I can't remember your face

I can’t remember your face
I can’t remember how you felt
I can’t remember what you sound like
I remember our bedroom
Turquoise walls
Our bed
I remember the last time we made love
Not the last time we had sex
The last time we made love
It was in that room, on that bed
I remember thinking ‘It won’t get better than this’
Because it was so good
We were so good
The thought hit me without warning that night
Remember that night?
It was dark
We were both half asleep
Then we started touching, caressing, kissing
And then heaven came and came and came...
We were truly one
Your body was mine
Mine was yours
That house was like our relationship
It should have been perfect
Maybe once upon a time it was
It was small, cute, cozy, comfortable
But it was old, needed work
It was falling apart from the day we moved in
I loved that house
It was our only home together
The yard, the trees, so quiet, secluded
It was a glimpse of what heaven could be
We never fixed it
We just painted, re-arranged
We hid the cracks that were so obvious
We covered the holes
I can’t remember your face...
I let you go a long time ago
When I went away
No particular reason, nothing happened
I think that was the problem
Nothing happened
Nothing was ever going to happen
We were falling apart
But we never fixed it
I still can’t listen without a slight pinch to the heart
I gave you my heart
But you never wanted my heart
You just wanted ‘a’ heart
I know mine is too valuable
But it is strong
It’s like you never existed
Like you’re a shadow of a memory
I fucking hate cats
Your family is fucking nuts
I’m not nostalgic
I was never a romantic person
I'm no romantic now
I'm not trying to re-live the 'good old days' because they are gone
I just find fascinating how life goes on
It never stops
It’s always moving
Like the blood through our veins
I miss Carla
I miss making music with her and S.
That was always so intense
We had a connection that went beyond this world
You and I never had that
Music to me is something greater, something ethereal
Something so precious that you break if you treat it like a bunch of notes on a page
That’s how you kill it
You always killed it
I used to care so much
Now I don’t care anymore
And I care about the dead
You’re not even dead to me
Almost like you never were
Maybe I fabricated a persona
Someone who never existed
I think I saw what you could be
And you killed that too