Gravity - - 2 - -

School after the pool incident was pure torture. I felt more alone there than I ever did before, which was saying something. Maybe it was because I’d had a taste of what friendship could be when I met Vic. A very small taste.

Boys pretended to grab me as I walked down the crowded hallway. I flinched each time, crouching to run, hurting my injured knees. They won’t hurt you, I shouted at myself internally. But was it true? The bell rang and I hurried to get to my first class.

P.E. was bad. We had just started volleyball, and the game was forgotten as people threw balls at me. When I went into the locker room after class I was bruised and exhausted.

“ Have fun today, Lonnie?”

I glanced up quickly to place the snide voice. Hayden Jaspers was the meanest girl in the school, and I was her favorite punching bag. All I could think was how lucky I was she was graduating that year.

“ Answer me, Cooper.” snarled Hayden, grabbing me by the back of the neck and slamming me into the lockers.

The girls that had been chatting as they dressed fell silent and gathered around us, waiting. I shut my eyes and thought about how cool the metal of the lockers was against my hot face. It would hopefully be over soon.

“ Did the boys scare you Saturday, Lonnie? Are you still shaken?” sneered Hayden, getting giggles from the others.

I thought about Vic and his strange, pretty eyes. I thought about Friday and how he would be calling me. Hayden grabbed me again and slammed my face harder into the lockers, and I let out an involuntary groan.

Hayden turned me around so I was facing her, but I kept my eyes on the wall behind her. She didn’t like that her bullying wasn’t affecting me a whole lot, so she decided to tease me further.

“ Looks like Lonnie is being slow getting dressed today, girls. I think we should help her.”

I gasped as my shirt was ripped off. Hayden smirked evilly and pushed me back against the lockers. “ Say something, Lonnie. Tell us to stop.”

Nothing would come out of my mouth but heavy breathing, so I just threw on my t-shirt and grabbed my jean shorts and ran into one of the bathroom stalls. When the door was locked and I felt safe I changed and prepared myself to make a mad dash to my locker and then out of that horrible school.

With a deep breath I ran out, tossed my uniform into my locker, slammed it shut, and bolted out of the locker room. Nobody was following me, and I just kept going. Out of the school, out of town, and to the city limits.

I stared at the road leading to the next town. It was twenty miles, and it would take me a day to walk if I took regular rests. But I could run. I wanted to keep running, and my legs were practically itching to feel the burn in my muscles.

Yes, it was that simple. I could just keep running and never look back. Screw that town and the woman that called herself my aunt, her and her demon child. Screw the school that provided me with nothing more than mediocre education and painful memories. Screw it all.

But I didn’t go. It wasn’t because I had no money, or because I would get hungry eventually and have no place to sleep, or because maybe I would be raped or kidnapped, and no one would care if that happened.

It was because I didn’t want to run away. I wanted to run, but not away. So I steered my mind away from dangerous thoughts of rebellion and steered my feet back into town, and then I ran.

Jogging wouldn’t describe the way I ran. It was a desperate run that took me far away, to a place where I wasn’t a coward and where I did escape the confines of that town and the shadows haunting me there. I ran fast enough where my muscles were numb to how tired I really was, and I didn’t see people passing me or cars about to hit me.

Somehow I found my way home, and it was dark outside. I went inside, panting and realizing that I was dripping sweat and my clothes were soaked with it.

“ You smell.” Danny told me with a disgusted face.

I scowled at him. “ Shut the hell up.” 

He looked surprised, and so was I. I rarely ever spoke to the little runt, and when I did it was usually a mumble, not a vicious snarl. Danny shrugged and continued eating his peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and I grabbed my throat, curious as to wear that hideously angry voice had come from.

“ LONELLE!”

I jumped as Dana caught sight of me from the living room. She stomped in and threw the newspaper she’d been holding onto the table, staring holes into me.

“ Where have you been all afternoon? I expect you home from school by four at the latest and you show up at quarter to nine?? Explain yourself or you will never see the light of day again.”

“ Sorry…”

“ Sorry?? Go to your room, Lonelle!”

As I quietly made my way to the basement I felt the strange anger bubbling up again, and I turned to scream at Dana before locking the door. “ SOME ROOM, BITCH!”

I took my time calming down again, pacing the basement and repeatedly running my hands through my sweaty hair. Anger was something foreign to me, come to think of it all emotions were. I didn’t know how to deal with it.

After an hour of cooling off I grabbed some clothes and snuck up the stairs to take a shower. It was almost ten so Dana would have given Danny his bath and was probably still trying to force him into bed. I got into the bathroom and showered quickly and then raced back downstairs.

Instead of going back into the basement I went outside. The night air was cool on my still moist skin, and I shivered as a drip from my wet ponytail slid down my back. I sat on the steps and put my head on my knees, feeling tired and altogether drained from such a hellacious day.

Some inane part of me that was long-suppressed and just beginning to resurface wanted to see my mom. I could still envision her smiling face beneath shaggy blonde hair, brown eyes sparkling with curiosity and mischief. Then again I could see the bad things too.

Like when she would go more than a day without crack and start puking all over the kitchen, or when she was so messed up on drugs she had no clue who I was. Sometimes dad would have to hold her down to keep her from jumping off the balcony in a fit of spontaneity.

I sighed shakily into my gray sweatpants and shut my eyes. Life sometimes could just knock the wind right out of me, and the horrible part was it wasn’t my fault. I couldn’t control the mistakes my parents made or how Dana raised me like an oppressor rather than a mentor. None of it was my fault and I had to suffer.

“ I hate it here.” I whispered to my knees, seething again.

Like I always tried to do to make myself feel better during those bad times I repeated something that made me hopeful over and over. Unlike the usual ‘Mom is coming soon, mom is coming soon.’ I kept reassuring myself that Friday was just around the corner.

“ Four more days, Lonnie. Just four more days…”

<^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^>

Friday didn’t come quick enough. Dana was still all over me, and I had to be home by three-thirty or she threw a fit to shame all others. Danny was an unholy terror, taunting me left and right for being on Dana’s naughty list. Like he wasn’t.

After school Friday I got home so fast Dana wasn’t even there. She got back at around three ten and sat on the steps waiting for me, but I beat her. My lungs felt like they were going to explode, but I made it to sit by the phone by three o’ three.

Nothing happened for over an hour. I leaned against the wall by the phone, sighing consistently and ignoring any questions Dana would shoot at me. I knew if he didn’t call I would have to walk into oncoming traffic.

The phone rang and I held my breath, waiting for the third ring before picking up.

“ H-hello?”

“ Lonster?”

I grinned so wide my face ached. “ Yeah.”

“ It’s Vic, calling to formerly invite you to my shindig tomorrow evening.”

“ Oh, yeah. If I can get out I’ll definitely come. Where do you live?” I asked, heart already racing.

“ You can find a way. Morris Avenue, it’ll be the house with a huge bonfire out back. Probably hard to miss. You can bring a guest if you like.”

I snorted at him. “ No friends, remember?”

“ You kill me. See you there. Nine sharp, and dress casual.”

“ Ok…bye.”

I slammed the phone down on the hook and clasped my hands under my chin. The call I’d been waiting all week for was over in seconds, but it was enough. I felt like I could have soared.

“ Did I hear you say you’re going somewhere, Lonelle? Because if so I think you need to -”

“ Shut up, Dana, I didn’t say I’m going anywhere.” I snapped, heading downstairs already.

Dana started yelling, but I couldn’t hear her. I was far too excited, and I had to figure out what I was going to wear and how I was going to do my hair. It was weird to think about such things when I was used to wearing whatever was clean and making sure my hair was out of my face. What about makeup?

All of Saturday was preparation. I took a long hot shower and carefully blow-dried my hair afterwards, then straightened it and pulled it into a ponytail carefully placed in the exact middle on the back of my head.

Finding clothes to wear was difficult. Vic had said to dress casual, so I was sure I was going to wear a pair of my ripped and faded jeans, but what shirt to wear? From nearly an hour of staring into my closet I had narrowed it down to two shirts. A black t-shirt with the Rolling Stones mouth and tongue, and a long-sleeved green one with a picture of the B-52s. I chose the green one, deciding it would be better in case it got cold at night.

Dana wasn’t speaking to me, so I didn’t have to deal with her while I got ready. Once when I heard her leave to go to the store with Danny I went upstairs and took some of her makeup, deciding to experiment and see I could pull it off.

In fact I did it rather well. Black eyeliner looked nice on me I found, and just a little clear lip gloss. I was amazed Dana even had any of those things, because she only ever wore bronzer and dark red lipstick. When I got done it was only three, and I sat to wait impatiently until eight thirty.

Morris Avenue wasn’t too far, and I could make it without seeing anyone who might have reported me to Dana, because of course she wasn’t letting me out of the house after the ‘tone’ I’d been using recently. It was oddly liberating to know I was escaping her and she would never even know.

Dana was reading under the light of a small lamp in the living room, and she didn’t even look up as I darted past her and out the back door. It didn’t creak like the front door, so I was able to get out unnoticed. I set off down the dark, deserted street and whistled to myself.

I danced out of the way of the streetlights, not wanting to be seen. My feet felt oddly light, and I was…happy. Morris Avenue came quickly, and I ran my hand over a rusty fence and stared around looking for a bonfire. It was a rather bad part of the neighborhood. Dogs barked and people could be heard shouting. I spotted the flames and smoke quickly.

As I got closer I could hear music and laughter, and my stomach knotted itself into a little ball. I was suddenly gripped with nerves so strong I felt sick. Vic was turning twenty, so I would probably be the youngest person at the party. A fifteen year old among adults. I felt childish.

I got to the house, finding it to be very small and decrepit. Before I could knock it opened and a couple ran into me. I stepped out of their way, mumbling an apology. After watching them leave I slipped inside, leaning against a wall and catching my bearings.

There were a lot of people, all at least twenty. The smell of beer and pot was evident in the haze of the house, loud music blared and rapid colorful lights flashed all around me. It was an oddly comforting environment, considering the confines I was used to. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath of the smoke, finding myself unaffected. Probably because I was exposed to much worse in my earlier years.

“ Lonnie!”

Vic emerged from the crowd, startling me when he yelled my name. He gave me a one-armed hug, his other hand occupied by a beer. I grinned up at him sheepishly, feeling awkward already.

“ Did you just get here?” Vic asked me in a loud voice over the roar.

“ Yeah!” I yelled back.

Vic smiled. “ Come on, it’s sort of crowded in here.”

He lead me out into the backyard, where the bonfire was blazing. A smaller group of people sat around it, all laughing hysterically at something that had been said before we went back there. Vic led me closer to the people, one arm still around my shoulders.

“ Guys, this is Lonnie.” he called out as we got up to them.

They all turned toward me, scrutinizing no doubt. I folded my arms over my stomach and kept my eyes down, hoping they couldn’t see me blush in the orange glow of the fire.

Vic leaned down so he was right next to my ear. “ They won’t bite.” I smiled, feeling his stubble on my ear was sort of nice. Then he spoke louder, so they could hear. “ Lonnie, this is Tick, Amanda, Sam, Rachel, Bart, and Wes. They’re the people I really invited, besides you. Of course they invited ‘a few guests‘.”

Vic nodded his head in the direction of his house, face disdainful. His friends shrugged in unison and laughed again. I was either accepted or ignored, I wasn’t sure. Whatever it was I was allowed to sit around the fire with them, one of Vic’s arms still holding me to his side.

Most of the time I listened, they didn’t include me in the conversation often, and I usually just had to nod or smile. From listening I gathered Tick was the slob of the group, and was dating Rachel, who was a business woman that worked in the city a few miles away. Amanda was Vic’s sister, and Bart was dating Wes. Sam and Amanda were single, but they hung out a lot. Except Rachel they all seemed to be what you would classify as ‘indie’, like Vic.

Amanda had been watching me, I could feel it. Eventually she flipped her short blue hair out of her eyes and moved to sit on my side that wasn’t attached to Vic. “ Kid, you seriously need to lighten up. Here.”

My eyes widened as she handed me a beer. I had never drank before, and it made me anxious. She watched me until I raised the can to my lips and took a long gulp.

“ Ew.” I said under my breath.

Amanda laughed. “ Yeah, it’s not great, but it’ll take the edge off nicely.”

Taking her advice I drank the whole thing. I didn’t really feel better, just sleepy. But another was handed to me, and another. Soon there were six empty cans on the ground at my feet, and I was feeling a little more outgoing.

“ Lonnie goes to the high school uptown.” Vic was saying.

I shifted so my cold feet were closer to the fire. “ It freaking sucks.”

“ Always has.” agreed Tick, laughing.

“ The girls are catty like hell.” Rachel chimed in.

Vic smiled down at me. “ Lonnie’s sort of a loner there. They all hate her.”

“ That’s not very funny.” I slurred into his leg, leaning my head against him.

They laughed at me. “ She’s really drunk, Vic.”

“ Perfect time to dance!” screamed Bart, pulling Wes up.

I saw Vic roll his eyes and get up to turn on his stereo on the back deck. When he got back I found I was standing, feeling the beats of the song he’d put on pulsing through me. I could see Rachel and Tick dancing beside me, and Bart and Wes, and Amanda swaying by herself. Vic stood in front of me. 

“ Know this song?” he asked me softly.

I listened, trying to place it. My sluggish mind tripped over the lyrics.

In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey
Butane in my veins and I’m out to cut the junkie
With the plastic eyeballs, spray-paint the vegetables
Dog food stalls with the beefcake pantyhose
Kill the headlights and put it in neutral
Stock car flamin’ with a loser and the cruise control
Baby’s in reno with the vitamin d
Got a couple of couches, sleep on the love-seat
Someone came sayin’ I’m insane to complain
About a shotgun wedding and a stain on my shirt
Don’t believe everything that you breathe
You get a parking violation and a maggot on your sleeve
So shave your face with some mace in the dark
Savin’ all your food stamps and burnin’ down the trailer park
(Disclaimer: Song credited to BECK)

I laughed. “ Beck.”

“ Uh huh. Can you dance, Lonster?”

“ I don’t know.” I bit my lip and watched the others dancing, wondering if I could copy their movements.

“ I bet you can.”

Vic spun me, making me dizzy. With his hands on my hips Vic guided me to the music, and I started to get the hang of it. I closed my eyes and let my arms, hips, and legs do what they wanted to the beat. I pulled my hair out of the ponytail and shook it out, opening my eyes to grin at Vic. He had a strange look on his face. I kept on dancing.

When I opened my eyes again I found I was dancing alone, and the others were strewn on the ground just watching me. I laughed, completely free of embarrassment in my inebriation. I joined them on the ground, laying between Vic and Sam, totally spent.

I heard Tick burst into raucous laughter. “ Dude! She gave Sam a boner!”

That shocked me. My tired eyes opened long enough to glance over at Sam’s pants, where I found Tick wasn’t lying. I scooted closer to Vic and shut my eyes again. Before falling asleep I heard laughing and Sam saying ‘Hey, shut up!’, and felt Vic’s arm go around me once again.