The Health Department

It is one of those things that we all have to go through sooner or later.... Getting tested. I usually go to the health department every year or so for a free check up and AIDS test. No to say that I am at risk, but I want piece of mind that only a negative result can give me.
It has been 3 years and I know it is time, but I had been slacking off lately, and knew sooner or later I needed to go. Should I go back to the health department? I am in a better situation now, with insurance and a personal doctor. I thought about going to him, but then I thought about all the taxes I pay and decided that public health was the way to go.
Feeling accomplished, I made the appointment and went down the the health department. I stepped up to the font desk and gave the receptionist my name. She sent me into a smaller waiting room with about 20 chairs and told me to wait until my name was called.
I was there for about an hour when a dark-skinned heavy set black man came to the door and called my name. I hoped he wasn't the doctor because I prefer a woman doctor. Men are usually rougher than women, and they tend to pull my testicles a little too hard! I also don't like the way they get down on their knees, as if ready to service me. If we gonna do all that I would rather have a cute, young, female doctor on her knees so I can daydream about times past.
Big guy took me to an open area where there was someone waiting to take my blood and check my vitals. She was an older, short stocky lady. The lady was nice, but not too good with needles. After 4 pricks in both arms she finally got the needed specimen. My vitals were OK so she sent me into a smaller room to wait for the doctor.
The examination room was about 10x6 with a small exam table and a cart with various torture devices. The lady that took my blood came back and stood beside the cart. She was here for the show, I thought. She pretended to make herself useful by neatly arranging the objects on the table in a straight line... before I had the chance to ask what all the tools were for the doctor came in. A young, pretty doctor came in asked me to drop my pants. "My pleasure" I replied. I could feel the 4 eyes on me as the doctor gently started examining me. The assistant looked on with her hands close to the tools on the table just in case she had to pass the doctor something...
When she asked the assistant for the swab my stomach hit the ground. The swab looked like an over sized Q tip about 8 inches long. I knew nothing good would come from this. I told the doctor that all that wasn't needed. Besides I just came in for a screening, I wasn't having any symptoms so I felt that there was no need for the swab. The doctor explained that this was procedure and she does this to everybody. She told the assistant to hold my hand as I got ready to be sodomized in the worst way.
I held my breath as she inserted the long Q tip. I felt a sharp piercing pain as she put it about 2 inches into my penis. I tried to break the assistant's hand, but she was pretty strong and she squeezed right back.
"There". After what seemed like an eternity the doctor pulled it out and told me to pull my pants up. What a first date, I thought. She told me that they got the specimen and that the results would take two weeks. The doctor said that they would not call me unless something was wrong, so in this case, no news is good news. They would not give me a call unless I came up positive. She gave me a brown bag filled with condoms and sent me on my way. "Could have brought me dinner first" I said under my breath as I walked out of the office.
So for the next two weeks, I will ponder over everybody I had sex with in the last 3 years while I wait for the clinic not to call me. Its gonna be a long week. Next time I will go to my personal doctor. I guess we all grow up sometimes.