God I have a Question

The Death of your Children will Kill you..........
When my children ,Kandie Davis and Jason Davis died the women who was thair mother died that day ,with them.
It happened in 1991 but really it started in 1989 when I became a Christian. Funny how you remember important things. I had just gotten out of the military in 1988 and sense I didn't have custody of my children ,I wanted to know them more . So ,I not only visited daily ,but started going to church with them . I was not looking for God but he was waiting for me. I had grown up going to Catholic Church once a year ,and then they spoke in a language I didn't understand. So going to this mostly black church with a Pastor that was ex -black panther was different. But I listened to this Pastor and began thinking maybe God is real. After a few weeks I said yes to Jesus! Oh how happy my children were, Kandie was 14, and Jason 15 . It was amazing , because I was not a nice person, when I said yes to God.
I was the normal Liberated women of the 70s I thought it was OK to sleep with whom ever I wanted , and that abortion was OK, just live and let live. Its funny how God, doesn't make you change , but you change, because you love God. When I accepted Jesus, I knew I was a sinner , why God would want me, was beyond me, and still is. I asked Jesus to forgive me and to come into my heart ,And he did! Amazing the hole that was in my heart ,that I had tried to fill with men, sex, drinking, working was filled! It was so humbling to me, that God the God of the universe ,loves me so much that even thought he knew what I was, from the inside out, he still wanted me! The kid no one wanted.
The instant feeling of acceptance and love is beyond worldly understanding. Enough for day I'm hurting too much.