My deepest sorrow

I keep dreaming about you
even thought I didn’t know you
very well

I remember the few times I saw you
you always gave us chocolate
and you were always nice to us

But we never spoke to you
and we always threw away the chocolate
because that was what we were told

That you were a bad person
that whatever you gave us
should be thrown away

And that’s what I used to remember you like
a bad person, some kind of ghost or phantom
that I should run away from

I didn’t feel anything when you died
I barely remember it
only because

I remember my dad crying
which I had never seen him
do before

It was first later when I grew up
that I realized
she was the bad person

She was the one that told us
to hate you
just because she did

Just now I have realized
that you were a good man
that you helped many

I’ve asked people and they tell me
that you were good at anything
and everything

I have seen some of your work
and I admire it a lot
I wish I could do the same

I know you did some bad things
But honestly
Who hasn’t?

Everyone tells me I remind them of you
and I can’t help
but feeling terribly guilty

I know I was only eight
But was I did was wrong
and I wish I could change it

But at the same time I know I can’t
And that bothers me
Indescribably

I have visited the graveyard, once
But I didn’t have the guts to
Visit you

I cried my eyes out but my legs just wouldn’t go there
My heart broke in a million pieces
like never before

I have never felt a sorrow like that
It felt like my heart exploded
Like I would never be happy again

It kills me
Knowing I have never known you
And never will

Knowing I did something SO wrong
And that I can never change it
Not for as long as I live

My only hope is that you can hear me
And that you will forgive me
Even though I’ll never know

Or that someday when I leave this world
We will meet
And all will be forgiven

Until then I will just have to battle this sorrow
completely on my own
and keep feeling that you’re around

Because now you are a ghost
Somewhere in my dreams
And in my life

I can feel you

And it scares me