Banana Split

Banana Split

“Cat, hat, bat, fat, rat, spat, scat, vat, splat, and that,” said Bob.
         “What?” asked Robert.
         “Ten words that rhyme with ‘at,’” Bob explained. “Roberta asked me if I could think of ten of them. Tell her them for me, will you?”
         “Why’d she want ten words rhyming with ‘at?’” questioned Robert.
         “Dunno,” said Bob. “She was just going around asking everyone if they could get at least ten.”
         “Weird.”
         “Yeah.”
         Bob left.
         Later, he arrived at Frederick’s house. He knocked on the door. Frederick answered.
         “Why didn’t you use the doorbell?” Frederick asked.
         “I didn’t know you had one,” Bob said.
         “It’s new,” said Frederick. “It would’ve been way better if you’d’ve used it. It plays a creepy tune and that would hint at me being a rather nefarious fellow.”
         “But I already know you’re a rather nefarious fellow,” said Bob, “that’s why I’m here. I’m here to make sure you don’t do anything nefarious tonight.”
         “How’re you gonna do that?” Frederick asked.
         “Erm, dunno,” said Bob.
         “Well, why tonight in particular?” Frederick asked.
         “I’m afraid if I tell you then it’ll just cause you to commit a nefarious deed rather than prevent you from doing so,” Bob explained.
         “Well, said Frederick, “now that you’ve come here at all and told me that only, I think the same results will occur. I wasn’t originally planning any nefarious deeds tonight, but now I think I will plan one.”
         “Ah,” said Bob. “It seems my plan to stop you from planning a nefarious deed has rather quite backfired.”
         “Yes, quite indeed,” said Frederick.
         “Drat,” said Bob.
         “Fra ha ha ha ha!” laughed Frederick evilly.
         Bob left.
         Later, he arrived at Frederica’s house. He knocked on the door. Frederica answered.
         “Why didn’t you use the doorbell?” Frederica asked.
         “I didn’t know you had one,” Bob said.
         “It’s new,” said Frederica. “It would’ve been way better if you’d’ve used it. It plays a gentle, soothing tune which would be a hint that I am your girlfriend.”
         “But I already know you’re my girlfriend,” said Bob, “that’s why I’m here. You said we could go to dinner tonight.”
         “Ah yes,” said Frederica. “Let’s go then.”
         Bob and Frederica left.
         Later, they arrived at the Generic Café. Bob spoke to the employee at the podium, whose name was Bobby and who knew Bob and Frederica personally.
         “Yo,” said Bob.
         “Yo,” said Bobby.
         “We like, have a reservation or something,” said Bob.
         “Ah,” said Bobby. “Then like, follow me.”
         Bob and Frederica began to follow Bobby into the restaurant. However, before they got to a table, Frederick jumped out from behind a large potted plant.
         “Fra ha ha!” he said. “I have come to put a damper on your pleasant evening!”
         “Ah,” said Bob.
         “Quite ah, indeed!” said Frederick.
         “But what you don’t realize is that I predicted you would commit a nefarious deed tonight and had a plan,” said Bob.
         “Ah,” said Frederick.
         “Quite ah, indeed,” said Bob.
         Another guy jumped out from behind another potted plant. His name was Robby and he also knew Bob personally.
         “Ra ha ha!” he laughed evilly.
         “Wait, you’re not supposed to laugh evilly,” said Bob.
         “Oh,” said Robby.
         “Who’s he?” asked Frederick.
         “He’s Robby,” said Bob.
         “Oh,” said Frederick.
         Then Robby drop-kicked Frederick and Frederick flew out the window, which was closed, making it a rather painful thing through which to fly.
         “Cool,” said Bob.
         “Can we eat now?” asked Frederica. “I want a banana split.”
         “Not so fast!” said Frederick’s voice from outside. “What you don’t realize is that I predicted you would foil my nefarious deed tonight and had a backup plan.”
         Another guy jumped out from behind another potted plant. His name was Roberto and he knew Frederick personally.
         “Ra ha ha!” he laughed evilly.
         “Hey, you stole my evil laugh!” said Robby.
         “Actually, you were never supposed to have one, so it was up for grabs,” explained Roberto.
         “Oh,” said Robby.
         “Quite oh, indeed,” said Roberto.
         “Who are you?” asked Bob.
         “I’m Roberto,” said Roberto.
         “Oh,” said Robby.
         “Quite oh, indeed,” said Roberto, and drop-kicked Robby out the other window, which was also closed, making it also a rather painful experience.
         “Unfortunate,” said Bob.
         “Can we eat now?” asked Frederica. “I want a banana split.”
         “Not yet!” said Roberto. “I still must commit the nefarious deed!”
         “What is it?” asked Bob.
         Some guy named Rob walked by, and Roberto drop-kicked him out of a third window, which was open, but was also right above a cliff.
         “That,” said Roberto.
         “Okay,” said Bob.
         “Can we eat now?” said Frederica. “I want a banana split.”
         Before they could go sit at a table, however, a woman walked into the restaurant. She looked very clean and orderly and wore white clothes that didn’t exactly look like something you’d wear to a restaurant if you had any sense of those kinds of things, and women have those kinds of senses of those kinds of things somewhat more often than men do, so it was all rather strange.
         The woman spoke.
         “Mr. Tilps, it’s time for your medication,” she said.
         “Who’s Mr. Tilps?” asked Bob.
         “You are,” said the woman.
         “No I’m not,” said Bob. “I’m Bob.”
         “Ah,” said the woman.
         “Quite ah, indeed,” said Bob.
         “Wait,” said a man sitting at a table in the restaurant. “I’m Mr. Tilps.”
         The man got up from the table and hopped over to the strange woman, Bob, Frederica, and Roberto. He hopped because he was wearing a straight jacket.
         “Just what is going on here?” Bob asked the strange woman.
         “Well, ya see,” the strange woman replied, “it turns out that you, Bob, as well as Frederica, Roberto, and every other character mentioned by name, are actually all just multiple split personalities of Mr. Tilps here.”
         “Ah,” said Bob.
         “Quite ah, indeed,” said the woman.