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 |  Article found in the WDC imaginary newspaper.
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** THIS JUST IN: ENRAGED MAN RUNS INTO OWN THOUGHT A WDC EXCLUSIVE! A remarkable yet wholly uninteresting situation developed yesterday afternoon in a suburban neighborhood just outside BoringTown, USA. While preparing for that evenings round of barbiturate laden pocket pool, Herman MostlyMan found himself instead of attending his annual pity party, covered head to toe in brainpan goo. After receiving a bad review from one of his blogs the night before, this gentleman of limited mental means let the rage inside build to the point of going one blog too far. In an admitted rage induced hissy fit, Mr. MostlyMan spun on his heels while spinning his wheels, a practice neither condoned nor promoted by this newspaper nor any affiliate thereof, causing his image to tarnish and forcing him to smash into his own ego. Covering his entire body in sticky, smuggy brainpan goo, and subsequently falling face first into a composition of his own design, Mr. MostlyMan knew he was in deep trouble. He decided to take immediate and drastic action. Staggering to his feet, MostlyMan attempted to remove his latest creation but instead found himself stirring further into his own juices; adding insult to an already inglorious (albeit poetically justifiable) literary injury. Shouts of ‘hey look at me’ reverberated from the man’s modest kitchen prompting concerned onlookers and nay sayers to flood the local Emergency Services Department in a sea of bad jokes and quid pro quoes. Literally caught up in his own musings, Mr. MostlyMan suffered hemorrhages of the bowel, two broken promises, fractured writers block, third degree scarring to his private issues, and one busted ball-sack just for good measure. This poor soul will no doubt spend the next two to three weeks seeking comfort and pity from the local lackeys and boot lickers who remain permanently affixed to his anal viewpoint. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** UPDATE After several months in and out of sixteen different federal and state courts, Herman MostlyMan was successful in obtaining exclusive rights to his own biographical novel; announcing its final release date sometime in the near or distant future. As you may remember after Mr. MostlyMan’s tragic ordeal during the notorious brain poo incident, several hundred versions in multiple unintelligible archaic languages were produced by associates of Mr. Mostlyman, only to have authorities throw them off of Lunatic Fringe Pier into Antiquity Sea (pictured above) for containing too many calories with no substance within whatsoever. Associates of this newspaper have failed in their attempts to contact Mr. MostlyMan. Efforts to calm the local native population of worry warts in uproar over the courts decision have failed as well. One thing remains for certain in this strange tale of what’s that in whose who...the only way to make this person’s literary work worth ingesting is to officially change the authors name from MostlyMan to HungryMan. Maybe then it might actually sell. . / |
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