You Ain't Nothing But a White Girl

You Aint Nothing But a White Girl

I get that a lot. That particular phrase usually comes as an insult from several patrons that come to the pool I work at. I work as the head lifeguard of an all white staff in a well-known gang neighborhood called Payne City in Macon, Georgia. Well…it’s not a well known gang neighborhood per say because the city doesn’t think it has a gang problem, they just chalk it all up to “neighborhood pride” (Yeah whatever).

Given my situation I hope the initial conflict is fairly obvious. I’m the black girl in charge of white teenagers that work in a mostly black, low socio-economic area. Fun for me. The best part is when I get to kick out patrons that are being unruly, disrespectful to me or my co-workers or doing something illegal. It’s actually zero fun at all and usually I’m met with my headlining phrase as I’m escorting a young man or woman off the pool deck.

I wonder what they think they are implying when they say that to me. I gather that it’s supposed to make me feel terrible because they are basically telling me that I’m no longer accepted as one of them. It doesn’t because like I said, I get that a lot. But one thing I don’t get is the reason why they call me white or why they even consider that insulting to only me.

Some days I have the kids mock the way I pronounce things, because it’s funny that I pronounce them clearly. Other days they make fun of the music I listen to when I’m listening to my Bjork and such in the guard room. Most of the time I get called out because of my appearance; the jeans that I wear, the shirts I pick out, the hats I put on. All of these things and more work together towards making a whiter me they say.

But what does all of this mean for me, and on a larger note, other black people? Similar to me or not. If I’m considered white to these kids because I use correct grammar, I play water polo, I wear clothes that fit, I listen to Something Corporate, then what is black? If the fact that I’m going to college and have a job and making something of myself is what makes me white then what does it mean to be a black person to them?

To me it sounds like in order to be considered black I have to fit myself into the stereotypes that they so readily jump into. I need to be a rap-listening, country-slanging, Sean Jean-wearing, basketball playing woman in order to be accepted.

It’s sad because that’s exactly how they see it. So all the while I’m struggling to be considered equal in a still white-dominated society that often sees me as just another black girl; I’m struggling for acceptance among my own people who see me as nothing but a white girl. Can I ever win?