These Words Keep Slipping Away

Nick, I'm in love with you, Tyson thought. Just say it!

"Nick, I'm..."

Nick looked up from his guitar, giving Tyson one of the adorable smiles that made Tyson's heart perform a series of intricate flips and spins.

"Yeah?"

I'm in love with you, Tyson tried to say, but it somehow came out as, "I'm going to ask Kim out."

"That's great, dude," Nick said. "You never told me that you like her."

That's because I don't like her, Tyson wanted to say, but his mouth formed the words, "Of course I do."

"Well, good luck," Nick said, pushing the phone towards Tyson.

"What?" Tyson said, suddenly panicking, "I... I can't, I mean, not right now..."

"Come on, Ty, don't be scared," Nick teased. Tyson swallowed and picked up the phone, his heartbeat quickening a little as Nick's hand brushed against his own. He knew that he should tell Nick the truth, but, if he was honest with himself, suddenly he was scared. Scared of what Nick would say, scared that everything would be awkward, scared that their friendship would be ruined. He liked that they could easily hug and share a bed and sometimes even cuddle on Tyson's couch late at night as they watched concert DVDs and talked and fell asleep tangled together.

The last thing Tyson wanted was to ruin that, so he reluctantly dialed Kim's phone number.

Nick watched as Tyson stuttered the words, "Will... will you go out... um, will you go out with me?"

There was silence for a second, then Tyson smiled.

"Great," he said. There was something odd about his smile, Nick noticed. It seemed tight, almost forced. He's probably just nervous, Nick thought.

When Tyson hung up the phone, Nick looked at him questioningly.

"She said yes," Tyson said, that odd smile still in place.

"That's great," Nick said, smiling.

"Yeah..." Tyson said. "We're going out to dinner in an hour."

"Have fun," Nick said, still smiling. As Tyson left the room, Nick's face fell. He knew he shouldn't be upset. Kim was a nice girl, and she made Tyson happy, and he wanted Tyson to be happy. But at the same time, he'd been in love with Tyson since high school, and he hated it when Tyson got a new girlfriend. He sighed and dropped his gaze back to his guitar.



Several hours later, Tyson found himself standing on the doorstep of the house he shared with Nick. Kim was smiling at him.

"Thanks for dinner, Tyson," she murmured. She stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his. Tyson couldn't think of anything to do but kiss her back. When she pulled away, she gave him another smile and walked down the driveway, back to her car.

Tyson opened the door of the house in time to hear Nick's voice say, "Fuck."

"What's wrong?" Tyson asked.

Nick jumped, turned away from the window, and said, "Nothing."

Nick looked annoyed, frustrated, and a little like he was going to cry.

"Nick." Tyson said "It's not 'nothing'."

"Tyson, it's none of your business, okay?"

"Look, Nick, I'm your best friend," Tyson said, reaching out to touch Nick's shoulder. Nick pulled away angrily. Suddenly, Tyson's mouth dropped open.

"Nick," he said, "You love Kim. That's it, right? It was only one date, I won't go out with her again if you don't want me to. I just didn't -"

"Ty," Nick interrupted, "It's not her I love."

"Then who is it?"

Nick sighed, leaning against the wall. "If you can't figure it out, then you're too blind to see what's right in front of your goddamn eyes."

"I don't -"

"It's you, Ty!" Nick shouted angrily, several tears falling down his cheeks. "I fucking love you, okay?"

There was silence for a moment. Nick slumped against the wall, crying. After a few seconds, Tyson realized what had just happened.

"Nick," he whispered in awe, wrapping his arms around him in a hug, "I love you too. I love you so much."



An hour later, they lay curled around each other in Nick's bed, kissing each other breathlessly, hands exploring each other's bodies. Tyson couldn't believe that he was really feeling Nick's warm body in his arms, Nick's soft lips against his own. He'd imagined this so many times, but he'd never been able to imagine the feeling it gave him, the feeling of perfect rightness, like this was how things were supposed to be, and, he hoped, how things would be forever.