Faith?

If you have it, please send it, because i can't seem to find mine.
Someone, give me strength, because mine is retreating with the tides. How could I be so stupid? I left the ocean and thought I could make it. And I did, for a while; I put on my brave face and hopped on a plane for the first time and flew across the country to be with my love. And I found us a house and I made it our home.
And now... it's just a house. It's four walls staring back at me, so I filled them with photos of us and pictures he's drawn me. Our bed I can't sleep in, because I know he's there with me and I can't seem to crawl back out of it.

And now, I'm sitting here alone, with all the things that made this house our home, our dream of the good life, and I think, you know...none of it means anything without all of us together. I could live in a cardboard box with him and be content.
Sadly enough, I may lose this house and have to go looking for that box.

I have to go on Welfare AND get a job just to make ends meet...this is way far off our original plan...what the hell?!?! Do we deserve shit with our potatoes?
I'm sorry for being weak and losing faith and bitching and moaning about all of this. But I'm drained. I just don't know what else I can do. It's out of my hands...and I don't like how insecure I feel about that. If it was a more stable outlook that's been presented to me, then I might not feel so bad.

But...instability rocks my world on a regular basis.
I love Ralph. He is worth waiting for, he is worth the battle we face. I will find the energy to fight that battle...but I was really hoping there wouldn't be too much of one..and now..it seems bigger and badder than it did before. And I feel weak. Like I'm not at the top of my game.

And I have no idea what to do next.