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Rated: 13+ · Monologue · Comedy · #1523552
A recap of some of the wee's headlines.
This week’s scoop-



This week most Americans were gearing up for Super Bowl XLIII.  The Arizona Cardinals will be facing the Pittsburgh Steelers in this year’s match up.  Traditionally, the Super Bowl is a time when most people set aside what is going on in the world to focus on the true national pastimes of watching sports, eating junk food, and drinking yourself under the sofa.  The economic woes put a bit of a damper on some people’s festivities this year.  Increased sales of cheaper beer and even cheaper advertising proved to be clear indicators of the state of the economy.  MillerCoors decided to combine the two and take cheap advertising to new lows with a one second beer commercial.  You may be asking yourself, what could they possibly put in a one second commercial?  Well, it is rumored that the commercial will feature a game watcher passed out on the sofa, beer in one hand, hot wings in the other with the caption “BEER GOOD”.  Sounds like great advertising to me, and a steal at only $100,000 a second.  Who says American companies don’t know how to spend their money wisely.



Although the Super Bowl occupied most people’s thoughts this week, Americans were also very interested in newly elected President Barack Obama’s first full week in office.  President Obama spent much of the week undoing much of what his predecessor George W. Bush had put in place.  President Obama changed the “jackets required” policy at the White House, put in orders to close “Gitmo” before the end of 2009, and imposed a requirement for all his staff to know how to say the word “nuclear”. 



Former President George W. Bush spent his first week back as a civilian at his Crawford Texas Ranch.  Although it was where he spent most of his presidency, apparently W was still happy to be back at the “Western White House”.  The forty-third President reportedly spent most of his week getting back into the swing of things by cutting down brush, riding his horses, and putting up a big banner in front that said “Mission Accomplished…Mostly”.  Former Vice President Dick Chaney was also happy to be back in Texas.  He kicked off his first civilian week by lobbying for Halliburton, shooting a friend in the face, and putting himself in charge of the Western White House. 



Finally this week, the ongoing corruption scandal regarding Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich took an expected turn.  In a unanimous decision the Illinois State Senate voted to impeach the Governor and ban him from ever holding public office in the state.  Although this was a surprise to no one, the Governor spent the days before the hearings on a media blitz to try and rescue his position.  Apparently the Governor could not be reached for comment after the impeachment hearings because he had decided drown his sorrows in hot sauce at the Philadelphia Chicken Wing Bowl.  The Philly Wing Bowl is an annual event where contestants try to down as many chicken wings as possible in 20 minutes.  Apparently last year’s winner downed impressive 157 hot wings, but it was no match for the Governor who was rumored to have gulped down an astonishing 203 “nu-cu-lar” wings.  Unfortunately, the newly civilian Governor’s win was short lived when he was disqualified an hour after the contest for selling his chicken crown to the highest bidder.  When asked to comment he said “MONEY GOOD”.



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Printed from https://writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1523552-2-Minute-Scoop-February-2-2009