Monster

The rain fell and fell this miserable night. Everything was ready, I knew what had to be done. I was guilty of living a pathetic life, I had to end it all. The noose was tied right on the tree where she was standing the first time I met her. Tears still rolled out and made a warm trail down my cheeks. I had to die right where my parents laid, maybe then they would forgive me. Maybe I wouldn’t have a pathetic life in the afterlife. I was about ready to die, but not until my story was told.
I remember when it all began, a simple night in Paris, France I was visiting my parents ant the graveyard as I always did back then. That was when I met her, she stood there in the dark moonlit night between those two trees, her beauty was well hidden behind that black dress and her long black hair, her skin matched the color of the moonlight ever since I saw her I knew I would do anything for her to be mine I would kill all of Paris, or France , hell I would kill the whole world for this woman to be mine.
I stared into her beauty for a bit longer until I decided to break the silence by saying
“Good evening,” I must have babbled unintelligibly since I saw a puzzled look upon her face when I said that “I’m sorry but what I meant to say was good evening” this time she seemed to understand since that look on her face was gone.
“Why yes it is a lovely evening isn’t it, are you here visiting somebody, I’m sorry to ask but I’m am just curious is all.” She said all this in a very appealing way, her words sounded just like an angels words soft, strange yet interesting that you would want to hear her voice over and over again .
“Well yes I am visiting my mother and father they passed away a few years ago, I’m sorry to say but isn’t that a strange question aren’t you doing the same thing are you not visiting some relative or loved one that has passed away?” I replied to her question.
“No, I do not mourn the losses of those I loved here, in do that elsewhere, my boss always told me to never show sadness at a public place, he always said it was a sign of a weakness, although I only have one loved one who has passed on and that is my mother I do not dare show that I miss her in any way or form, it is the way I was raised, so whenever I feel sad or miss mother I need to cry separated from any one else, I know it is not very common for somebody to do such a thing but I only come here for the…” she wasn’t allowed to finish I interrupted her I had such a horrible habit and my mother always hated it.
“Then why are you out here , isn’t it a little to late for such a young and beautiful woman to be out alone? I mean , it is very late it seems to be around midnight and there are a lot of psychopaths that lurk around at this time of hour.” I knew that she probably wouldn’t answer to such a complete stranger and I understood, I expected her to leave.
“ I come here when I please I simply come down here to enjoy the beautiful sights form up here and I do believe it is my life and if some psychopath decides to end it so be it I lived a good life and I’m not afraid to die now” she replied I was surprised her words actually made sense I never expected for a woman to be so brave to start a conversation with a total stranger who his name is unknown to her who she met in the middle of the night in a graveyard of all places how very odd this was, she was brave and beautiful.
“Well you are right about everything the scenery from up here is quite great, and you are the main person to care about your life being in jeopardy, but I know something you don’t I know that the scenery is nothing compared to your beauty and more than one person could care about you.” I asked her trying to see if she understood what I had meant she looked at me the crisp air now blew waves all across her long, black dress.
“Thank you for the compliment but I disagree, I love this scenery much more than I love myself, and I do believe I do not know your name just yet so please introduce yourself, please.” she replied then gave me a stare, I knew that she deserved to know my name since she had been involved in a conversation with a complete stranger until about now.
“Very well then I shall tell you my name I must tell you though I truly do dislike it, my name is that of Robert, and that is all I wish to be called my last name should not be of importance.” I felt like a true jerk when I said this since my voice sounded rude and so very annoyed I really shouldn’t have acted like that, she didn’t deserve such treatment, she just wanted to know a name so I would be a stranger no more. “I’m very sorry about the tone of my voice it wasn’t my intention for the words to sound so rude and annoyed.”
“That is quite alright Robert, I understand that sometimes words don’t come out just as we intend them to, my name is Samantha, and I’m very pleased to meet you” she said in a nice reassuring way, the tone of her voice was now again like that of an angel’s voice. For a moment there was a silence, it was intense I never had liked the complete silence it always had made me feel scared and unsure of myself. “How very nice to meet you she added but now I must leave” she added he left I looked down to my parents and then I looked back up she was gone now.
I stood there with my parents for a little while longer until it started to rain. I said my good-byes to my parents and left home. I had no rush to get home I just walked with no apparent hurry. My clothing soaked up my body still I had no hurry to get home I just made the best of it. No other person was out on the roads, just like I liked it no one that would wave to say hi, just me. Almost there I was half asleep when I saw my home, still I would not even bother to rush, closer and closer I got to the dark black and purple home at the end of the road, nothing to light this place it was just a little better for me I never needed such thing as lighting I never spent to much time at home, Finally I arrived I closed the doors behind me I dint change clothing I just made my way to the bed and fell asleep, knowing that I would see this woman soon enough.
The morning was upon me quite quickly, although the sun wasn’t up to alert me the dark sky was now a lighter gray then it had been the night before. No need for breakfast I would only be wasting my time, I headed out the door once more, I needed to say good morning to my parents, how they always hated the rain I knew that me visiting them would make there day as rotting bodies in the earth somewhat better, and of course I wished to meet my lovely Samantha once again but my parents needed company. Once I got to the cemetery and stood in the place where I met Samantha I looked down at mother and father’s graves they dirt was so wet, if felt so sorry that their corpses would have to deal with all the things my parents had hated when they were alive. There was no possible solution for their problem though so I stopped and tried to enjoy my visit.
I was there standing with my parents when I heard a shriek then some angry yelling. The yelling I had no idea who it had come from but still the shriek had sounded like Samantha. I hurried and tried to find the source of the yelling, I moved up a hill and then I found a bleak little building that seemed to be the source of all this. I thought about the no good coward that was doing all this, the dam bastard should know how to treat a woman better especially one like Samantha. As I got closer to the building anger filled my head. I barged in the building the smell of rotting corpses surrounded me, the place was depressing enough with its blank walls. The stench was horrible it was not overwhelming but the anger stayed within me and I knew that this maggot would pay with his life if it was necessary if he even laid a finger on her.
The yelling had stopped, still I barged in to a room where I thought I had heard the yelling, in there I found a corpse, a man wearing a white smock you would expect some sort of doctor to wear, on one hand he held a scalpel, his gloved hands were full of blood, for a moment I thought that this man had killed Samantha but then she walked into the room. I was in a way shocked it appeared that these people were morticians, and I didn’t even realize that this room didn’t have the stench of rotted meat, this room stunk like chemicals and blood. Samantha was wearing the same thing as the mortician.
“Who the hell are you?” the mortician who was an old man yelled out. “Why the hell are you in here you are not welcome here, why the hell did you come in as if you owned the dammed place?!?!” The man was yelling frantically again my anger was now gone I was now really annoyed, I no longer felt like killing him, I just wanted to leave.
I tried explaining but the old man refused to listen, he was yelling frantically I no longer understood what he was saying. I left without apologizing I left the old mortician to continue his angry yelling. Screw all that, screw the stupid old man, he should really just end his life now, damn man is to old to even speak correctly and intelligibly, danm him to hell. Those were all thought’s that swirled around in my head as I left the morgue.
Now I was back with my parents, the rain had finally stopped., I sometimes wished I could join my parents in their dirt homes, so I would no longer have any worries about people. I then sat by my parents pondering about life and why I was still alive to this date why hadn’t I been punished for what I had done. Was there no God and therefore I wasn’t punished for my evil deeds, or was he waiting for something else to happen. I remained pondering while looking at the dirt. I was about to go home since I had nothing better to do when. I saw a shadow behind me and I was sure that the silence would last for long now, I didn’t say anything , I just kept thinking and thinking .
“I am sorry” I looked up Samantha was in front of me, “he is my boss and it is my fault that he is so aggravated, you see I am a mortician if you haven’t been able to figure that out so far and I forgot to do a very simple process with one of our ‘customers’, I am supposed to drain blood from everybody, and well I kind of forgot to do this to somebody, that is why his hands were so bloody, of course even if I try to drain somebody bloody hand are inevitable but I keeps a lot of the organs a lot from being so wet.”
“Wow and that was why the man was so aggravated, I could only imagine working with him, wouldn’t it be awful?” I asked “I’m sorry that comment must have been awful since you told me this man is the man who raised you”
“It is all right although he is the only person I have since my mother passed away, he is a little irritating though sometimes I don’t want to be around him and wish he were dead, but not really since he is the ma who raised me as a young child.” Samantha seemed so unaffected by what I said. I never had understood her she always seemed so uncaring about what I said even if it was something that a person would generally get furious about or at least offended. “Wait did you say that draining blood I s as simple process? I’m sorry but I barely caught on to what you said, how could something be simple when you are dealing with dead bodies, can you please explain all this because I am quite confused , well not confused but I find this hard to believe.
“Well yes it is quite a simple process it is just tedious, it takes too long. I just hate having to do it but , I need to it anyway so I do believe I must be leaving soon unless I want to be yelled that again.” she once more talked in a hurry and she looked back at the hill where the morgue was located.
“Can I go with you, I am looking for a job and this working with corpses interests me very much, so what do you say? Can I? please?” I begged and made a very stupid face hoping that she would feel sorry for me.
“Well I guess you can come, just do not make a sound, my boss is probably asleep an I don’t want to disturb him so I wont get yelled at bringing a stranger into our home, yes we live there just saying so you don’t have another of your question attacks. I truly dislike those things they are quite annoying.” She said and started to walk towards that bleak building, I now realized had a sign on front that read out MORGUE in big bold capital letters. We walked in the, up a hallway that was filled with doors, and took a left into a white room filled with hospital beds and corpses everywhere was shocked how many people died jus here in the past couple of days it was surprising to see such a thing.
“Ok lets get started” she said as she transferred a corpse to one of those hospital beds she said “this time you get to observe since I don’t want any screw-ups, now watched closely.” She started to stab the bodies with needles filled with chemicals then finally put in some sort of needle with a tube attached to it then the blood just started to flow out, it was amazing I was really surprised sat there in awe observing every thing she did, she stuck that needle in about a dozen places, to get as much blood possible I supposed, she just continued to work and work on this corpse alone the whole process was about 30 minutes still she was right when you have so many corpses it does become a pain. She then finished and I was eager to try it I remember she commented something about not caring so much if you messed up I couldn’t do much more harm anyway they were already dead. I then thought I was ok to start since she hadn’t said another word then grabbed a corpse then transfer to another table . I started to work on one then I lost track of tem I was so amazed of what I could do it was surprising that t I could do such a thing a needle went in piercing this man’s body, many shots like this continued all over him, the small holes inn his skin formed little road and the blood seemed to light the way, in went the needle that would make the blood come out only I got a little carried away and stabbed the man 20 times instead of a dozen. Time wasn’t important to me at the time being I went through dozens and dozens of corpses, Samantha was now silent , she just called out the name of the people who those corpses belonged to. I really didn’t want to know the names of the people so I simply ignored her. Hours went on and on , until I was working on some woman , then I realized it must have been real late but I stayed here working on my new “hobby”. I looked up hoping to find a window but nothing there.
“I’m sorry it is really late, I just didn’t want to interrupt you, since you were so busy and amused about what you were doing I truly never saw a man interested in theses sorts of things not even my boss. I was simply amused on the way you did what you did. I sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I guess you should be going now , I wouldn’t want to keep you any longer.” she said and I knew she wanted me out of there, it was in her voice.
“ Yes I should be going about now let me just rinse my hands off,” she nodded and said nothing else as I stood here waiting for as response I knew I would get I walked away to wash my hands. After that I simply left in a way angry because of the way this woman talked to me in there, she was trying to be nice about kicking me out.
The rain was back and once again I walked home with no hurries, but this time I was angry. So I was walking a little faster but it wasn’t because I wanted to get home, the anger made me do all this. I got home I didn’t even go to bed was angry today, almost as angry as the night of the so called accident in which my parents died. The truth was I killed them both with a knife, they went out because I was really angry I figured the only way to get rid of the anger was to kill them both, when they got home, I stabbed my father in the heart making his death I little less painful, my mother on the other hand was different I felt sorry when I killed her especially since she raised me she was always there for me into was saddening to even think about killing her. I gave her no special treatment I simply stabbed her in the heart, both of the bodies I mutilated, I destroyed them so much so no one could tell who they were, I threw them out to the street, hoping no on would know who killed them or be able to recognize them, I failed people still recognized them. I pretended to be sad at their funeral I even gave them a blood red rose. I missed killing somebody it all makes me feel so powerful, I missed that feeling, I missed felling the blood all over my hands dripping all over my clothes. I miss having a stain of red all over my hands, a stain that could only be removed by visiting those you killed. It was as if seeing al the bodies triggered my rage and my need to kill . I should kill again, but his time it shouldn’t be just because I’m angry, it should be for the rush and to gain the love of Samantha. I should kill her boss, but how, knife too common, mutilation I had already done, axe related murder might take too long and I don’t want him to scream, poisoning him so I could later do anything to his body without him making a sound that sound perfect. That I what I shall do I will drug him then she will have nobody in her life and she will want to be mine, ah the perfect plan and there is no possible way it could malfunction I am a genius. Now I have to plan how exactly I should kill the man, plan out every detail now I wouldn’t able to sleep I remained in my chair looking out the window, staring into nothingness continued to plan everything out. Soon I would feel the rush again and nobody here could ever stop me. Oh Yes as god as my witness I would once again be powerful. I was so motivated this time not just acting on pure anger now I had love and anger working together, made a perfect and simple combination, a combo so powerful no man should ever experience it . This time everything would be perfect nothing would be out of place only I, the wind, and Samantha would know what happened here. The rest of the night I had devoted to plan everything out perfectly. The only difficulty I encountered was how to drug the old man how would I get the drug? So many questions circled around my mind. I wasn’t able to find an answer so I simply went on and laid on my bed.
I knew I wasn’t going to find an answer I had no time I was in a hurry, I would kill the next day as soon as darkness fell. I was sure everything would work just as I had planned. wasn’t able to sleep that night and I was in no mood to rest I just thought and thought of how great it was going to be. I was convinced that I was indestructible as I laid on my bed I began imagine that my parents would soon have somebody else joining them. Soon they wouldn’t be the only ones. The darkness soon started to fade as I saw the sunlight at the cracks of my door. How I loved my room dark no windows to bother me at night no sight of light, just dark to me this was great I could hide a corpse in here no one would ever find it was so dark I could barely get out of bed without tripping over some old object that I left lying on the floor.
I was amazed on how quickly time passed by when you where planning a murder. Night had fallen .I looked in the mirror one last time before I left, I hadn’t eaten in days I was skeleton like, my pale skin clung to my bones so very tightly, my face especially looked like that of a malnourished homeless person ,my black hair had grown quite long and it was so messy, the rest of my body was so odd I was what most people would cal tall and thin still my clothes seem to be on so very tight my black outfit would go quite nicely with the fact that I was going to be in a way or another “death”. As I stared into the mirror, I grinned as a mad man would right before going on to kill a million people. I was sure I wasn’t a madman. I was idiotic back then but I felt like a god. I was god.
After I was done staring at myself, I grabbed a butcher knife, I ran out the door heading towards the cemetery. When I got to the graveyard I gave my parents a quick visit.
“Someone else will join you soon” I said as I stared down onto the graves something didn’t feel right. I didn’t think that my parents were to happy about this I was about to do. I grabbed the knife I had stored in my pocket. I had an idea that dead people thirsted for blood, I was unsure why I thought that but I felt an adrenaline rush so strong that nothing made much sense other than give my parents some blood, I made a slit on my arm just big enough so blood would rush out and drip down to my parents grave, “ you will have the blood of who is joining you soon enough” I promised my parents.
Up the hill and into the morgue I was in the mood to kill. I barged in the morgue that for some strange reason seemed even bleaker, darker and more depressing than ever before. I had one more look outside before I headed forward to the only door that had light around the edges the room where I hoped to find he who deserved to die. I walked so very slowly and quietly I made sure no one would be awake. I slowly opened the door and crept in. As soon as I was inside I saw a the back of a man. Everything was working out great, the man hadn’t heard me or at least he didn’t think it to be anyone else than Samantha. A mistake for this man, I did in a way feel sorry for him since I had nothing against him I actually respected him in some ways, to know that it was this mans fault to have raised such a beautiful person, I felt as if I was gong to kill a male and much older version of Samantha since they kind of looked alike.
I continued to walk so very slowly to cherish the moment finally I has about to feet away from him. As soon as I was about a foot way from him I threw out a punch since I hadn’t found any drugs I simply knocked him out. I looked around, my punch wasn’t strong since the man was able to scream before he fainted. I found a syringe with some unknown substance inside it, and I quickly popped it in what I thought was a vein , it might had killed the old man but I was desperate to find some sort of drug to keep the man from waking up. Still I was alarmed that the scream might have scared Samantha and that she would be on her way. I hadn’t much time, I wasn’t able to do what I wanted to. I took the knife out once more and held in within my fingers. The flesh was cut and blood started to rush out of his body, I continued to stab him everywhere. Then I stopped I saw all the blood and I once again began to feel the rush I felt powerful, killing was my drug and after what I did I had become an addict.
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,” the screamed pierced the room, I had been Samantha, “ what did you do you stupid little bastard, you fucking idiot you killed my father!” I was puzzled was this man really her father, how come she never called him father or dad all the times she talked to me she referred to him as her boss. “You fucking idiot,” were the only understandable words between all her tears. I was amazed how a woman could change so quickly, I quickly moved out of the way. Her eyes were no longer soft black and reassuring, they were filled with anger and in some way she was no longer a superhuman being she looked more human when she was angry and sad, her beauty was no as great as it was when she was indifferent and seemingly uncaring. She screamed loudly, she wouldn’t shut up, I was afraid that her screams might attract some policemen to the scene. I didn’t say anything I just saw this woman who was now on her knees right next to her fathers corpse. I had to shut her up, that was the only thought that was in my mind at the time. I knew what I had to do, I would regret this and I do.
I got my knife that had slipped away from my fingers when I heard hear scream, I headed towards her direction. I stopped when I was just a couple inches away from her body. I grabbed her head and moved it back leaving her throat uncovered. The knife slid across her neck, slitting her throat. A quick death, I tried to look away, then I felt the blood gushing out of the slit, I held her while the blood escaped her body, I was assured that she had died instantly. No more screams escaped from her mouth. The rush was so quickly gone, now I felt a great depressing feeling overpowering me.
I gazed into her eyes, she lay there motionless. What had I done, tears started to roll down my cheek and finally dripping down to her cold face, her corpse just lay there staring at me, expressionless. How could it have gotten this far, how did it all get to this, I cant believe it This all started as a quest for adventure, so I could feel the rush again. I was trying to gain her love, but I had taken her life instead. How did I let it come to this, I was selfish and now I was left with nothing. Tears continued to escape from my eyes. I am a disgrace. I don’t deserve to live, I don’t want to live, I wont live.
That was when I decided my fate, that is where my story will come to an end. Now you know how tragic my life was and why I decided to go on without my life. Nothing good awaits me in the afterlife but at least I know I wont have to live with the guilt of knowing what I had done. I don’t want to live in this world. I am no good I don’t deserver to live. I had become a monster and that is all I would ever be. So long.