Shakin Em Loose

I know you’re not “Dear Abby”, but I’ve come to ask advice;
We’ve got three kids, we love them, but they come at quite a price.

When they were small, helpless and cute how could we have known
The trouble they would cause us when they all had grown?

We’ve paid for school, their clothes and books, they’re on our cell phone plan,
They drive our cars, they eat our food, they never clean the can.

Our eldest, in particular,  a major cause of stress.
She’s gorgeous and articulate, should be a huge success.

But she’s jobless and has moved back home, she lacks all motivation,
For all but staying out at night or  watch her favorite stations.

First Oprah, then Degeneres, she’ll relax to paint her toes,
Another cup of coffee, while outside her father mows.

She can’t find time to walk the dogs, she has to make the gym,
Then take a shower, she’s going out, we can’t seem to win.

Her father works with aching back, he paints the house alone.
Her nails are all she’s painting while talking on the phone.

When I come home at 6 P.M., it doesn’t seem she’s moved,
But she’s tanner and her car is cleaned, her mood a bit improved.

She can’t afford to help out when it comes to paying rent,
With tanning, shoe sales and the gym, her money’s all been spent.

How’d we become the victim of this lovely child we raised?
We never saw it coming, even now we’re still amazed.

When she was young she used to think that she was switched at birth,
Her parents really royalty, or rich, a billion’s worth.

We tried instilling values, but it all becomes a blur,
Could it be that she IS royalty, and we really work for her?