Beyond Hope and Despair

Beyond Hope and Despair

I’ll still love you, she said, shakily
Life stretches into our future to the end
And brings all my remaining emotion with it

Aye, I reply but bound forever,
With no closeness, no communication
No physical connection, save pain or loneliness
I receive only what is measured, doled out by you
Like water rationed in the desert
Never enough……ever

And is this love, then, or pity and desperation
Holding to what never was, is not and never will be
Where, Oh where is the passion,
The touch that renews
Or at least recycles us
Today or tomorrow
Or forever
Or never

Words scatter like autumn leaves before the storm
Blown about by the ill winds of us both
To be broken at last then, discarded like refuse
Along with my last human emotion,
Hope

On the far side of  hope, it is said
Lies despair, that most insidious serpent of all
Slayer of the only thing left
Bringing the darkness swiftly to a close
Waiting to snuff  the last flicker of humanity in me
With utter finality

I am stripped then to the naked layer of my essence
What else is there, I am devoid of all
I feel no pain, no physical sickness
Save what I inflict on myself
In order that I feel anything, something
Or nothing


And it is done then, sheer misery rules
No hope, not even despair
I am alone……..
Darkness holds sway forever
Binding me firmly in place


My screams echo even inside my bones
But there is no sound, save that in my twisted synapses,
Burning the ashen cinders of my soul with icy black flame

Nothing
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing

Forever