Laced Chocolate

[seats at dressing table and applies face powder] Oh hello, didn’t see you there. [applies lipstick] I’m sorry I can’t be better company. It’s just that…[leaps up] my darling is going to propose today!! [pause] Well of course he didn’t TELL me. But we’ve been together for so long. Since freshman year at college actually. I’m sure he meant to propose earlier but something always came up. First our graduation, then his job, oh, and then his promotion! [sighs] Oh Well! Nevermind that! He told me he wanted to “talk”.

[giggles, runs back to dressing table and applies blusher] We moved in together after graduation. Oh, my darling is SO smart! He got a job right away. Me? Oh, well…I didn’t do so well. But my darling says he’ll take care of me! He’s rather protective. He even got me a gun to protect myself with! I keep the gun, safely…[looks around] in my panty drawer! [giggles]

[beat] Ooo, did you hear that? I think he’s back. Oh honey you’re home! Would you like a drink? Would you like dinner? Are you tired dear? You DO look tired. Perhaps you’d like me to run your bath? Yes, I’ll go run your bath. [turns to leave, “Darling” grabs her hand. She turns around] Yes? You…want…to talk? [smiles] Ooo, what about? [giggles] Yes, it has been a long time…[beat] OF COURSE I’ve been happy! [beat] Yea all the good times we’ve had…[beat] And today…? [beat] You want to…?[beat] Oh My Gosh I cannot believe this I’ve been waiting for SO long! I…HUH? You…you want to, WHAT?! You want to BREAK UP?!

But…but, i…Why?! Is…Is it the way I dress? The way I act? Oh but please darling I’ll change. I’ll do anything, please don’t leave me. Just please don’t leave me. [beat] But if it’s not me…then what is it? No! WHO is it? Is there someone else!? Tell me! After all these years, do you have someone else!! Tell me, tell me..you… [shakes “darling”, then gets pushed to the floor. Sobs for a little while. Suddenly dries tears, adjusts hair and extracts gun from drawer. Walks towards “darling”] Darling? Darling. [pause] Hey You!! [points gun and shoots.] Thanks for adding the silencer. [wipes gun with front of shirt. Walks around “darling’s” body] Oh dear. I think I need a new rug.

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