What do you see

What do you see
When you look at me
Is it that i care
Is it something so rare
A smile spreads across my face
you think I am in a happy place
What you do not see
is the real me
I have felt pain
I have lived in vain
But when i try to tell
people start to yell
You say that I lie
as i say this lullaby
Why can't you see
when you look at me
i hide from my past
I hide so very fast
The things that happened long ago
are things you wouldn't want to know
I try so hard to be glad
I try not to feel sad
No matter what people say or do
I hide my true self from you
For I am now caught
in only one thought
For the things in my past
will forever last
It may seem to shock
but these I learned to block
The thoughts in my head
have now become dead
As my life goes on
i thought my memories were gone
As I got older
i lost my holder
My memories are back
not a thought do I lack
The thoughts that i blocked
the ones I thought were locked
are returning to me
even though you don't see
I am hurting inside
I am happy outside
I hide the sorrow from you
For there is nothing you can do
I don't want to hurt you
with the things that I do
For it is I who states it first
There are so many things that hurt
I dream of a happy place
as tears run down my face
I wonder why you cannot see
what there truly is of me
I don't want to be thought of as a liar
for I am not a crier
I no longer weep true tears
for I no longer have fears
This all because of you
in all the things you do
Be this as it may
there is only one thing to say
I want you to see
that you can believe me
i am no longer shy
I do not lie
What I say to you
is so very true
I have my story to tell
it makes me want to yell
i want people to hear me
so I can be filled with glee
So I no longer need to hide
deep on the inside
I want to let my feelings out
though I don't know what about
I want to know
from each of you
What do you see
when you look at me