The Day My Father Found Out

The Day My Father Found Out

A true story by Daniel Gage

It was a warm summer day, as was everyday in Miami, Florida. It was one of those days when the family goes down to the water to bask in the sun and cool off in the salty ocean waves.

It was a perfect day and I remember it well.

Walking home from school, Kyle and I stopped by the ice cream stand on the board walk and bought a couple of shakes. He had strawberry and I had vanilla, our favorites. He sucked on the straw in an exaggerated manner, watching out of the corner of his eye to see my reaction. I raised my eyebrows at him in disbelief.

“Kyle!” I said, giving him a sharp shove.

He stumbled to the side to catch his balance as we laughed. Spending time with Kyle was my ecstasy. It was a speedy ride to the top of the world. It set my sense alive. My blood boiled with excitement. The fun never ceased and it was rare that I didn’t smile in his presence. Kyle was always cracking a joke just so I would smile and laugh with him. It was the way we enjoyed spending our days together.

As we made our way closer to Kyle’s apartment our giggly gallop turned to a slowed solemn walk. Using the straw, he stirred the milkshake as it quickly turned to water. That’s when he asked the question I always hated to answer.

“So, when are you going to tell your folks?”

My smile wilted rapidly. I took a long drink of the vanilla milk to buy sometime.

“I don’t want to pressure you, Dani… it’s just that I don’t like sneaking around like this, ya know?”

Of course I knew. Kyle had had several other boyfriends before me and none of them had forced him into hiding. I didn’t like him feeling secretive and dirty… I just wasn’t sure how to tell my parents. I was afraid how they’d take it.

I bit down on my lip in indecision. I could feel Kyle’s blue eyes staring at me. He was waiting patiently as he always did. Before I knew it, we were in front of his building.

“Guess I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said, adjusting the strap of his shoulder bag.

I nodded, still staring at the ground pensively. He put a comforting hand on my shoulder. I looked up. He was smiling.

“Later Dani,” he said, patting me on the shoulder before he turned to leave.

I watched him walk about halfway up the walk.

“Kyle.”

He flipped back around.

“Yeah?”

“Want to come over for dinner tonight?”

He hesitated in disbelief. His blue eyes blinked as he took in the information. He’d been over my place several times before but never for dinner. It was a time of investigation when my parents asked all sorts of questions. Bringing a friend to dinner would certainly prompt questions.

“Are you sure…?” he asked after a while.

I shook my head.

“OK, then. Is seven good?”

“Yeah,” I mumbled, nodding.

“Seven it is then.”

Kyle smiled at me before entering his apartment. This smile seemed brighter than the rest he’d given me. He waved once before he closed the door softly behind him. As I walked home, I couldn’t help picturing him skipping down the hall. Kyle had wanted me to come out to my parents for a while now. He’d assured me they would accept me no matter what. He’d promised to be there to support me. This evening, I promised not only Kyle I would tell them, but I promised myself. Tonight would be the night.

*          *          *

At seven exactly, the doorbell rang. I answered the door. Kyle had dressed up for my folks. He wore a nicely pressed blue and white stripped dress shirt with a clean pair of designer jeans. He’d even gone out of his way to put gel in his hair. I couldn’t help but smile at him as he stood in my door way, looking a little uncomfortable with his hands in his pockets. Yet he still wore that smile, the one that always comforted me. Tonight, it only set my heart beating faster. I felt my throat close up as I stepped aside to let him in.

As he stepped around me into our small living room where my father sat in his recliner, my mother called me into the dining room to help set the table. I walked quickly into the next room. I reached over and around my mother, grabbing forks, spoons, plates, knives, and glasses. Kyle followed me into the kitchen. My mother smiled a midst her cooking when she saw him come in.

“Kyle!” she said surprised, “Will you be joining us for dinner?”

“If that’s alright with you, Mrs. Gage.”

He shared on of my smiles with her.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” he asks, feeling awkward just standing around.

“You can go help Daniel set the table, sweetie.”

He takes the plates from me and gets two glasses from the cabinet. In the dining room, I set out the utensils on four separate placemats over napkins. Kyle followed me around the table laying out plates and the other two glasses. I stepped into the kitchen snagging a gallon of milk out of the fridge to pour into the glasses. Kyle sat at the far end of the table, observing me.

“Are you sure about this?” he whispered to me.

I nodded while pouring.

“I just hope they take it well,” I told him.

He reached over, laying a hand over mine.

“Everything’ll be fine.”

He assured me with a smile. I managed what I could muster of a grin. He took his hand back just as my father entered the room. He gave us both a peculiar glare as he strode over to his seat at the head of the table.

“Hi Mr. G,” Kyle said.

My dad gave him one nod and a sort of grunt, and that was all but he didn’t take his eyes off Kyle. I put the milk away before sliding into the chair next to Kyle. We sat in silence staring around at each other awkwardly. My mom was the last to come in, bringing dishes of bean casserole and macaroni. I took them from her setting them on the melon colored pot holders. She made two more trips into the kitchen to get cranberry sauce, pork chops, and a steak for my father before sitting down at the table with the rest of us.

She cleared her throat, placing a careful smile on her face. It was like she could feel the tension in the air.

“Daniel, honey, would you say grace, please?” she said.

I nodded, glancing over at Kyle before bowing my head.

We aren’t a strictly religious family. My mother and I go to church every Sunday. I go more often on occasion for volunteer work. We say grace before dinner. But that’s about it. At the time, I couldn’t say I knew many specifics of the Bible, just generalizations. My father on the other hand, refused to go to church all together. He didn’t believe in a higher power or much of anything for that matter. He sat through our prayers counting the strips on the wallpaper. Not tonight though, when I lifted my head he was staring straight at me.

I swear at that moment, my heart leaped up into my throat. For the rest of the night no matter how hard I swallowed, I just wasn’t able to get it down. As everyone passed around the dishes, taking their own helpings, I couldn’t help but look at my parents. My stomach started churning, flip flopping all over. My mom kept a constant smile as she exchanged polite small talk with Kyle. The usual questions came up.

“How have you been? We haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Good. I’ve been busy,” he responded through bites of food, “My dad got recalled into the military so, I’ve had to help my mom out a little more around the house and all.”

My mom’s eyebrows rose.

“I’m sorry to hear that, dear.”

“Nah,” Kyle said, forking the macaroni onto the side of his plate, “We knew it was coming. I mean, it’s his duty to his country, ya know?”

My mom nodded, not knowing what else to say.

“Daniel, honey, aren’t you going to eat?”

I had my hands resting on the table. I hadn’t even touched my utensils. I was too anxious to eat. My father, who hadn’t spoken two words since I got home looked over at me like he was expecting something. I tried one last time to swallow the lump in my throat.

“Um…” I began, taking a quick glance over at Kyle.

He set his knife and fork down, making the only noise amidst the silence. Even my father had stopped eating. He sat up straight in his chair, tucking it in closer to the table. I licked my dry lips. My stomach went for the high dive as I tried to force the words up to my mouth. If only I could figure out where to begin.

I let out a breath I hadn’t even realized I was holding and felt like hyperventilating. Kyle slid his hand into mine under the safety of the table cloth. I turned my eyes on him for a second, trying for a smile and failing miserably. He was here to support me but he couldn’t speak for me.

“Mom…” I said looking to my mother, then to my father, “Dad…”

Address my audience. Check.

I swallowed nervously, clutching just a little tighter onto Kyle’s hand. I felt him give a slight squeeze back.

“I… um… I have something I want to tell you.”

Obviously. Get on with it! I couldn’t seem to get it out. It was trapped somewhere deep inside and no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t say it.

“It’s okay,” Kyle whispered to me with an encouraging smile.

I took in a shaky breath, staring into Kyle’s blue, blue eyes.

My father’s eyes shifted from me to Kyle and back. I watched as he sat up in his chair, all six foot eight of him. His green eyes lit up with a spark. He stood up quicker than I’d seen him move in all my years. My mother sat to my left, staring up at her husband with curiosity. She was completely uncomprehending.

“Get out,” my father said once firmly as he towered over the table menacingly.

He was holding Kyle with all the intensity of his gaze.

My stomach dropped. I felt my body heat up. Fear was rising up my spine. I was scared and all he’d done was speak.

“Now!” he thundered.

“Honey…” my mother reached out to my father.

“Don’t you open your God damned mouth, Georgia! Don’t you even dare!”

That one command silenced my mother instantaneously.

Kyle remained seated, opening his mouth in an attempt to reason with my father.

“Get the hell out of my house!”

My father was angry, furious. He was madder than I’d ever seen him.

Kyle got to his feet.

“Mr. Gage,” he tried.

My father’s face was turning red with rage.

I took Kyle’s hand, tugging desperately to get his attention back on me.

“Please…” I pleaded with him, knowing my father’s temper wouldn’t hold.

I saw the determination mixed with concern in his eyes. He wasn’t ready to give up. He still thought we had some hope of salvaging the conversation.

“Kyle, please… please…” was all I could say, my voice cracking.

I knew he was wrong. My father wasn’t allowing anymore on the subject. And Kyle needed to leave as soon as possible. But, before Kyle could make another move, my father grabbed him by the arm. He dragged him around the table and threw him out the front door.

“Don’t you dare set foot in this house again you little bastard!” he bellowed.

Kyle’s blue eyes were filled to the brim with terror. He was just as frightened my father had put hands on him as I was.

“Dad!” I yelled at him, gripping onto his arm, “Stop it, please!”

No matter what happened, I couldn’t let him hurt Kyle. That’s when he turned his wrath one me. Slamming the door shut, he pinned me to the wall.

“What’s wrong with you?!” he spit in my face, “What in the fuck is wrong with you boy! What did I do to deserve this!?!”

I quivered under my father’s strong grip. I closed my eyes as tears began to pour down my face.

“I don’t know. I don’t know…” I repeatedly said my voice smaller, quieter than a mouse.

He slammed me against the wall. All I wanted was to melt into the wall, become on with it. I wanted to disappear more than anything else in the world….. My father beat me senseless.




I plan to keep adding to this. I know it isn't much composition wise but it's my story and I felt compelled to write it down. I'm grateful to those of you who took the time to read. It's still a sensitive subject for me. I hope to finally get over it and disperse the bitter feeling I still have towards my father by getting it out through writing. For those of you that are left with questions or wonderings, feel free to email me and I will do my utmost to answer anything you have to ask me.

Sincerely,
Daniel