The Call From New York City

The call from New York City came at seven or so AM
Lightly awake after a restless night of repeated tosses and turns
I saw her last Friday and she was as remote as the Yukon snow in July
I could tell it was almost time again, despite her protests to the contrary

Semi awake I grabbed the phone, unable to see caller id sans glasses
Her voice was almost unrecognizable as the vision in my head of her,
Crying with pain, lonely, isolated in the desolation of a hotel room far away
Nail file in her hand, held to her throat as she cries “I can't go on any more”

Another bout of dipsomania in a lonely depressed state cripples her again
Her voice so anguished that I almost did not recognize it, her sobs unbearable
The shriek of death fills my ears and I want to die also, so powerless am I
My consoling words fall on ears deafened by alcohol, Chantix and Welbutrin

Her agony so harsh, so grating, her pain as deep as a human can hurt
Her sounds almost animal like as she tries to cut her own throat with the file
The phone goes dead, I am devastated as I fall to my knees in my bed clothes
I ask God to watch over her and help her as my knees hit the floor

I hate this disease and I am angry again with it, it doesn't fight fairly
It is insidious in it's approach, it's a bitch and I can't fight back
All that I can do is ask that somehow some way she not hurt herself
I call in fierce trepidation hoping that she might answer, she does not

The cell rings, I know it is her by the desperation in the unrecognizable voice
I understand the words that I do not want to hear, “it won’t cut my skin”
She is attempting to cut her own throat on the phone as we speak
I am desperate to have her stop but she will not and I cannot


My heart sinks like a rock in a pond, intent to try to defy the laws of gravity, unable
The scene is a mess of confusion with only audio references to steer me
I hear a phone ring, muffled voices yelling above her cries and sobs
I hear a mans voice, a loud staccato conversation between her and him ensues

I know not what is going on from where I sit four hundred miles away
I know only that my friend is in a deep, dark place, she is lost
The mans voice comes on the phone, it is hotel security and I am relieved
He asks my name and I advise him of her situation and troubles

I ask that this complete stranger treat her with kindness and take care of her
She is need of hospitalization and so much more, she is need of a loving God
When your wounds are this deep, I believe that one is beyond human help
I will do my best and remember her in my prayers as I have day after day

I will ask others too to remember her for she is one of us, a human being
Wonderful, kind and lost.