Why It Sucks To Be A Teenager

         In the modern day and age being a teenager sucks. It is a fact that is universally acknowledged (except by a few idiots who think we’re all a bunch of whiners). But why? Is it because of the hormones? Is it because of high school? No. It’s Hitler’s fault. Yes, you DID in fact read the last sentence correctly: it’s Hitler’s fault. And no, this is not a joke. The fact that it sucks to be a teenager is entirely due to the actions of Adolf Hitler.
         As anyone who has taken a history class could tell you, Adolf Hitler was a dictator of Germany. He established the Third Reich, conquered most of Europe within a few months and authorized the mass slaughter of some 6 million people during the Holocaust. And that person could probably also inform you that all of this occurred in the 1940’s, that Hitler committed suicide in 1945, and that he or she cannot see how the actions of a man who has been dead for over 60 years could possibly effect teenagers today.
         Well, when Hitler decided to go on his little escapades throughout Europe he made alliances with Japan and Italy (aka the Axis Powers) against Britain, France, Russia and pretty much the rest of Europe (aka the Allies). The United States did not enter the war until 1941 when the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. In entering the war thousands of American men and boys enlisted. Fast forward to 1945 and the Axis powers are defeated.
         So at this point thousands of soldiers come home horny as hell and the result is known as the Baby Boom, a period lasting from 1946 to 1964 during which time approximately 79 million babies were born.
         At first everything was hunky-dory, but as time progressed little problems appeared with the sudden dramatic population increase. When the baby-boomers grew into adults they overloaded the job market. There were more laborers than there were jobs. And a couple of decades pass and we arrive at today: most of the baby-boomers are retiring and that’s straining the Social Security Administration. And of course the shortage of jobs is still a problem because most of the baby-boomers had kids of their own, which provides yet more labor.
         The modern teenager receives a great deal of pressure to go to college and get an education in order to get a high paying job. But since there are so many students, getting into college is very competitive. And there is the added predicament of how to get a job after graduating from a college. The competition to get into a good school and to get a good job afterward causes a lot of stress for teenagers. That stress can have many effects, but one of the most notable effects is that it can lead to deterioration of a teenager’s health. Some teens have mental breakdowns from all of the stress. Others start eating compulsively and develop disorders in various areas of the body.
         And because of the fantastic education system we have here in the States, teachers try to fix problems common in students by teaching them how to avoid the problems when they are young. That is where health class comes from. This is actually a decent approach, but what the fine educators fail to see is that accompanying self-awareness are insecurity and stress. And these charming accompaniments sometimes make the situation worse.
         And the result of all of this stress is a period of absolute hell known as ‘adolescence’. And obviously it is all Hitler’s fault.