Fear of Loss

“I’m afraid it’s bad news... Your Mother’s dead.”

The car alarm outside jolts me awake. I pull myself up, dizzily and sit leaning against my bedroom wall. The car alarm rings in my ears; it makes my head ache. I blink, rubbing the sleep from my eyes and allow them to adjust to the darkness. I stumble off my bed and head for the light switch. I fumble in the darkness for a few minutes; managing to fall at least twice on my way; until I finally reach the door; and light switch. I flick it on and my room spins from the sudden light. I close my eyes for a few seconds and reopen them. My room stops spinning and returns to its stationary self. I notice the lumpy pile of clothes on the floor which I had tripped on. The coat hangers lay forgotten in the corner along with my school blazer and tie. My computer desk to the side is full with books and pieces of note paper tossed aimlessly over its surface. The computer beeps rhythmically in sleep mode and to my surprise stuck to the monitor was a small yellow note. Bemused, I walk over to the desk and remove it, reading aloud.

“Hi Dreigen,
Had to go into work late, sorry.
Should be back before you wake up but if not,
I’ll be back soon.
Be good.
See you soon,
Love Dad x”

Typical, I think to myself as I pull on a t-shirt and jeans. He works all the time now and I swear he cares more for that stupid job then he does me and Alix.”Alix...”I mutter, and head towards her room to check on her. She took it the hardest when mum died; she hasn’t been the same since. She got kicked out of school for fighting and she’s getting in with the wrong sort of crowd. Alix never used to be bad, she was extremely intelligent and was topped to get all A’s in her GCSE’s. Now all she cares about is doing drugs and getting drunk. Dad doesn’t know what to do with her anymore, he just can’t take it. Watching his wife die was bad enough and now he has to watch his daughter throw her life away. I pull her door and let it creek closely open as I tip toe inside. Her room isn’t as dark as mine was; she doesn’t have a blackout blind. The features of her room, the wardrobe, stereo and chair are clearly visible through the black. Her bed sits at the end of her room, close to the window. I shuffle forward as silently as I could muster. I place each foot down with caution. I see her bed and the large lump in it that is my sister. She is completely hidden by the sheets, wrapped up in a little ball. My phone rings in my pocket, the old and classic nokia ring tone. I grab it quickly silencing it at once; I look back at the lump in bed which hasn’t moved a inch. “That’s weird” I mutter; not quite sure who I was saying it to. I prod the sheets only to feel move squishy sheets underneath. I pull off the cover to; as I thought; yet more sheets. I stride back to the door and turning on the light. The bed lay empty with only a mass of sheets under her massive duvet. The window lays open a small draft and I dart to it only to stare back at my own reflection in the glass, dotted with street lamps and the glow from house windows across the street. I pull out my phone intent on ringing Alix, when I remembered I got a message. Selecting the ‘view message’ screen I read the text

“Dreigen...
Don’t bovver looking for me.
I can’t take it anymore, I just can’t.
Don’t be sad; I’ll be with mum soon.
I love you my dear brother,
Alix...”

“F*CK!" I yelled loudly as my heart missed a beat. She could be anywhere; how the hell am i going to find her. My mind raced. The park, The Shopping centre, The cinema... Think. I willed myself to think like her; Where would I go?..

...The Beach.

To Be Continued... =]