Start Talking - How can I refuse

His name is Sean, a cute guy in my class; a guy who only talks to his male friends; a girl hater (still a lot of girls are head over toe in love with him); my best friend’s little brother; and my crush.
         “I think…I think the reason why he hates girls…well including me, of course…because of our mom…” Liza, my best friend, once told me when I visit her at their apartment. You see they live on their own, their father died when they were still in grade school, and their mother left them to marry a rich businessman without even consulting them, since then they never saw her.
         I met Liza when I was freshman; she’s a senior in the Writer’s Club that I joined out of my hobby. Timid and uncomfortable with new people, I was always left alone; others think that I’m a snob, just because I’m always silent, I don’t care thought, it’s better that way. When I got accepted at the club no one approach me but Liza; she introduced herself first and start telling me her favorite books, authors and genres, she talked non-stop, but I don’t mind, she seems nice. From that day onward, every time I come to the club she would approach me, letting me read the latest fiction she wrote, and then asking me of what I think about it; we became really close, and after a year…we became best friends.
         “He only hates you, because you keep on ordering him around…like he’s your slave…” I said to her, a matter-of-factly, she glared at me and I instantly shut my mouth, “As I was saying…because of what mom did, he thought that all girls are the same…what I don’t understand is…” she looked at me suspiciously, “he talks to you without swearing…or giving ‘I-hate-you’ glares.”, “Uh…maybe because…I’m your best friend?!…” I said nervously, I know what she’s trying to say, that Sean might like me…but that’s absurd, right?! “Maybe you’re right...” she shrugged, “still you’re welcome to be my sister-in-law…” she smiling widely, eyes twinkling in mischief as she holding my hands together; I didn’t tell her about my little crush on her brother, but I know she knows, she can really be annoying sometimes.   
         But you know she’s right, I’m the only girl Sean talks to in our school, and I made lots of enemies, I was constantly bullied, though there were girls as well that asks me to give letters or gifts to him, being the follower as I am, I would always do it, after all, it gives me another reason to talk to him. On the other hand, I know that he really hates it when I give something to him, “You know I’ll just throw them away, stop bringing them to me…” he once told me, he was angry, I know, but doesn’t want to frighten me I guess, and controlled himself, “ But what am I going to do with them?!...” I asked, I have a good guess, I mean…I know what his answer will be, and I wanna hit myself for asking it unnecessarily, “Burn it…” he said, grinning, then left me.
         Sean though, is really nice, especially when it’s just the two of us, he always made me laugh when I’m down, and every time I visit Liza and she’s not around yet, he would be with me, watching DVDs while eating some snacks; I also live on my own, since my parents are abroad, sometimes he would help me with the groceries. Those are the main reason why I begun liking him.
         I know I shouldn’t doubt his generosity, still since the day that one of his friends came to me; I really can’t help myself to doubt. “I know you now like Sean…because he’s too nice to you,” he said, “H-how did you know?!...” I asked backing away a little, I was shocked, I can he know, I never told anybody…even Liza, “Tsk…you’re always blushing when he’s around…especially when he talks to you…” he answered angrily...I don’t have an idea what he’s so angry about, but he’s right, I always feel that I’m blushing, even when I’m just looking at him from afar, it’s like what?!...a reflex?!...close, maybe…and after we talk or something, I always felt that I want to run, fly, jump…I can’t help but smile and giggle, perhaps it isn’t just crush back then…but Love.     
         “He’s just using you…” he continued, I raised an eyebrow, he got to my nerve, really how can he, he’s even one of Sean’s closest friends, “He’s being so nice to you because he doesn’t want to lose his control over you…”, “What are you saying?!...” I said, as calm as I can be, “Didn’t he always ask you to copy assignments?!...do over half of his undone projects?!...borrow anything without even asking?!...” he accused, and he was right, but I didn’t mind all those, Sean would let me copy his assignments too…and even does my projects even if I didn’t ask him; still his friend made me doubt Sean, and I really hate it. What if Sean knew how I felt?!...what if he’s just playing with my feelings?!...The truth struck me, Sean would never like me, he hates girls after all, I was wrong to believe that I’m different from those girls in Sean’s eyes; but I can’t blame him, it isn’t Sean’s fault, it’s just me, I can’t say no to him.
         A week after that conversation, after being so down and avoided Sean, I finally managed to tell Liza everything; about my feelings for Sean (she knew it all along, anyway)…and about that talk with his friend, I think John was his name. Liza was furious, “HOW DARE THAT MONKEY…” she shrieked and said a few swear words, she calmed down a minute later, “I know how you feel right now Kaye…” she said sighing, “…and you know what…I can’t say that what that monkey said isn’t true…Sean is…” she stopped and looked into my eyes, “Why don’t you just talk this over?!...” she smiled.
         The following day Liza called me to wait for her at their apartment, and while I’m at it, I should talk to Sean. Honestly, I don’t have an idea how to talk to him; just thinking about it hurts me.
         “What’s the matter, Kaye?!...” he asked after I arrived, we were at the living room watching a movie, “You look so down…and you’re avoiding me the whole week…did I do something to upset you?!...” he looked at me so worried. “I-I’ve been wanting…to ask you this Sean…” I said, as if not hearing what he said, “Shot…” he answered, looking away, he took a handful of pop corn at the table. “Why…Why am I the only girl that you talk to at the school?!…the only girl that is…” I said uncomfortably, it’s as if he’ll get mad at me, and I don’t like it, I really wanna cry, “Why’d you asked?!…” he said, voice rising, “Did those filthy witches at school asked you this time?!...” he stood up, glaring at me, I wanna disappear he’s really mad at me now, and I don’t like that…but I can’t show him that, “Don’t insult them like that…” I said standing up, I hoped that I sounded angry too that time.
         I wanted to turn around and leave, but he stopped me, he held my shoulders firmly, I know he’s looking straight into my eyes, but I can’t bring myself to do so as well, I looked down, “I-It’s just that…it’s just that I always hear rumors…” I lied, yes there were rumors, that Sean and I might have a secret relationship and that I’m the one who’s keeping him from talking to other girls, but I’m the least affected, I couldn’t care less. Silence. “Does it bother you so much?!...” he asked, I wanted to say NO, I wanted to take back everything, I wanted to say that it just hurt me to know that he could have just playing with my feelings, because…because I really am in love with him; but much to my dismay…I nodded.
         I felt his hold tighten for a moment, then he let go, “Alright, from tomorrow…I’ll start talking to them,” he said, it made me want to shout, say that ‘no, you don’t have to…I always felt happy every time I thought that I’m special to you…that you consider me your friend…’, “That would make you happy?!...” he asked, I could feel my tears wanting to flow. I could feel in his voice, that in exchange of him talking to those girls, he would stop talking to me; it’s a good thing that before I said “Yes”, he turned his back to me, for my tears started to flow non-stop.
         “I’m gonna sleep…wait Liza at her room if you want…” he said bluntly, it hurt so much, however I know it’s better this way, no one would bully me anymore, and I wouldn’t hear the truth that Sean might not really be sincere to me. I keep telling myself that ‘it’s better this way’, but tears kept on flowing, I ran to Liza’s room and cried silently, making sure that Sean won’t hear it. When Liza arrived I didn’t wait for her to ask what happened…I flung myself to her and cried even more, I really, really, really hate myself.
         The following day, Sean indeed started to talk with every girl at school that gave a hint of liking him; he flirted with them like a pro, he even dated some; he would talk to anybody…except me.
         And as expected, rumors saying that Sean and I broke up boomed, I should not mind…even though it’s like the really reason. Every time I see him, I always want to cry, he would act like I never exist, it hurts a lot, but again I can’t blame him, it’s my fault on the first place; Sean hates me, how can he not, after almost asking him to deal with the people he hated the most?!...
         A year later, here I am a…graduating student; I changed school after that incident, but my communication with Liza never changed, once a month we go out and bond, she would also update me with Sean’s whereabouts, even though I didn’t ask her. “You know what…since you left and changed school last year…Sean returned to his old self…” she told me last Saturday when we went out shopping, I gave her a frown, “It’s true…” she chuckled, “Kaye, my brother Sean is in love with you…I didn’t tell you before because I know that both of you needed time…”, “What are…”, “Kaye listen…the reason why he keeps on avoiding you before is because, he felt responsible for you having no friends at school…” she said as she took my hands, “because of all those rumors…he blamed himself.”
         I can’t really believe it, but if that’s true, I’d be the happiest girl on earth…”That’s absurd Liza…I’m just…”, “The perfect girl for him…” she interrupted, “My brother’s a weak guy inside…especially around you…try making the first move…you won’t be disappointed…I promise…” she smiled at me genuinely.
         The following day, I saw him immediately as he stepped out of the bus near my place, he saw me as well, we just stared at each other for a moment before I said “Um…hi…”, “Hi…” he answered back, smile on his face, “Uh…you’re meeting with your girlfriend?!...” I said, I wane hit myself again, how stupid can I be, he chuckled, “No…actually, I’m meeting with my friend, Mathew…he wanted me to help at their house for some repairs…”, “Oh…” was all I’ve managed to say, “Um…well then, see you around…I guess…” I said, waving my hand as I went pass him, then I heard him say, “Yeah…see you around…take care…” he sounded happy, like he expected it not to be our last conversation in a year again.
         That night he called me, I felt the time running fast as we talk, then before we finally say good night…he asked me something I never even imagined he would, “Hey…uh…are you free this weekend?!...wanna go out with me?!...” I was really shock to answer, Sean, my crush is really asking me on a date, “K-Kaye…still there…” he said, he sounded worried, “Uh yeah…” I answered immediately, “Well?!...” like before, I felt that I wanted to run, fly, jump…I can’t help but smile, then I said, “How can I refuse…”
The End!