Owner of a Lonely Heart

4:54 pm

I sat, frozen in disappoinment. My cell phone in my hand, the only feelings I had at this point was to throw it through the window of my 16 story office building.

Unbelievable.

The day started out as fantastic as any Friday morning could start. My roommate, Josie, scooted out to work earlier than usual, allowing our insanely tiny cubicle of a bathroom to finally become my territory. And with nothing short of thankfulness. Tonight was the night. Mark and I had plans...plans I have been fantasizing about on a daily, no, wait, hourly basis since the moment he opened his lucious, firm lips and said "Have dinner with me." A sly smile and a wink of his dark brown eye sent waves of tingles througout my entire body. That was 3 months ago. After weeks and weeks of his emergency board meetings, last minute flights to "seal the deal" and catching the flu about 4 times so far, Ive had serious doubts as to why i even keep talking to this guy. But his eyes, so dark and mysterious...his voice, so strong and manly...and his kiss, nothing in this world could compare to how powerful that man can use his mouth. With thoughts of Mark and his hands touching my face, his lips locking mine, and knowing, finally, that he and i would be going on an actual "date" tonight had me singing. The beauty regimen had to be stepped up a bit. I contemplate calling in sick, but come on, really? I bouncified the curls, tweezed the brows, and made sure I dabbed on a little of that perfume I know makes men's knees instantly buckle. After triple checking myself in the mirror before walking out into the cold, frosty streets of upper Manhattan, I had a smile on my face. Nothing could shatter my mood.

That is until I walked thru the doors of Corporate Information Systems, Inc. Within 30 minutes my phone rang off the hook, customers who never received product, accounts receivable at this company and that looking for their remittance, my printer jammed, the fax line was completely down and would be for the rest of the day and my boss, Mr. Hell-on-Wheels himself, decided to grace us with his presence. More accurately, he decided to call me into his office and reem me on the dos and don'ts of leaving proper paper trails, phone etiquette, oh and the order I apparently screwed completely up. 5pm couldn't come any faster.

But at 6 minutes till Im sitting here, staring blankly at my Razr, rereading the words "Have to cancel tonight sexi. Work as usual. I'll call u". I'll call you. I'll call you. I tossed my cell onto the desk and slumped back into my chair. With a heavy sigh I fought back the urge to let the tears flow. It wouldn't be for Mark, he obviously doesn't deserve such emotion to be shed for his sake. it's everything. My job, my boss, my love life, this city, this state, the people...I closed my eyes and tilted my head back. Just breathe, Jayna. Breathe, get it out, and call Josie.

8:34pm

Serendipity Lounge

"Jayna...how many times has he done this now?"
"I don't have any fingers left. Aahhh...what are we doing, Josie? Seriously? Who am I kidding? New York? Sometimes I wonder if I should have just stayed in Ohio." With bitterness I sipped my frozen margarita. Josie stared at me, not quite sure what to say and fiddled with the straw in her amaretto sour. "Jayna, listen, it's only been 6 months, that's hardly enough time to give up already. We've gotten this far, no use throwing in the towel just yet, u know? And Mark?? He's a tool. You knew it. I knew it. All of New York knows it. Come on..." and with a nudge she brings a smile to my face. She's right. She's always right. And with one full gulp of my margarita I was over it. And now all i craved was my warm cozy bed and Leno.

The streets of Manhattan were crowed, even a little after 9pm. I guess they would be on a Friday night. Im sure many "dates" were taking place...no, no stop it. My brain hates me. Josie, in her chipper and spritely way tried every method possible to perform small talk, to keep my mind busy, and for the most part she succeeded admirably. But as the blocks seemed to elongate while we walked and the temperature dipped into degrees colder than any i've felt in Ohio, my mood began to decsend once again. Poor Josie, to live with such a moody female. Finally, just as my temper almost caused me to hail an unneccesary cab, we arrived at our brownstone. I stopped. 3 steps up Josie turned around. "Are you coming?" I lifted my chin up towards the moon. Tonight the moon was full, shining bright yellowish-white and exposing all it's craters. The stars were glistening and there were millions of them. I couldn't go inside just yet. "I think i'll sit out here a minute." I say and sit down on the steps. In the background I could hear the normal city sounds, a car alarm going off, the beat of some thug's system blaring from somewhere, horns from cars distances away and the mindless chatter of the few people that happend to walk by my apt. I hug my knees and rest my chin on my folded hands. What am I doing? I miss home. I miss my family. I miss the streets I know and the job I had. New York is so different...exciting, scary, awful, wonderful. Why does this apartment have 40 steps? Does it EVER get warm here? I hate Mark. I hate letting Mark get to me. I hate not being able to walk inside my apartment and cuddle with someone...is that it? Is that what it is? Lonliness at it's finest? Does New York do nothing but harbor men just like him? What am I thinking...ugh, get ahold of ur self Jayna. You know what? No. You're fine, new york is fine, Manhattan is fine, I smell Drkarr...weird, that scent reminds me of Ohio, it's freezing like crazy out here. Where is Drkarr coming from...i remember this one time...

"24C right?"

My heart drops into my stomach and out of impulse I gasp and lean back, frightful for my life. "Good Lord man, u scared the hell out of me!" "Haha, im sorry..." He places his hand on my shoulder and sits down next to me. The scent of Drkarr floods my senses. He's...wow. Instantly, my body's responsive. He has to be Italian; dark hair, dark eyes, strong features, sharply dressed...he's either classy or mob-related. Again he asks "24C, right?" "How'd u know? I say. "Are you stalking me?" I smile at him, and wish for once that my mouth wouldn't say whatever it felt like saying. "Would it be ok with you if i did? Bc u know, i've been contemplating it.. Im Anthony." "Jayna, nice to meet you sir."

"Ahhh....Jayna. Miss Jayna, have dinner with me..."