This Chapter is Over

I met a guy when I was 19. I was seperated and my grandfather had just passed away. I went to a friends party and there was a guy there and he was younger,he just turned 17 and was all about the mlitary. I liked him and my friend fixed me up with him. His name was Chris. He stole my heart when he said hi to me. I was hard to get along with and I had my guard up. I didn't treat him very well but he was so good to me. We stayed together through it all. We split up a few times but we always seemed to work it all out and get back together. Chris ended up going into the military after we had split up again. I was with someone else and ended up pregnant and had miscarried and I was in the hospital on my 21st birthday. Someone came in my room in the middle of the night. It was Chris. He was bald and I was so happy to see him. We ended up back together again. He was trying so hard to be there for me and my family rejected him. He had to go back to North Carolina and I told him I would wait for him. I took him to the Greyhound bus and dropped him off. I watched as that bus took him away right along with my heart. I waited all summer for him to come back and get me. One night a friend of mine came over and said he had bad news. He told me Chris was getting married.My heart shattered. I went to see Chris and he was drunk. He had met a girl at a party and was going to marry her the next day. I just looked at him and told him if he ever needed me to call me and I hugged him bye. Chris married her and called me 3 months later crying. He told me he had made a mistake and he was sorry. I told him I would be there. My dad took me to the store got me a walkman,packed me a bag and took me to a greyhound bus and sent me to North Carolina. Chris ended up coming to Tennessee to get me. I was so happy to see him. I was where I belonged,back in his arms. We didn't have anything but we loved each other and we made it. We ended up getting married on May 14th. We did the "Dillion Dash". Not too long after that we found out we were going to have a baby. We tried for so long. I couldnt beleive we were going to be parents. We had her and we named her Patrisha Anne Young. It was so amazing. My sister Angie was there and my biological dad came there to see the new baby. Chris and I had created a special little girl together. Well as the days went on we grew apart. Chris ended up trying to fix me up with the neighbor guy and I went out with him a few times. He was one of a kind. Chris ended up talking to my sister,Peggy on the phone a lot. It was time for Chris to get out of the military so I packed up Trishas and my stuff and drove home to Indiana. I didnt want to leave Earl the guy that I had met but I needed to be with my family. Chris ended up dating Peggy for a while. I actually caught them in bed together. That broke my heart. I lost my mind that day. Days and even months went on. Christmas was really awkward at our house. There sat my husband with my sister. Well they ended that relationship finally.We lived in my mom and dads house and one night it burnt to he ground.Chris lived with his dad. Chris got into riding bulls in the rodeo. I ended up becoming a drunk and didnt care about much. I ended up pregnant again. This time it wasnt Chris'.I had the baby and he was a beautiful baby boy. Matthew Jefferson. Chris was the first one to see him. That meant a lot to me. My dad got us a trailer to live in and Chris and I would take Matthew and Trish to Mcdonalds every Sunday. We werent together but we wanted the kids to know we can get along.Chris and I took Trish to see Thomas the tank engine and we were sitting on the curb eatting and he leaned over and kissed me. Then the next day Chris comes up the driveway and wants to come back to us. SO we got back together. We were so happy and so were the kids. Chris put his name on Matthews birth certificate and called him his own. I never thought so much of him until he did that. We ended up getting married again and my family was back together once again. Life was good even though we didnt have money or anything. A couple years passed and I end up pregnant again. We had just bought a house and they were working on it. We had the baby and it was a boy. Jack Allen. He had the prettiest blue eyes I had ever seen. He was my little angel. Everything was falling into place. We had 3 beauiful kids, a new house and each other. We had the life. Then one day we woke up and our new baby was lifeless. He was 9 weeks old and had passed away for no reason.How could this happen to him? Chris and I blamed ourselves and each other. There was no reason our baby should have died. They said it was SIDS. Our lives just got turned upsidedown. I locked myself in my babys room for months and cried every second of the day. I wanted my life to end but there was 2 other kids of mine that needed me. Chris tried so hard to make me better. From that moment on I have never been the same. I used to laugh and be happy but never again would there be a complete sense of happiness in me. Chris and I started arugeing a lot. We also got too overprotective of our kids. We based our lives around death instead of around life. A few years had passed and we made it through that so far and I end up pregnant again. We had went to my brothers wedding and my biological dad was there and we spoke and hugged and I told him i loved him,he died 3 days later. He had a massive heart attack. Chris didnt know what to say or how to react. I thought my parents would be here forever. We had another baby boy. We named him Jesse James. Chris and I were so paranoid about losing him that we never slept the first year of his life. It was hard but we did it.Jesse was our little guy. The year before Jesse turned 2 my uncle drank himself to death. Then 2 months later my sister and her boyfriend pass away in a fire. All the while my dad (step dad) has cancer and 3 days before Jesse turns 2 my dad passes away. By this time I have lost most of the people that meant the most to me in my family. What do I do? Chris is lost and doesnt know how to handle this for me. He always tried to fix things for me when they went wrong but he couldnt fix any of this. We fought more and the fights got worse. On Fathers Day we ended it all. We tried to work it out numerous times after that but it just didnt seem right. I have lost my best friend and my one and only. He tried to get me to come back and be with him but I just couldnt at the time. I was stubborn. Now he is with a girl and they have a house together. its my worst enemy but I have come to accept that people change and all I want for him is to be happy. I will always love Chris but he has moved on now and I have accepted that.I will never forget the good tims we had together and how we made it through most of the bad times.