked almost like they were closing in around me. I had taken in a choked breath and ran back. When I got back everything was quiet. Thom was passed out on the couch and Brenda was gone. It had made me so angry because he had never even noticed I was gone. I knew that memories like the fights would haunt me forever. Even when I did fall asleep the fights turned my once peaceful dreams into nightmares. Of course it didn’t matter as soon as I would even get some sleep the real fight would wake me up.
Some fights were worse than others, sometimes they would dissipate into nothing and other times they would escalate Well one of the last fights I encountered before I left was one where things went too far, when I finally became strong for the first time in my life, when I would no longer stand by while someone I cared about got hurt.
I remember that night very well. I remember waking up in my small dark room to Thomas yelling at Brenda and calling her horrible names. I shoved my head into my pillow and tried to block it. That was until I heard Brenda scream. I could hear him punching and slapping her. “No, No, No.” I whispered to myself. I was so confused. So many things were running through my mind. “What should I do!?” “Should I try and help?” Finally I got up from my bed and opened my door. I looked out and saw Brenda and Thom over by the front door. He was punching her! She kept trying to hit back but her hits never connected and he continued to beat her.
I was so scared my legs were shaking. My thoughts started to race again many different options crossing my mind. None of them seemed plausible though, none except one. I ran forward across our living room and jumped over the couch because Thom and Brenda were blocking the only way to the kitchen which was in-between the couch and the door. After getting over the couch I ran to the phone and picked it up my heart was pounding now, I thought it was going to explode. I didn’t want to call the cops on Thom but if I had to I would.
I watched for a few seconds more watching the man I had loved and trusted to protect us beat someone I cared about. “STOP IT!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. Thom kicked at Brenda and she fell to the ground. I screamed again but he still didn’t hear me. I knew that he must have heard me by now. I’m the neighbors had probably heard! The fact that he didn’t respond in anyway made me angrier than I already was. He continued to hit her, she kept screaming at him and tried to kick him from where she was on the ground. “Stop it! I’ll call the police” I yelled holding the phone up to show I was serious.
Thom stopped for a second to yell at me. “Put the phone down now!”
“NO! Stop hurting Brenda and I will!” I yelled back through my tears. Brenda was crumpled on the floor crying. Blood was gushing out of her nose. I felt horrible she looked so defeated so broken.
“Deanna, sweetie, please put the phone down and go to bed. I’ll be fine okay.” Brenda tried and failed to give me a reassuring smile. I did the first part I put the phone down but I didn’t leave. Thomas (now that the threat of the phone was gone) continued to beat Brenda. I watched the horror seeping in as he kicked her and called her more horrible things.
“How could he, how could he.” I whispered to myself. Now all I felt was pure anger, I felt nothing for the man who was supposed to be my father only hatred. I boiled anger taking over for a minute or two my thoughts all confused. Then I went completely emotionless. I felt so lifeless, like I was no longer in my body that someone had taken over. I then ran forward, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do but I was no longer going to stand by and let this happen. I put myself right in-between Brenda and Thom and awaited the hit that was sure to come. Brenda got up and tried to push me out of the way before Thom hit us both. I stood my ground and stayed where I was. If he was going to hit her then he might as well hit me too. I no longer cared about what happened to me, in fact since I didn’t feel any emotion so it didn’t matter. When Thom raised his fist as if to strike again I wasn’t afraid but I did say very calmly and slowly. “You wouldn’t dare.”I still expected him to hit us but instead he dropped his fist and staggered back.
He kept saying. “Im sorry, I’m so, so, so, sorry.”
“Liar” I thought to myself.” You aren’t sorry. I know you, you’ll do it again.” I watched him stumble backwards repeating how sorry he was. I watched him until he disappeared into the computer room.
I looked at Brenda who was now again crumpled on the floor crying. I saw blood that was still coming out of her nose and her tears and the anger came back. “I hate you!” I screamed in my head. There was so much pain. So much fighting, I was ready to just curl up somewhere and never wake up.
I stomped into our laundry room which was connected to our kitchen and yanked two towels down. I went our fridge which had be dented in one of the fights and got our ice tray out. I place the towel on the table and slammed the ice tray upside down on the towel so the ice would come out.
I then stomped back to Brenda and handed her the towel without the ice for her nose and I place the other towel with ice one her ribs. She kept saying to me, or rather making excuses for my father, saying. “It’s okay he didn’t mean it, I’m sorry.” Again more lies! Why couldn’t anyone tell me the truth! I was sick of the lies. No! Things weren’t okay! Everything was horrible!
In the morning Thom told me not to tell anyone about what had happen that night. I didn’t even give him a sideways glance as I packed my school things into a bag. Brenda also told me not to say anything I gave her a cold look and walked out the door. “How could she be so stupid?” I thought angrily.
In school I was completely dead to the world. I didn’t speak to anyone at all, I treated them in the same cold manner I had with Thom. It didn’t matter who they were I wouldn’t talk. After a few days I pretended everything was fine and went about my day. I put on a fake smile so everyone would think I was okay and laughed when needed. Yep I was perfectly fine. HA!
Shortly after all of this the fights increased and Brenda left for good. My mom eventually found out and came to get me. For some strange and stupid reason I didn’t want to go. I was actually still stupidly attached to him! I was scared I wasn’t going to see him! I don’t even know where that came from because I was still angry with him over what had happened to Brenda.
For the next few months of my father’s and my separation he came and picked me up from my moms and we would do something together. He would call a lot and I was starting to think maybe things will change. Until he made me feel horrible by saying that I had abandoned him and that he never would have done that to me.
I told him that if he got some help for his drinking problem I would talk to him again. He said he would get help, but guess what! He never did! He chose his beer and his cigarettes over his own daughter! Now think about it how would that make you feel to be thrown away for something so stupid and pointless. Now I’m not even sure that if he got help that I would talk to him. Heck, if he doesn’t think I’m worth more than that, well that’s his problem not mine. It’s his loss.
You know because off him, I’m constantly watching everyone with new eyes. Waiting for someone I care about to stab me through the heart again, lie to me, or for someone to betray me. Because of him I can’t even say I love you anymore! It actually hurts me it makes me think back to all the times I said “I love you to him” and how he said it back like he actually meant it.
No I don’t think that if I saw him again and he had gotten help I would be able to talk to him. He never will anyway. I know that now. Sad thing was he said he would never be like his father, and he turned into him. That’s the part that scares me the part that makes me think I’m going to turn out just like him.
~THE END~