Oh Man, It Makes Me Crazy

I shake in the darkness as a pin oaks' leaves might in the winters wind
Peering out to the road, eyes as glazed, red as candied taffy apples
Waiting for her to return to me.
Why should she I ask? She has gone or have I driven her away as before and again?

Fear grips my throat, clenching tight, I struggle to breathe
Cold concrete under my naked feet causes my blood to run even colder,
It is always this way when she is not there, maybe not to return,
I cannot consider being without her, being alone with me

The day had brought trouble between us again as it has before
She cannot stand me at times when I am on a roll of sheer egotism
Who can blame her? I am intolerable when the mood strikes me
I get out of hand, become destructive to her and those who love me

I stand filled with self pity when I should feel compassion for her
It's always about me, that is where the real trouble lies
As cold-hearted as anyone can be, for no good reason
It is justified by me just being me I rationalize again

She is fine and wondrous at times, I am substantially less than that more often than not
How do I allow myself to get this way? me a man of the finest self control
There is that word again ... self, it's such a poison to me, also to those around me
My mind is certainly a paradox, in reality it is an emotional ghetto, a feeling wasteland

Oh man, it makes me crazy when I feel this way and do these things
Guilt, remorse and sadness are sure to visit me when I calm down
They have become constant companions in the aftermath of my self centered bouts with the world
One would think that I would tire of this behavior, cease and desist should be my modus operandi

Is there a deep lurking secret that fuels this madness?
Would knowing the root cause change the leaves or bark of the tree?
Perhaps not, perhaps so, but I doubt it
Self knowledge certainly is not the answer for a man of my afflictions
It will take more Power than that