Twa Junkies

Twa Junkies

Arabs and Dee’s, junkies and whores,
Neds and teenage mums, mind close the doors,
I stand before you, Right behind you,
To tell you something I know nothing about,
The topic to discuss,
Dundee - this fine travel bus.
Admission is free, So pay at the door
Pull up a seat and sit on the floor
One fine day in the middle of the night,
The bonnie Tay caught alight

T’was on that very same night,
that twa dead junkies got up to fight.
One had a needle, one had a spoon,
It all kickin aff in the middle of the toon

One was blind and the other couldn't see
So they chose a hooker for a referee.
Who lived on the corner, down by the dock,
On top o’ the hilltown clock.
So used to standing on the street,
She saw that the narcan’ed duo where in for a treat.

Along came the paramedics, paddles at the ready,
Although they never passed go ,only got to steady,
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their needles and shot each other.

A deaf policewoman heard the noise,
And came and arrested those twa dead boys.
One twice dead druggie who had no feet
Began to run for peddie Street.
The other dead junkie who didn’t smell peachy,
Said "Oi Polis get tae beechy."

Cuffed together, they sat apart
In the van, there bloody noses began to smart
All this bloody fighting
Had left the deaf constable with lots of writing
Those cufs are far too tight
‘I am only doing my job right’

The custody sgt getting weary
The twa dead junkies think they had concocted a great thiery
I know my rights was the cry
Now wheres meh bloody steak peh!


So off tae the cell went oor dead boys
Moaning for now having thier needles as toys
Passed came the jailor and up went the cry ‘C’mon mate let is hae a fag
I aint had one since comin oot meh Body bag’

Court the next morning the junkies where rattling
Long digressed from last nights battling
Sheriff Davidson turned to the dock,
So son whats the crack?
The once dead druggie Who couldn’t talk
Said ‘ Please sheriff let iz walk’

So off they went to the clink
Your granny would have got more for stealing a sink
Six months had past
The dead junkies where oot at last

Fatties just having kicked out
‘fight fight fight’ was the shout
And once again, they where a fighting.
The blind policeman saw it all,
The young constable having them against a wall.
this time they replied
‘Honest guv I’m aff the smack’
‘3 days oot of perth I cannae go back’

they heard it all
And the narrator, with her story untold,
Meekly whispered, Loud and bold,
The beginning words, To the meeting's end,
You, my enemy, Are now my friend,