Misadventures of Naomi

A typical day for the average person usually starts as such:

The alarm clock goes off, blaring music from your favorite station or just the annoying bleating of a retarded monkey (Hey that's what it sounds like to me). You roll over, hit the snooze, and crash for another nine minutes. Rinse and repeat. About 20 minutes to a half hour later, you jump out of bed, into the shower, throw some clothes on and scarf down some breakfast while running out the door.

A typical day for the average stay at home mom (A.K.A. Me):

Scenario 1

The alarm clock goes off, screaming at the top of her lungs, right next to your ear, “Mommy, Mommy, I hungry, feed me. Give me juice. I want cereal; pick me up. Where's daddy?”

Scenario 2

"Mommy, Mommy. Waaakkkkkeee UUUUUPPPPPP! Mommy, Mommy, wakkkkke UPPP!!!" a Minnie Mouse voice sings loudly. The annoying sounds are coming from your right, next to you on the bed. You ignore the singsong voice for a few minutes, till it penetrates your nice dreams. "What " you moan. Mooommmy, wake up", says the voice. Grumbling, you finally sit up to face the demon. "Mommy, I don't feel so good", she groans. Two second later, in the exact same spot your head was, she pukes all over the bed, missing you by inches. Thank God for fast reflexes.


Scenario 3

You get up a little bit earlier than usual, checking on the baby, making sure she's still asleep. Yes, still sleeping. You sneak back into the bedroom, for a little morning wakeup fun, closing the door, while stripping off your rope. You get into bed and begin your "Fun" session with the hubby. You start to get into it, enjoying the mounting pleasure, almost there, when you here little feet. You ignore the sound, remembering that you closed the door. Suddenly your hubby pulls away, and dives under the covers, as the door slams open. You groan, upset he didn't finish. A little voice says, " Mommy, you okay? Daddy was hurting you? I heard you screaming."


If you are like me, your mornings (and nights too) are somewhat similar. My life is a sitcom waiting to be scripted. Something out of the ordinary is always happening. Sometimes it's funny when it happens, or it's funny when you tell someone about it later. I usually wake up to one of those scenarios. Once upon a time I was the average working person getting up for work. I actually miss the alarm clock. I don't even use one now. Don't need it.


My days:

Monday, Nov 3rd

I awoke to my daughter Naomi's screaming.

"What?", I groan. I crack open my eyes to see what the problems was. She looked me square in the eye and pouted.

"I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to Daddy", she says with attitude, and a small sigh.

"Excuse me? How dare you talk to me that way?", I start to lecture her, only to be cut off.

"Well, I'm hungry and you need to get up and give me food", she whines. I start to get up,and she pushes me back down.Turning towards her father, she says "No, I want Daddy to give me cereal. Chocolate cereal, with milk."

I shrug my shoulders, too tired to actually care, and fall back to sleep.

An hour later, I get up to prepare for the gym. Naomi is watching TV, while her father is on the computer. I walk over and kiss his cheek, then repeat with Naomi. I look at the time, it's 7:50am. Too early. I tell my daughter to get her shoes, and her coat (she was already dressed for the day), so we could get to the gym at a decent hour. She immediately grabs one pink shoe and brings it to me.
"You have to put it on. I can't do it." she sighs while handing me the shoe. I pick her up, sit her down on the couch and grab the other shoe off the floor. I put her shoes on and then grab her coat.
"I don't wanna put my coat on. I want gum Mommy. You have gum? Can I have it now?, she asks.

"Put your coat on now Naomi, and No gum" I say firmly.
"But...", she whines.
"No, No, No, No." I say.
"Fine." she states with attitude, and puts on her coat.

(That was this morning. Fun. Right? Ha!)


So today is November 20th.

A lot has happened since Nov. 3rd. I voted. Obama won. And I felt Great. That is till Naomi gave me the FLU. Oh god I hate being sick. Three weeks of FLU, and I still had to take care of the house hold, Naomi and work at night. She drove me completely insane.

Last week weds, we (husband, naomi and i) went to see Madagascar 2. Boy was that fun.(yes it's sarcasm). Naomi wanted popcorn. She kept jumping up and down yelling "Popcorn, Popcorn, Popcorn", till my eye started twitching. Her father just laughed, picked her up and ordered popcorn. I asked for chocolate covered raisins.

We go into the theater, find our seats and sit down. Naomi immediately got folded up in the big chair. I choked on popcorn from laughing so hard, and fell out of mine. Hubby helped her out and sat her in his lap. She chowed on popcorn and chocolate covered raisins for most of the movie.

Halfway through the movie, she pukes. And I mean PUKES. All over the stairs, as I rush her to the bathroom. And even in the bathroom hallway. But thankfully she misses me. I had to strip her naked and wash her clothes out in the bathroom sink. God was that embarrassing. Yet I did it. And took her naked back into the theater, fetched her father with the coats and we were outta there.

Then on the way home, she pukes in the car. But because we always told her not to make a mess in Daddy's new car, she puked in her coat instead. So that was fun cleaning, along with the car seat. FUN!

(I'll tell you how Thanksgiving goes. Family holidays are always amusing. Last year my mom's neighbor almost burned down his house trying to fry a turkey. This year Dad wants to try it. Need less to say Mom and I will be across town at a friend's house eating Thanksgiving dinner. Maybe we'll bring the cat too.)


(More tomorrow. I'll go into detail about how my days are. My kid likes to tell people EXACTLY what's on her mind. Which is not always a good thing. Let's just say I've gotten very good at saying good-bye, picking up my kid and running away as fast as I can. Till the morrow.)



TinkerBell




April 9th 2010 9pm

It's been almost 2 yrs since I last wrote. A lot has happen since. Naomi is now 5 yrs old. Her father and I have been separated for a year and a half now. We're in the middle of a divorce. lol. Yeah.....

Today after work Naomi wanted to hang out with my boyfriend, Dave. He's 20 yrs old and cute as can be. She loves him, and drives both of us insane. We got some pizza, and chilled out, playing some video games with friends. Dave let her go on the computer and showed her how to play a game. She kept asking "hey.... u have a horse?" why u don;t have a horse?" "KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL THE EVIL HORSES!" over and over again.......

10pm
Naomi got bored, so Dave put a Viking Helmet on her, gave her a wooden Ax, and put a Super Girl cape on her. BAD IDEA! He then proceeded to show her how Vikings would swing the Ax, and hit ppl with it. Again BAD IDEA! Needless to say..... she hit evrybody upside the head, knocking them out. LMAO!


11pm
She chased Dave around, and just missed hitting him in the balls. Then she climbed on his back and demanded to go piggy back. (Gotta love a demanding kid!) She drove me insane, screaming AHHHH!!!!! as she chopped a chicken, asking if we wanted some... cause chicken is so yummy. (it was a stuff animal, lol)

12pm
Naomi flashed a highbeamed flashlight into all our eyes. OMG! I can't see. I'm Blind.

1am
"Naomi.... lay down"
"Naomi....... shhhhhhh! be quiet"
"OMG! Where's the Duct Tape"
"GO TO SLEEP"
yeah..... I was kinda annoyed.

2am
"Where's Naomi?" I ask Dave.
"Sleep... THANK GOD!" he answered.

2:25am
I decide to write again..... man my life can be interesting. I think i will update evry wk now. Naomi is hilarious. I love my kid. She once lost her appetite @ a beach.... becuz of all the FAT ppl. LMAO.


Till next wk.....

TinkerBell


April 17th 2010

ok... so it's been a week and boy do i have stories to tell. lmao. oh wow. u r gonna love this:

on saturday... i was watching Kate and Leopald w/ my Mom, (She is such a romantic!). we were sitting on the couch, Naomi was playing in the other room. Everything was going well, till Mom started sniffling
towards the end ... when Kate went into the past to be w/ her true love.
"Yuck!", i said.
"soooooooo Girly!"

at that exact moment Kate and Leopald were kissing.
Naomi just appeared next to me saying
"but mommy when we kiss... it's girly"

I laughed and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

she giggled and said in a dead serious voice,
"soooo see .... u like Girlies!" and skipped merrily back into the playroom.

My mom and I laughed so hard we both fell off the couch! oh my god!


On Tuesday....

there's this little pink chair in the living room, it's small enough for Naomi to sit in. oh my god! she drove me bonkers! I was in the kitchen washing dishes, making dinner, the usual.
Naomi decided to entertain herself.... by running around and around the chair saying,

"1234... 1234... run run... exercise ... run.. exercise... 1234... run ... run... exercise".

over and over again for bout 10 mins.... and at the end...

"wooooo! I'm tired. mommy i exercise! going to sleep now". she jumped up on to the couch, pulling her blanket over her head and passed out! i couldn't believe what just happened. i need to get a camera. lol.


On Wednesday....

my mom told me a story over the phone...

apparently Naomi is a very bad driver. she has a jeep at her grandparents house. but she likes to play next door at her friend Josh's house. He has a 2 seater Jeep! and his dad played w/ the voltage of the battery... so now the damn thing goes way too fast. lol. anyway, needless to say... Naomi hit my Mom's car, took out some kids and ran over the baby. Yes! she ran over the BABY! now Brianna is small enough that it didnt even her. Josh's dad ran over and lifted the back of the Jeep up. Brianna looked up at him blinking laid out on the ground. everybody else was upset.... except her... she couldn't understand what was going on, i mean she is only a yr old. lmao!


till later

TinkerBell