Into The Deep

Today I found a portal
One that linked to the past
Containing the words written years ago
Back to a time of long forgotten, forsaken
I dove boldly into this portal
Hoping to find shreds of what was
Hoping to find pieces of my old self
Laughing and smiling
Notes that had been shared with my friends
But what I found was so different
I found the pain of time pass
I found information I have forgotten
I found myself and not so changed
The nature of myself was the same
I had found a lost child
Crying for a phantom in the dark
If only I could tell that girl
That none of it really mattered today
That none of those past memories
Really survived the test of time
How her hope of that summer had been in vein...
How we had lost so much time
Wasted on tears and regret
I had managed to rebuild myself
And came to the point
Where that old trail had forgotten
Where bitter thoughts can now take reign
As much as blank memories can play
As well as how my attitude changed
I found an old skill I had just reclaimed
And was amazed at these times that have passed.
How I had actually regressed
Life seems to be a cycle
Of your current self yearning for the old
What one must not forget is that the old is nature
That a person has not changed so much
That recognition between the two could easily be found
At least this is what I have learned in my young years
So through the portal I had ventured
Finding little of what I sought
But stumbling upon an open heart
That has torn open again for one night
To bleed and yearn from old pain
The old slave has been forgotten
The new is the present instead of the past
For the past can only be seen with blank eyes
To my regret
To my fault
I never wrote down those memories.
Now they seem so distant
So unfocused that they do not respond to my call
The new salve must come from this forgetting being
To know that so much time has passed
To remember how much my heart has healed
Yet how vunerable it still is to these old things
I had once adorned