Lesson 4: Show, Don't Tell

This lesson was contributed by Kaya

When you are describing,
A shape, or sound, or tint;
Don't state the matter plainly,
But put it in a hint;
And learn to look at all things,
With a sort of mental squint.
~Charles Lutwidge Dodgson (Lewis Carroll)

Showing vs Telling.

Chances are that all of you have received a review that suggests you 'Show not Tell.' Don't worry, you aren't alone. One of the most common writing mistakes is to tell the reader the events of a story or how a character is feeling. Fiction should create the illusion of being there in the story, seeing events happen without the writer telling you.

In fiction, telling is when you give information in a straight summarized fashion:

Shelly was five years old and scared of dogs.

Okay, not a bad sentence, but pretty plain and it doesn't pull the reader in.

Showing is when you illustrate the story through scene, action, and dialogue:

Shelly reached up and grabbed her mother's hand. She trembled as the dog galloped in her direction. "Mommy?" she whimpered.

I know. I used more words, but as you can see, you get more bang for your buck when showing. Instead of telling the reader that Shelly is five, you show them by having her reach up: This conveys the idea of a young child. Instead of telling the reader that Shelly is scared of dogs, you show the reader by having her whimper and tremble: This pulls the reader in and creates sympathy. When she says "Mommy?" her unease is conveyed in one simple word. Let's try another one, shall we?

Kaya ran from the clown.

ZZZZZZZZZZ...What? Oh, sorry. I must have fallen asleep. Do I have to say it? Boring! This a great example of a telling sentence. Stay away from this type of sentences; they will stop your story dead in its tracks. With some rewording you could say this:

Her brain sent adrenaline shooting through her veins, giving her speed. She glanced over her shoulder. The clown was now just a speck.

Okay, let's break it down. Instead of telling the reader that she ran, you show them by using the word speed. The reader can imagine what is going on. In this instance the reader has the sense of haste and fear. They are pulled in by the fast paced imagery.

"But Kaya, why can't I just tell the reader what is going on? Showing takes too much time!" Get over it. Readers don't want to be spoon fed information. The surest way to loose your audience is to treat them like they're idiots. When you use telling sentences you are talking down to your readers. That is a big No - No! I can guarantee that if you have any hope of ever being published you will have to break the 'telling' habit.

Now, will showing instead of telling come easy? Of course not! It takes work. But it's something that every good writer has to master. Have you ever watched Alfred Hitchcock's movie Rear Window? During the opening scene you are given a wide, slow sweep of the main characters apartment. Everything that you see is giving you information about his personality. That is showing!

*Note from Arakun the twisted raccoon Make sure you are showing what you intend to show. I once read a story where a young lawyer just out of law school wore Armani suits and drove a Mercedes. The author intended to show that he was from a rich family, but my first thought was that he wasn't a realistic character and the second was that he was blackmailing someone!

Exercises!

Pull up a story in your port. Find any 'telling' sentences and try some rewording. Practice, practice, practice!

Check out these sentences. How would you rewrite them to create 'Showing vs Telling?'

Amanda was bored.

The dye turned her hair green.

The car horn honked.

He changed his shoes.

The popcorn smelled good.

Take some time and rework/reword each sentence. Practice using 'showing.'

Remember: Show don't Tell!