The true reason for their union. |
She sits alone in her office late on a Tuesday morning watching the time shift from 12:32 am to 12:33am on the clock. Alone in silence as cars pass on by outside her window as she remains rooted to her seat ; slowly she lowers her head as she admits defeat and closes her eyes; replaying the days events within her mind. Harsh words, broken promises, and a broken marriage-friendship within 24 hours. Now she’s remains off on her own in the darkness of her home office, left to deal with the aftermath of her actions. “You’ve really screwed up this time ; why didn’t you tell him the truth instead of leading him to believe from the start that you really loved him so devotedly?” Her inner self screams; adding to her already heavy guilt ridden heart. Softly she answers her own question out loud for the world to hear “I tried to love him the way he needed me to. I bent over backwards trying to be perfect for him, to make him happy. The entire time though we both know it was only a façade an act put on to the world. Now the curtains closed and it’s time to go, only for him it was real. He loved you with his entire heart. He held you with the highest respect and placed you on a pedal stool. No one in his eyes ever would be as good as you and you threw that all away. His entire view of you has changed within one day and that’s what scares you the most. It isn’t the fact that you may have lost him…it’s the image that’s been ruined. Vain and selfish that’s who you’ve always been and always will remain.” Tears trickle down her cheek as she realizes her true self, brown eyes open and look around the well furnished room. The turning of the doorknob alerts her to another’s presence; looking towards the entry way there he stands; angered brown eyes staring angrily into her own doe brown orbs. “Why?” His voice is harsh and horse from their earlier encounter. “Why?” He asks again as he moves to stand in front of where she remains rooted to her seat. She lowers her head and turns away, not being able to look him in the eyes; seeing the pain he projects for all to see. She doesn’t want to see how shattered he is behind the anger and hurt. She doesn’t want to cry anymore then she’s already cried, she knows deep within her heart for the rest of her life the guilt will eventually drive her insane. “Never was it you and never will it be you; I have no words of comfort …no words that can offer solace or peace for a wounded heart. Am I sorry that I wasn’t honest with you from the beginning? Do I regret lying to you and leading you on and never coming clean? Thinking that if I told you this and extended this truth you’d find me interesting? It began as a simple friendship but it became much more, so much more.” He stands quietly as he knows she’ll continue on with her explanation; he already knows what’s to come from her. She’s always been an over emotional female , time hasn’t changed that much about her. She turns back around seeking out his eyes the very window to his soul. “When I first told you I liked you it wasn’t true I liked what you where going to become and what you would be. What you would represent …I knew how deep your feelings ran for me. I used those against you and slowly lead you to believe that I liked you as you liked me.” Pausing she stopped and took a deep breathe before continuing on. “Eventually along the way though I’ve stopped pretending and fell in love with you.” She rises from her seat and goes to stand by the office door, her body sore from sitting still so long. He shakes his head; shoulders slightly shaking as he speaks his next words. “The entire time we were together was it for show rather then love or had it been until towards the end or was it towards the middle?” Once more she looks anywhere within the office avoiding his gaze. “Towards the middle I begun to feel the change, face it you were so far away with your job hell you were married to your job and I know that it was required. .I knew your past your history I guess I never really trusted you entirely. I tried though really I did. You were good to me. Too good to me and I took and took and took and never really gave truly. Not what you really needed. Then when your ex-girlfriend entered the picture again my insecurity began and I felt deep within my heart that it was the beginning of the end.” “ Slowly I let my heart close off and I begun to pull away; trying to shield myself from your pain. Confusing huh?” “You always were a walking question mark”. He remarks dryly. “Shut up”. She whimpers as she tries to continue on. “Don’t you realize I’ve used you and I’m no good for what I’ve done?”. “No what I realize is that your scared, you’re running, hiding and trying to find every excuse under the sun to leave.” He replies now occupying her earlier seat by the window. He runs his hands through his shoulder length brown hair and looks up at her seeking out her brown eyes. Once more he finds she shied away. “ It’s best that we go our own ways for now as we don’t know what we want or what we need. Instead we , this us isn’t going to work anymore. I lied to you from the beginning how can you trust me now? I’m not asking because I don’t love you anymore I’m asking you because I feel it’s the best thing in the world for us at this moment and time. Right now all I really feel is friendship towards you. I don’t want to end up hating you so please just let me go.” She pleads knowing that once he leaves she’ll never see him again as she’ll fade away into the shadows never to return. She never wants to hurt him again as he some how became someone she’s loved and respected more then she’s ever had in her life. “Leave just leave before I end up doing something I regret”. He voice quietly rings out through the quiet office with the two tear streaked young adults. She doesn’t give him time to answer as she turns and walks out the door; into the bedroom they share just to grab her bag of clothes. She hears a vase smash against the wall cringing she continues on her way towards the front door. Her head turns right, her head goes left and she turns to look once more as she opens the door. “One more thing …” She whispers to the angry screams that now feel the house again “ I am two months pregnant.” |