Never Really Understanding

even if you understood what i just said, it wouldnt make a difference.
not a difference to the hole you have in your head
which you like to fill with scraps from last night’s meal.
cold, flavorless, and forgotten.
rubbery, the gravy flows down the half of your stoic face.

love is like never knowing what to expect.
more like not expecting.
more like not getting what you expect.
never.
love is like a dream you dream sometimes that makes you feel warm inside
everything is sunshine and happy
everything is now everything.
but you have to wake up,
you know you have to, cause if you dont, youre just dead.
and when you do, you realize youve never really had it..

sandy beaches where birds go to recount last nights happenings.
i lay out on the beach, my legs submerged in waves..
my arms stretched out, one touching a sea star, another a rock.
i was just laying there looking up at the sky which i couldnt see.
thinking about sand and how its all around me.
nothing is happy.
nothing is thrown into the ocean without a logical reason.
flowers that grow next to hills never see where their children go.
trying not to listen to you whisper.
sinking in deeper and deeper till i join the greatest people who have ever lived.

youre in a room alone.
listening to sweet songs of romance.
smelling the scent of candles
glowing a soft light across the room.
songs that you think you understand, but really its pain they want.
they want the pain in you to seep out for them.
to seeeeeeeeep out slowly and majestically.
like waiting for the world to bleed gold.
youre in the waiting room.
waiting to rot.
your head is going blurry.
you dont know what time it is anymore, or where you are.
sometimes youre happy, sometimes sad, but mostly youre nothing.
waiting for another day to start you think: life is life.

logical sex has never existed.
every bite you take is one too many,
and soon, oh you know it will be soon, youll have nothing left under the sheets
but the broken soul youve been feasting on.
sorry as you are, youre satisfied with pain.
as sorry as you are you pull each and every hair off her head
and stick them to the wall.

the dough boy is waiting outside.
sitting on the pavement looking up at you in your room.
youre not safe.
he knows youre there watching.
you havent seen a human being all day
so you forgot what they look like.