Why Live?

                                            Why Live?                                        

It was still a little chilly in the month of January on the Sunday night after new years.  We were in the regular routine at mom’s house and on our way to church I thought just another night at the old building.  A good friend of mine accompanied me because he had spent the night with me, my partner in crime you could say; he was just about 1 or 2 years older.  As we pulled up to the old dark red bricked building, our headlights showing the beauty of the stain glass windows we parked and went inside.  We walked in a few minutes early and spoke with other members.  Tonight would just be another show I would be what pleased and satisfied the “church people” as long as I was there.
         
The choir lifted their voices and sang loudly to begin the service.  Then we fellowshipped and sang “Amazing Grace” I put on my best smile and shook all the surrounding peoples’ hands.  No pressure I kept thinking this is just going to be the usual service.  Then they took up offering and I put in a couple of dollars just as I usually did.           
         
Then the service took a different turn as Frank Shaw came up for the special music of the night.  He sang a song I had never heard before call “Feel the Nails”.  It was a heart breaking stomach-curdling song.  Just to give you a couple of the lines it said:
“ Can you feel the nails every time I fell?  Have I crucified you again with my sins?”
“ Lord I’m tired of playing games I really want to change.  I just can’t bear the thought of hurting you.”  I’m not going to lie I did cry a little when he sang that song there was people shouting it was an amazing song and he is a very good singer.
         
Then the sermon came on and it wasn’t much any better, it made me feel just as uncomfortable.  For some reason I can’t truly remember our pastor Ray Collet was preaching that night which was unusual because he normally preached on Sunday mornings.  His sermon consisted of three points, which were purpose, what if it is your responsibility, and profit that you life consists of.
         
Everyone has a purpose he went on.  All Christians are first called to the great commission even if it is in your own back yard, then you also have a purpose to help the up bringing of the church which is God’s people not a building that holds them. 
         
He said that there were some people that only certain people could reach and that because of that those people where responsible.  That you may be a called bishop (preacher) and because you weren’t proclaiming the word someone’s blood might be on your hands one day.  What if that person that is dieing and going to hell is the one you could have said something to.  What if . . .
         
Why are you here?  You may be saved but if God saved you are doing what he wants you to and if not why even live.  If you don’t think there is a God, heaven, or hell then why go in this world?  Do you live just to have white house with a red door and blue shudders, 2.5 kids at about the age of thirty, and own some kind of business that you don’t have to have a hard time?  Or do you just live it up when you’re young and die young so to leave a good-looking corpse?  If there is no here after then why even live just kill me know.  And if I am in the way of God’s work just go ahead and get me out of here because that’s a scary place to be.  If you don’t invest in the here after by trying to bring people with you your life is of no profit because that is the only thing you get to take with take with you.  You can’t make the decision for them but you can be an example.

         The sermon was over and it was just getting worse in side of me with every moment so I though that was a good thing.  But now the invitation started and it was just a very blander repeat.  Now the preacher said it’s time for you to make a decision all we preachers do is try to make you think and you have to make the choice.  Then came his questions: 

“Have you been saved and let the blood of Christ be applied?” he first asked.
“Yes I have,” I thought.
“Have you displayed this in public baptism?” 
“Yes.”
“What have you done since then?  Have you been living the way you should?  How often have you told people about your lord?  What differences do you make or exactly what is your purpose, do you know?

Most of these question just left me in awe of myself and I thought I don’t know if I can be all this for God.  My friend that I had done about everything bad you could with him right by me the entire time was standing beside me.  Other people knew also about me and if I went down to rededicate I didn’t want it to just be anther screw up.  I was in about the middle of the right row of pews sitting with my mother and stepfather who had no earthly idea of my current events lately.  It was such a full house in the church.  No one seemed to going to pray and I realized at that moment that me going to pray by myself was just a picture of the way I would have to live my Christian life most of the time, without much of any peer support.  Then the preacher said we are going to sing one more verse of the song “Just As I Am”.  It was now time for me to move if I was going to.

I walked down the long isle of maroon carpet between the pews.  “What will they think?”  Crossed my mind and my simple self-reply was I don’t care!  I was tired of playing games, and being a Christian now meant something.  My knees quivering, holding back tears, as I knelt down to pray it was total melt down.  I probably would have been praying out loud but I was crying so bad I couldn’t talk.  I felt like I was nothing but trash.  I was a meaning less life that just took up space.  Then God stood there, the big daddy I never had, ready to pick me up and dust me off.  My heart had been broken and I wanted to turn.  I prayed and said, “ Lord I have done nothing but make you name a mockery up until now and I want my self to be a useful vessel wither it means I clean the toilets, take up the offering, it don’t matter I just want to work and be a witness for you.”
A voice almost as audible as any other said “ Preach” and I being a normal human thought that I would have to clean myself first.  I got up still quivering and said before the church that I had just rededicated my life.

                   I proclaimed my call to preach on April 14, almost three months after my rededication.  I have lost a lot many would think, but compared to what I have gained living right is so much more.  This narrative is makes me a over comer and I hope that you might rethink a couple of decisions after its reading.