Dear me, myself.

Dear me, myself.

The new year. Much the same as the old one don’t you think?

The same cold days greet you at the beginning of the year, and the same cold ones wave goodbye sheepishly at the end, knowing they never accomplished what they set out to achieve. The heat in the middle months is inconsistent - at least that’s something we can’t depend on.

There’s always a love, there’s always a loss. There’s always a dozen arguments, and there’s always mistakes.

The only thing I ponder is. How do we grow when our years merely repeat themselves? Do we just get more out of the same year as we grow old enough to understand it? Or truly does each year provide you with different lessons to learn?

My aim for the new year is to discover this.

And if it is true that the year each time is similar. - I aim to shake it up. To love more, To lose more, To mess up a thousand times more, and to learn the lesson each time. Be the message one that's newly open to me to learn, or one that I simply hadn’t realised was there before.

To embrace the time I have. To be spontaneous and unpredictable in each decision I make. To chose the hardest options.

I don’t want the same year twice. I want to learn everything I can from life.

I don’t want to lose weight, to be nicer, to polish my nails every day or to stop daydreaming. None of this inconsequential, unclassified, nonsense that many of us say to our selves year after year.  I don’t want to change me. I just want to get more out of my life, to make me more substantial. I want to put myself to the test. I want to see my reactions to the strangest of situations. I want to see how brave I truly am and put myself into life, 100%, 100 years over , again and again.

This is my resolution. Not for new year. For living.
I'll let you know how I get on.