Imagined or Real

IMAGINED OR REAL

Is it all in my mind
How inconsequential I seem
To him?

Is it all made up
How I try and I try
For him?

Is there any light
At the end of this tunnel
For us?

Why do I care so much
When he shows so little care
For me?

I hold on and on
Breaking at my ends but never broken down
For what?

Twenty dollars and a pack of cigarettes
Six pack of beer
Home at 4 a.m.

My loss of sleep
I help him dig my hole
So deep.

Why do I empower and equip
Give my last dollar
And what am I left with?

‘What is it,‘ when I call
‘What took you so long,’
‘Who you call, let me see your phone’
Records.

Calling just to see if I’m alone
Never any trust
Dead air on the phone.

I come home from a long day
Walks right by me
Going out with the boys he tells me.

Alright. Ok. Goodbye.
He almost forgot, ‘borrow’ a few dollars?
Then he’s gone from sight.

So you playing me
Just using me
Getting one by me?

Is that what it is
Everything you flip back on me
Guilty conscious?

You say I stress you, tax you
I don’t understand
How I un-relax you.

Do everything in my power
And fail miserably
In your eyes.

Take a deep breath
I believe
The sun will still rise.

Wake up tomorrow
Imagined or real
This is still how I feel.