Letting Go

Letting Go

My name is James Beam but my friends call me Jim, yes like the whiskey, and no my best friends are not Johnny Walker or Jack Daniels. I am also not a pirate so I don't know Captain Morgan. I hear that all the time and to everyone else it never gets old. But to me, I was getting tired of it. I say was because I'll never hear that again. Why, you ask? Well listen closely and I'll tell you.

I was a private charter pilot and owned my own aircraft. A King Air B200GT (Yea I was pretty well off) I had some time off and was flying to see my friend in California to do some hiking and camping. It was a clear day and I could literally see for miles. Leveling off I sat back and relaxed.

I had just entered Utah when it happened. Fog appeared out of nowhere. It wasn't any typical fog. This stuff was thick as a brick wall and just appeared. I mean one second it was clear and the next second I could barely see the nose of the aircraft.

Scanning the instruments I kinda panicked and tried to climb above the fog. At 15,000ft I realized that something was wrong. If anything the fog was just as thick here, if not thicker than before. I scanned the IFIS (Integrated Flight Information System) and saw that there was nothing showing in the way of weather.

That's when everything began to go wrong. The GPWS (Ground Proximity Warning System) Began to warn me that I was flying too low. At 15,000ft there was no way that I was flying too close to the ground. If that wasn't bad enough, my port engine stalled. Ignoring the low altitude warning, I tried to restart the engine.

I had just started the port engine when the starboard engine failed. Before I could get it started I found the controls were locked. Nothing was working, the yolk and the pedals refused to respond. I quickly scanned the wings and found them clear of ice so that wasn't an issue. I still had instruments, so I had power.

One by one I checked off the reasons that I wouldn't get any response from the aircraft. As far as I could tell there was no reason that it shouldn't respond. Through all this, real panic hadn't set in. I was calm and collected as I went through the emergency steps.

I didn't panic that was until my console screens went blank. Then the center screen lit back up and a message began to scroll across it.

"Just sit back and enjoy the ride."

That was it, I freaked out. Grabbing the headset, I began to call out my situation.

"Mayday, Mayday this is November 4683 Romeo. Is there anyone out there who can hear me? All instruments are dead and flight controls are unresponsive. I have lost one engine. Restart unsuccessful. I repeat this is November 4683 Romeo, can anyone hear me."

My face fell as I realized that it was too quiet. Slowly turning my head I confirmed my worst fears. The port engine had stalled again. Frantically I called out my mayday as I unsuccessfully tried restarting the engines.

I could feel all the blood drain from my face when I looked up and saw trees coming up to greet me. Now for those who haven't experienced it, let me tell you something. It's a whole new experience that you don't want to go through.

I watched the trees get closer until the aircraft began to cut through the tops of them. My hands went instantly across my face as the front windshield shattered. Blackness enveloped me as my final flight came to a sudden stop.

* * * * *

Everything seemed dreamlike as I became semi aware of my surroundings, I think. I never fully regained consciousness, but I kinda remember felling something warm lying beside me. I tried to roll over and feel what it was before I slipped back into darkness. Fur?

* * * * *

I slowly became aware of my surroundings sometime later. The first thing I felt was warmth against the front of me. I was curled up as if I was spooning someone but could feel the hard ground underneath me. The next sensation I felt was something firm and muscular that I had my arm draped over. Whatever it was, it was so warm and furry that I didn't want to get up.

Furry? What the...

Slowly I opened my eyes and at first could only see blackness. The blackness came into focus and before my eyes was a large black furry thing.

I had no idea what it was so I slowly lifted my arm and through my body's protests, drew it back. When I had released it, I slowly rolled onto my back and tried to sit up. That's when I fully comprehended how bad I was. I felt fire racing up from my legs and from my right arm. I cried out in pain causing whatever was beside me to jump up.

Turning my head I was face to face with a panther. It just stood there and looked at me before it came up to me and licked the side of my neck up to my cheek. Let me tell you, I almost wet myself.

I mean its one thing surviving a crash, that's a miracle in itself, but to be saved only to be mauled to death by a panther. How bad was my luck going to get?

It turned and began to nose around. I could feel it pushing on parts of my body with its nose and every now and then I could feel its paw push and pull on some piece of clothing.

Oh great, now it's trying to find the best spot to start its meal at. It must have found something it liked because I felt it grab my foot in its mouth. Searing pain shot up my leg and to my brain as the panther yanked my leg straight down with a jerking motion. I screamed out and felt myself slip into unconsciousness again.

* * * * *

I moaned as my consciousness returned. Feeling movement on my chest, I slowly opened my eyes. Staring back at me was the panther from before. Her front paws rested on my chest as she lay beside me. My eyes opened wide as I stared back at her.

My mind snapped awake then and started to scream at me. Why am I still alive? Why was it just sitting there? Why the heck ain't I moving?

The panther stood up and nuzzled the side of my face then licked me from neck to cheek before setting down and staring at me. I tried to sit up but was stopped when the panther placed its paw on my chest and pushed me back.

Now this was getting ridiculous. Why did it want me to stay down? Maybe it wasn't hungry right now and wanted to save me till later. It leaned over and nuzzled me again before it stood up and with a light growl, which I clearly read to mean that I wasn't to go anywhere, turned and walked off.

I lay there trying to figure out how I was going to get out of this predicament when the panther returned with what appeared to be some kind of leaf in its jaws. The leaf was shaped like a tall glass and I could see liquid sloshing out of it as she walked up to me.

She pushed the end of it into my hand and kept pushing it against my hand until I grabbed it. Then she pushed my hand up towards my face.

My mind just went numb. Was she trying to get me to drink this? Was she trying to help me or was this stuff going to kill me. As my mind tried to figure out what was happening, my body went into autopilot. Putting my left hand down I slowly tried to push myself up into a sitting position.

I hissed as pain from my movements hit me. The panther moved behind me and with her head, helped to push me upright, then sat down behind me holding me from falling backwards. Slowly I brought the leaf up to my face and sniffed it before taking a sip. If this stuff was going to kill me, I would welcome it. The liquid tasted like pure spring water and I inhaled it as fast as I could.

I didn't realize how thirsty I was until it was all gone. Then setting the plant down, I turned and slowly lowered myself back down. The pain I felt while just sitting there sapped so much of my energy I was just content to lay there. The panther came around and curled up in front of me and slowly maneuvered itself back against me.

Hesitantly I put my arm over it and allowed myself to drift off to sleep.



I awoke to find the panther hadn't moved and that my arm was curled around it as if I was holding on for my life. Releasing the panther I rolled over onto my back. The panther stood up and turned to me. Slowly it walked over to me and again nuzzled my face before it licked me from neck to cheek.

I reached over and ran my hand over its head before I scratched it behind its ears. The panther turned its head and leaned into my hand as I continued to scratch it. It began to purr as I continued to scratch its head and ears.

Once again my mind started asking questions. Was it actually trying to help me? If it was trying to help me, then why? My body responded to my mind and started to ask the questions out loud.

"Why are you trying to help me? You don't look like some ones pet. If you aren't then why haven't you ripped me apart? You're acting too nice."

It flicked its ears towards me then turned to look at me. Reaching over it again nuzzled the side of my face. It then stood up and walked off into the jungle. I watched her walk off (Yes it was a female) and wondered what she was going to do now.

Five minutes later she returned with another leaf in her mouth. I took it and again found it full of water. I drank this down and when I was finished, I watched her turn and jog off into the jungle.

It was a while before she returned and this time she had something hanging in her jaws. As she came closer she laid it down and looked up at me. I looked down and saw it was some kind of animal. She then reached down and pushed it towards me before looking up at me again.

Slowly I reached out and picked up the animal and just held it. When she didn't do anything to stop me I slowly drew out my pocket knife and proceeded to cut it up. When I had it cut up I began to wonder if I could eat it raw, or would it make me sick.

Finally making up my mind, I placed the meat on a leaf that lay beside me and slowly began to pull my way over to the wreckage of my airplane. Somehow it managed to land more or less intact. Don't get me wrong, it would never fly again but it wasn't totaled like I had first thought it would be. It took me about an hour to make it the thirty yards to my plane, but when I arrived I came across another problem.

The handle to the side door was just out of my reach. The panther must have sensed that I wanted to do something because she stood up on her hind paws and put her front paws on the side of the plane beside the handle. It took me twenty minutes to get her to understand what I wanted. When the door clicked then moved she got frightened and jumped back.

Laughing quietly, I reached up and with what strength was left in me I pulled the door open. Turning to the panther I had to smile. Her ears were laid back against her head and she looked like she had just been scolded. I held out my hand and began to talk to her.

"It's okay, it won't hurt you. I just need to cook this before I eat it or it'll make me sick. You've done such a good job of looking out for me. I don't want to get sick on you again."

She slowly made her way over to me, but never took her eyes off of the plane as I scratched behind her ears. Eventually she calmed down and I again turned to the plane. Slowly because I was still in pain, I made my way inside. Luckily what I wanted was still strapped down near the door.

It took me the better part of two hours to pull out my small camping stove and cook the meat she brought me. As I sat there eating it, I watched her. She sat back a few feet from the plane but would sniff every time the smell of the cooked meat reached her.

Again I began talking to her until she was near me. This time I held up a piece of the meat I cooked and watched her sniff it. Reaching out with her tongue she licked my hand and the offered meat. Then gently she took it from my fingers and I watched her slowly chew it before she leaned back in and licked my fingers clean.

Smiling I reached up and scratched behind her ears before I turned and climbed back into the plane. Figuring I should have done this first, but with me being so hungry I forgot, I grabbed the first aid bag I had and pulled myself into one of the chairs.

Slowly I removed my pants and shoes hissing in pain as I did. The panther overcame her fear when she heard me cry out and came bounding into the plane with her teeth bared. She swung her head from side to side. I would assume looking for whatever made me cry out.

Leaning back, I called out to her and watched as she cautiously made her way over to where I was. When she was sure I wasn't in trouble, she made her way over to me and laid her head on my lap. I reached down and scratched her behind the ears.

Reaching down, I probed my leg to see the extent of the damage. My calf was swollen and bruised and after further pain, I figured that it was broken. Taking out the first aid kit, I proceeded to splint it. When I was finished, I turned my attention to the other leg. On the back of my leg ran a cut the length of my calf. It wasn't deep enough to require stitches but was pretty bad. Again I dove into the first aid kit and retrieved what I would need. By the time I was done, the panther was nosing around the aircraft.

I laughed as she knocked over a bottle of talcum powder and sneezed at the small cloud that formed. Shaking her head she backed away from it and continued snooping around. After about ten minutes she seemed satisfied with the plane and came back over to me laying her head back on my lap.

Night was coming and I decided that the plane would be a better place to sleep than on the ground outside. Since she was so wary of it, I figured other animals would leave it alone too. Crawling over to my stuff, I pulled out my hiking pack and retrieved my sleeping bag.

Rearranging the stuff in the back of the plane I was able to lay the sleeping bag out flat. Using some clothes for a pillow I curled up for the night. The panther came over and sniffed around for a minute before curling up next to me. I wrapped my arm around her and fell asleep.


For the next week my routine would be get up and eat what Sasha would bring me, ponder more on my situation, enjoy the attention she would give me and relax so I didn't injure myself anymore.

I had decided to call the panther Sasha when the name popped into my head one night and I couldn't forget it. She didn't mind and even responded when I would use it. During this time I tried to comprehend what had happened. Out of it all two main points needed to be addressed. The first was that I needed to try to get help. The second was the mystery of Sasha.

I tried everything I could but couldn't get the radio working, nor any other electronic device for that matter. Even my emergency radio was smashed when a beam from the wing smashed through the center of it. I haven't seen or heard any other aircraft around so my flairs and mirror were useless. I only had one positive thought. I had filed a detailed flight plan. If I was anywhere near where I was supposed to be, then help should be on the way. Then again, it's been over a week

No matter how I looked at it, I would be staying here for a while. At least until my leg healed. Then I could try to find my way out of here, provided I lived that long. I didn't actually know where I was so I didn't know what dangers were here. I know I was over Utah when I crashed but there wasn't a jungle there the last time I checked.

Once out of this place I would have another problem... Sasha. Without even getting out of this forsaken place, she was already a problem. The problem was, I didn't know what she wanted or why she was so friendly to me. Realistically I should have been ripped apart. Her blood frenzy, due to my cut and bleeding leg should have assured that. Instead she protected me, cared for me as best as she could. She became my protector, my nursemaid if you will, always bringing me food and water.

In the week since I crashed, she has been with me constantly. When I started walking, or was it hobbling, she would be right by my side. I was soon moving all around our little clearing with the exception of the front of the plane. She refused to let me go there. I was soon hobbling down to the stream where I could wash up and get my own water.

No matter where we went, Sasha would always bring me back to the plane every night, and then curl up next to me while we slept. I would lay there and ponder my situation every night. I would think of how unlucky I was for crashing. Then at the same time, I was lucky enough to have someone like Sasha beside me. She wasn't human but she was more loyal then some of my friends back home.

I would drift off to sleep trying to figure out how I would convince whoever I needed to that I wanted to keep her. I was already envisioning court battles or mountains of forms and red tape, the whole time Sasha would be locked up in a cold damp cage somewhere. Sometimes I would wake up in a cold sweat after seeing her lying dead in a cage or getting shot trying to escape and find me.

Rolling on my side, I would wrap my arms around her and bury my head in her fur. This would of course wake her up and she would nuzzle me as if she knew why I was upset. After I calmed down I would usually fall back asleep with her head and forepaws lying across my chest and my arms wrapped around her.


Soon I was exploring the area around the wreckage, with the exception of a large patch of brush that sat in front of the plane. For some reason she wouldn't let me go near it. Sometimes she would just stand between me and the brush and block my path. Other times she would growl and grab me by some piece of clothing and drag me back forcefully.

Every time it was the same. Soon I didn't even try to go there, instead concentrating on what the land was like around me. But like always, my thoughts would drift back to the brush. ‘What was up there that she didn't want me to see?' Day after day that would gnaw at me. I needed to find out but couldn't see how. I just had to wait until an opportunity arose.

* * * * *

My opportunity came one day by chance. After sitting there day after day waiting for my leg to heal it finally hit me. I just needed to get up and act on it.

Since Sasha had left to hunt for food, I had plenty of time to see what she had been hiding because indeed she had been keeping me away from the front of the airplane. At first I thought it was some kind of animal but it should have been gone a while ago. Then I figured she might have had cubs and wanted to keep me away, but dismissed that because she hasn't left me for any significant amount of time since I recovered.

This whole thing had my curiosity peaked to the point of strange scenarios floating through my head. I just had to find out. Grabbing my makeshift crutch I stood up and made my way out of the plane and around to its nose. I rounded the nose of the aircraft just as Sasha roared and came running up to me. She attempted to push me back by jumping up, placing her paws on my shoulder and pushing. She was too late to stop me from seeing what she tried so hard to keep me from though.

I stopped dead in my tracks and couldn't believe what I was seeing. Two figures lay there, one curled around the other holding it as if he was protecting her. They both were dead and by the looks of it had died when my plane crashed or very soon afterwards. Surrounding them was what looked like it could have been a large pool of blood but now was only a dried stain. I looked at Sasha who had this sad look in her eyes then back down. Slowly I stumbled around Sasha and over to them.

I found myself standing over the bodies, my mind numb, not comprehending what I was looking at, at first. At my feet lay a male dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. His right leg was obviously broken and his shoulder was dislocated. His arms were wrapped around a second figure which appeared as if he was trying to comfort her or protect her or maybe comfort himself.

The figure he held was a black panther.