maybe

Will it kill me to be honest with you? To be honest with myself? Maybe.

If I told you all my secrets
Would you like that
Do you want that?
Will your curiosity be sated
Would you like that
Even if it leaves me tainted?
Do you want that?

Will I ever be unbroken? Will I ever find myself? I am afraid to. Maybe.

I’m bleeding out
coloring my lips
And covering your walls
Rush me out of the room
Your white walls can’t take much more
And as the rubies fall from my mouth
And I lay dying in your arms
Pray to god that Clorox will help the stains come out

I won’t stay still forever, I will move, I will run. You can’t catch me, no one could, and I will crash. Maybe.

My veins, they beat, against my skin
Dancing to my hearts chaotic pulse
They roll away, and tease the blade
That makes its home against my wrist
And so I move down to my thighs
And mark words for no ones eyes
And I will hide in each letter
Hoping someday I’ll get better.

I’m not your average human. I’m cold and uninvolved. I fake my smile, and practice my laugh. And you don’t notice. I want that. Maybe

I could kill you
And not feel a thing
Unemotional.

I don’t want to feel! Make it go away. Please just make it go away. I hate this life, these feelings.
I want to die. Maybe

Unspoken are my truths
And my lies take root inside your soul
I will destroy you from the inside out
And hope no one can find your bones
I see your eyes are filled with doubt
You don’t believe me, you never have
I guess I’ll have to do something
And show you what I’m all about.

Maybe.