I lay awake

I lay awake in my bed, I try and hold my emotions back but the tears quickly fill my eyes and slowly run down my quivering face.
Luck has never been a friend of mine.
I prayed with all my heart to lose weight I lost it and instead of calling me fat, it was big nose.
I prayed for a boyfriend I got boyfriends but they all used me and cheated on me.
I prayed for love and long relationship, it’s been six years now and it’s been full of not just joy... I didn't know love was going to hurt. Half the time its all I ever dreamed off and the other half its " shut up, your such a bitch, Your horrible to me, No other guy would ever put up with you, and last but not least that nasty “c” word.
I pray that I’m no longer always sick but for the past 3 years I’ve been hospitalized so much my family and boyfriend are acting pissed.
I found something I love to do, and started going to school for it and the woman that were my classmates were jealous/cruel and alienated me and made me feel like a fool.
As I lay awake I pray to fall asleep so for 5 to 8 hours I can be happy but its  only a dream and when I wake up I'll hold my head high until im back in my bed getting ready to dream.