The Ashton Buddha (Popcorn)

                                    The FICTIONAL Story of the Ashton Buddha (or Popcorn)





NOT BASED ON A TRUE STORY.

INSPIRED BY A TRUE STORY.



Characters:

Jou-Ding Hao

The Ashton Buddha

Interviewer



Character Descriptions:

The Ashton Buddha: During Interview: Scarred, Old, Missing Left Arm and Right Leg, wearing traditional red and yellow robes.

                              Pre-Enlightenment and During the Teaching of Jou:  Pre-Adolescent, Blue Jeans and Black T-Shirt

Jou:  Raggy bum clothes, Asian, very old, balding.



Interviewer: During Tour de Japan: Yellow Jersey and enlongated biking helmet.

                During Interview:  Grey-ish Suit Long Hair.



First Scene

Setting: A plain room with two chairs facing each other.



Scene starts with Ashton Buddha sitting in one of the chairs with his eyes closed.  Theres a knock on the door.



Ashton:  Come in.



The Interviewer enters the room and occupies the chair opposite the Ashton Buddha.



Interviewer: Hello, Ashton.



Ashton opens his eyes.

Ashton: Yes, hello.



Ashton: I apologize for my dreadful appearance, for you see, my travels have left me horribly disfigured.



Interviewer: Really?  I didn't notice.



Ashton:  Do play coy with me you fool.



Interviewer: Sorry. So, you claim to be the living Buddha of our era, correct?



Ashton: Correct.



Interviewer: Since when?



Ashton: Since the summer of 2004.



Interviewer: And how exactly did you become the Buddha? Please, tell me, what is your story?



Ashton: After school got out in May of 2004, me and my family went to New York.



The lights go dim and the two on stage take their chairs to the side.





Scene 2: New York



Ashton wanders the stage aimlessly around stage with an anxious look on his face.



From back stage: Ashton?  Ashton, where are you.



Ashton: (whispered) Oh no, my family is coming. (He looks around suspiciously.)  Ah, a boat, I'll hide there.



He scurries off the stage quickly. And the lights go dim.



Scene 3: Interview pt. 2



The interviewer and Ashton bring their chairs back out and place them in their previous positions. They then take there seats.



Interviewer: Why did were you hiding from your family?



Ashton:  At the time, I thought they were ridiculously terrible people.  I figured that they were the reason behind my depression.



Interviewer: I see.  Back to the story: What happened after you entered the boat?



Ashton:  The boat was a yacht belonging to some middle-eastern drug smugglers.  The boat was filled with LSD, but that is not important.  What is important is that the ship's final destination was the glorious land of India.  When we arrived the smugglers found me on the ship. I ran.



Lights Dim and the two once again remove the chairs from the stage.

Lights come back on and Ashton scurries across the stage.



Scene 4:Fleeing/Desert



From backstage: (as Ashton scurries)  Get back here you rat!.



Ashton: (As he scurries) crap crap crap!



Ashton runs off stage



Ashton: (from backstage in disfigured accent) I eventually escaped them and found my self wandering a desert for several days.



A panting Ashton tiredly and slowly walks across the stage.  After several steps it appears as the he was struck by a bolt of lightening and he becomes energetic and excited.



Ashton:An oasis. Thank the lord, an oasis.



He runs to a crop of trees and falls to his knees.



Lights go dim



Scene 5: Interview Part 3



The actors bring the chairs back to their positions and sit. Lights come on.



Ashton: I sat at that oasis, for no more than 3 minutes.  I was meditating, as I had seen Buddhists do on the T.V. during my childhood.



Lights go dim.



Scene 5: Enlightenment



Lights come back up.



Ashton is sitting at the oasis, after a few seconds his eyes pop open.



Ashton: I understand now, I understand everything. Now I can go, travel the world.



Ashton stands up and walks off stage.  He comes back onstage and walks about halfway across and stops.



Ashton: Water, what am I supposed to do now.  I have reached the ocean and now I can't do anything but..... swim.



Ashton lays on his stomach and makes paddling motions for several moments than stands.



Ashton: LAND! ! !  Finally I have reached land, but what land.  What place could this be? Where am I?



Ashton walks up to a sitting man.



Ashton: Sir, what land is this.



Jou-Ding Hao: This is Japan.



Ashton:Japan? I have arrived in Japan?



Lights go dim



Scene: Interview



Interviewer: You claim to have swam hundreds and hundreds of miles.



Ashton: From what I remember yes.  And if there were stops along the way, which there probably were, there were meaningless and unimportant.  Hence my disremembrance of them.



Interviewer:  I see what next?



Ashton:  We talked to eachother, me and the man in Japan.  I came to know his name was Jou-Ding Hao ((jew ding how))



lights go dim



Scene: Teaching Jou-Ding Hao



lights come up again



Jou-Ding Hao: You know my name, now I feel the need to know yours.



Ashton:  You may call me Ashton. You are an interesting man Jou-Ding Hao, you live in Japan, you look Chinese you speak English.  Tell me about yourself.



Jou-Ding Hao: (looks around suspiciously then leans towards Ashton)  I am an illegal immigrant, from China, I was once a spy in America, after the Americans that I spied on came to China one day and I fled to this village.



Ashton: Interesting.  I would like to teach you about Buddhism, do you mind.



Jou-Ding Hao: Learning religion from a 9 year old? Ridiculous!  Lets give it a try then.



Ashton: If you don't mind let's go somewhere more private. Away from the crowds. (The two look around at the imaginary crowds.)



The two stand and leave the stage for a few moments.

Lights go down and Christian brings out the trees used from the Oasis......

Light turn on and the two walk back on stage.

They walk to the trees and sit down.



Ashton: What you need to understand is that the key to enlightenment is the emotion is pointless, love happiness and all of the warm goodness that you feel when pursuing hatred.  There is no need to dwell on these things.  As there is no need to dwell on worldly things.  Moderation in all things, excluding moderation.



Jou-Ding Hao:  I understand now.  It all makes sense.  Thank you.  I may now die in peace.



Ashton: Die?  Why do you dwell on the end.



Jou-Ding Hao: I do not dwell, for I understand that in Buddhism, this is not truly the end.  For I shall be reborn.



Ashton: It is true then.  You do understand... You have almost reached the end of you teaching.



Jou-Ding Hao: Almost? I feel enlightened already.



Ashton: You are not.  Trust me, JEW you are not.



Lights go dim



Scene: Jou-Ding Haos Death



Jou-Ding Hao and Ashton walk back on stage.



Ashton: WATCH OUT JEW IT"S A BUS!!!!!!!



Jou-Ding Hao: What?



Jou-Ding Hao turns around the falls to the ground.



Ashton: No if only it was me in the middle of the road!!!



Ashton drops to his knees after being side swiped by a biker (who looks suspiciously like the Interviewer): Why?!?!?!?



Light's go dim.



Scene: Interview



Ashton: That biker left me with these scars... The doctors, they had to amputate my left arm and right leg.  Also they had to stich several face scars.



Interviewer: OMG!! That was me!! (whispered) Ha ha that rhymed. Ashton, back in 2004 I was a professional biker in the Tour De Japan, I remember accidentally sideswiping a guy after bunnyhopping some old guys body.  I'm sorry for what I have done to you.



Ashton: Sorry?  You are sorry?!? Will sorry take back what thou hath done?



Interviewer:  It will not, still I apologize.



Ashton: You have disgraced my friend Jews body by using it as an obstacle.  And you have disgraced my body by vandalizing it.  I accept your apology, now leave.



The interviewer stands up and exits the room.  Lights go dim.



Scene: Death of an interviewer.



The lights come up and the interviewer walks across the stage.  About halfway across the interviewer stops. Looks towards the audience with a surprised expression on his face and screams then falls to the ground.



Ashton walks out next to the interviewers body. And looks down.

Ashton: Karma (three second pause) no man can escape the consequences of his actions.