All The News That Makes You Retch

I’ve been struggling to write a coherent piece in the midst of the ensuing circus politics that comprise the current presidential campaign. It’s hard to get a handle on things when each day brings about a new and irrelevant twist. The latest non-story to make its way down the pike is newly-minted republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin’s epic inability to teach her teenage daughter the importance of safe sex, which resulted in the dreaded teen pregnancy. Compounding this development, Palin is an advocate of abstinence-only sex education. Incidentally, these programs have been shown to have an adverse effect on, yet not diminish, sexual activity, which Palin’s daughter learned the hard way. Over the weekend, I learned some other sordid details about Palin, from a be-dreadlocked former rock star with a serious news addiction.

“Did you hear Sarah Palin is one of those Assembly of God people?”

“You mean like snake handlers?”

“No, these are the people who writhe around on the floor speaking in tongues, like the chick from The Exorcist.”

I’ve had run-ins with these types before. My high school had good sized group of Pentecostals who would tote bibles to and from class and always found time to testify to the unbelievers. These people dressed like everyday was Sunday mass and smelled of lilac. One of them assured me I was hell bound, all because I protested the idea that an abused child should defer to his parents, rather than alerting authorities of his ill treatment. It was a fascinating display of mass hysteria: one of them would become infected by the holy spirit during class, which would result in her springing to her feet and shouting “Praise Jesus!”, and like lemmings, the rest of her clan would raucously cheer while the teacher tried to delicately restore order. There is no indication that Sarah Palin regularly bounces about on her heels due to some deep seated mental illness, but the sum of her parts leaves a lot to be desired. So far, Palin’s public record has proven tumultuous, including allegations of abusing her authority to have a family member fired, backing the fabled Bridge to Nowhere, then rescinding her support after being elected, clamoring for government earmarks, which she has since come out vehemently against, keeping in lock step with McCain’s reformer stance. For the record, Palin has already requested $197.8 million of next year’s federal budget, according to the LA Times.

John McCain’s reasoning in choosing Palin was blazingly clear. He concurrently attempted to sate social conservatives with this baby spewing Pentecostal super mom while launching an epic coup d’twat, designed to rake in those disgruntled Hillary Clinton supporters, still distraught by her treatment at the hands of just about everyone. Most people are quick to lament “This won’t work! Women could not be this short-sighted!” which is usually followed by shifting eyes and a bout nervous laughter. A woman scorned is inconsolable; a feminist scorned is unstoppable. And that is Clinton’s rabid base: inconsolable feminists, bound and determined to feel put out and discontented. Consider the FUPAs or whatever the hell those grating harpies are called. These women are jumping democratic ship faster than you can say affirmative action. They hold the Obama campaign responsible for the few instances of genuine sexism lobbed at Clinton, none of which were afforded by the candidate himself. What they fail to realize is that Clinton is mostly responsible for the epic crash and burn of her presidential bid. For all of her caterwauling about experience, she betrayed a novice’s approach during her campaign, as evidenced by the large amount of criticism she received from members of her own staff after she officially bowed out.

While I really didn’t see the rampant sexism allegedly shown to Clinton, I do spy bigotry in much of the criticism of Obama. It should go without saying (but won’t, so I’ll say it anyway) that if you part company with the democratic candidate due to his policies, leadership style, or have some other valid reason why you choose to instead support McCain, then clearly I’m not referring to you. However, if you: A) balked at Obama’s middle name; B) believe him to be in a sleeper cell; C) believe him to be an undercover black Nationalist; D) believe him to be the anti Christ who will usher in the apocalypse; E) believe that somehow he will bestow a greater authority to black Americans and/or believe his nomination will result in some sudden racial role reversal like a hokey science fiction movie; F) believe that he is fundamentally inferior to any and all white candidates (which would be a hard argument to prove, considering he made it all the way to the senate), then you, sir or madam, are either a racist or a moron, or quite possibly both, and you probably shouldn’t vote.

Being a contrarian at heart, I find it difficult to fully support Obama. I am wholly uncomfortable by the coddling treatment he receives from the media, at the expense of its integrity. I don’t think this reflects poorly on him, rather, it shows just how low we’ve sunk in terms of news coverage. It’s no secret that the media, for the most part, is an utter farce, more concerned with ratings than disseminating information to the people. It’s not really a question of liberal/conservative bias. It is yet another example of catering to those troublesome lowest common denominators, people who can’t absorb the boring details of policies or legislation, but are always in the mood for some gossip and mud slinging. However, if I subtracted every bit of sensationalism and fluff journalism that swirls around him, I would still find myself aligned with his point of view and his plans for future policy. It doesn’t happen often, but some people are popular for the right reasons.

For the first time in a long while, the democratic party seems to have their house in order. That’s not say that they offer perfect solutions to our collective ills. Politicians spew rhetoric like a bum spews semi-digested whiskey, and I don’t believe a democratic presidency in 2009 will suddenly make heaven dawn. But it will offer what might possibly be our last chance at salvaging dignity for America. We have taken many blows to our collective self esteem in the past few years; having to deal with a dubious election in 2000 and the subsequent eight years of witnessing George W. Bush stumble around the white house; the horror of being attacked by enemy combatants, yet experiencing no real closure on the subject (consider the sill lagging Freedom Tower); watching the constitution being repeatedly shat on by Dick Cheney and company; witnessing the decimation of a younger generation via a war that has never been fully planned, explained, or considered by those who forced it on the unsuspecting public; watching the seamless meshing of religion and politics with virtually no protest from anyone; further propagating a victim culture where hurt feelings take precedent over debate and critical thinking.

Impotent rhetoric and symbolism seem to have reached a fevered pitch. There simply is no unity among Americans collectively. Instead, people are fleeing the national community and retreating into tribalism. Some fools would have you believe that Americans of differing ethnicities are incapable of relating to each other in a meaningful way. I beg to differ. The human condition is universal. While personal experiences may vary down the line, every human being experiences the same range of emotions: fear, anger, happiness, pride, remorse, disgust, and so on. I am offended by genuine injustice, whether or not I am the subject of it. The rallying point for Americans should be our democracy. This is what has afforded us this way of life, where even the most impoverished person is still much better off than most of the world. In addition, America, for the time being anyway, preserves and protects speech, both popular and unpopular, both noble and ignoble. This is an ideal environment for fostering advancements in art, literature, technology, medicine, just to name a few disciplines. Instead, we squabble over trivialities, ignore dire, legitimate problems, and waste our spare time on the most listless pursuits.

No matter who ultimately wins this November, the responsibility to solve many of these problems lies with the people. We should demand leadership that treats us as adults, not authoritarians who slather us in feel-good platitudes involving the glory of the United States, without requiring anything from us in return. This is a turning point. We can collectively live up to the expectations we set for ourselves, or we can keep going the way we have been: struggling, on the verge of financial insolvency, with sparsely educated, over medicated, listless children, with no hope for the future and having learned nothing from the past.