THE CRUCIBLE CALLED LIFE

Each one of us six billion individuals began a journey as a single cell, a journey that not only teaches us all that we will know, it is what defines us-- this is what we are. Even those nine months in the womb were not moments of blank growth, they were an experience that exists in our unconscious mind. Then we were born. So many were happy to see us, some too elated to express their feelings, some took fancy to us, while some, of course, inexplicably hated us from that very moment on...This continues through all the years that we live.
Sometimes it is the very parents, who gave this life to you, who become your enemies. It is the saddest and bitterest truth of life for many. Fathers do not respect the dignity of the daughter. Mothers sell off their kids for money. Yet, our life belongs to us. We still have it. We are individuals who have the power of choice but no power to escape the necessity of making a choice. The choices we make are what determines the course we take.
Our parents are our guides in the dark, companions in our joys, a sense of security when we feel lost, a strength when we feel sapped of it. Except those unfortunate cases that I mentioned earlier, parents are our friends with a generation gap. Sometimes it also happens that that generation gap arises not because our parents have not kept up with the pace of the world but because we fail to see that they understand, and that we consider them too old to know. Times change, conditions change, the people around us change, but the basic fabric remains the same. As kids, they made most of our choices for us, what we ate or wore, where we slept, so on and so forth. They, however, left us free for quite some time, they did not tie us to themselves every moment. We were left free to explore. The choices they made for us back then were absolutely necessary, for we knew nothing of the world at that time. Having grown up now if we think that our parents know nothing, it will be a great discredit to them. Remember, one day you will be in their shoes. Maybe that day you will understand what it takes to be a parent—how they would run across the world to get our scratch bandaged.
Even at the age of a few months we begin to figure out what is right for us. If we tumble at a particular spot, we wouldn’t venture there anymore. If somebody gives us a bad stare or an uncomfortable feeling we would not like him. It is our decision, nobody told us to like someone or to dislike someone else. Gradually we move on and our world grows larger. What we do is by our choice—learn to assert yourself and assess others, but please for your own sake don’t be a stubborn ass. Analyse, make mistakes, learn from them. If you get cheated twice at the same game then maybe you deserve it. Your elders may be right once in a while, so give things a try but remember it is your life and you alone can decide the course of it.
Most of us face the problem of our parents making choices for us, especially in case of choosing careers or a life partner. By now, we are old enough to know what is right for us but never make the mistake of omitting the possibility that we may be misjudging. Talk things out and never trust blindly. Long back, a friend of mine had quoted Chanakya for me “trust no one but yourself completely, not even your parents”. The best way to make your parents trust you is to take responsibility; as a teen tell them that you are old enough and that you can take certain decisions by yourself. If you have the guts to make the choice, have the guts to take the results in your stride, don’t give up if it turns out bad. I know you’ll have to hear a lot of “I told you so”, “when will you ever learn”, “this is not what we expected of you”, “how come it’s always you who makes mistakes—Mr. X’s kid is your age and he was never such an idiot.” Take life as a challenge, next time I’m sure you’ll know what to do.
It is of course easier said than done. Sometimes we may even have to argue to prove our point. Don’t hesitate if that’s the one option you are left with and if you know your decision to be better than the other person’s. If you respect yourself and your individuality, sooner or later everyone will be forced to accept your steel, and they will respect you for the decisions you make.
My philosophy for life is to live it king size—this is the only lifetime you have! There’s a child inside you, it’s possibly the best part of you so don’t shun him. Sometimes, just do something for the heck of it, travel off to anywhere, be a kid. It’s fun, it’s a new dimension added to life, a few moments that’ll pull you out of despair, should you ever fall in it. Laugh more often. Sometimes it’s even fun make a fool out of yourself (not in a serious way that is). And ya, have no regrets in life, don’t unnecessarily burden your conscience. I hate to say that I end up having a couple of regrets once in a while, but they serve as a reminder what not to do next time. I hope you never lose your sense of wonder, I hope those tiny joys you cherished as a child tickle you forever. You can always learn three things from a child—to always be happy, to always be busy with something and to demand with all his might that which he desires...when you could do it at three, you can always do it at thirty.
There are darker shades to this morass of life, the loss of a loved one being the worst of all. It maybe a friend, a beloved, a parent or anyone else; maybe even a person you just met. It’s true that dark hours seem shorter if we have someone to put a hand on our shoulder and say—it’s gonna be ok, I’m with you. A sudden fortitude gushes inside us. Don’t just expect it out of everyone else, be that person for somebody, you’ll love it and you’ll respect yourself for it. Being in love is a beautiful feeling, hold on to it, hold on to the person you love, tell them how much they mean to you, be there for them when they need you, sort things out and make sure you mean to them as much as they mean to you. And not just a lover, it maybe a friend, your parents, your child, your spouse....I know it’s very hard to comfort yourself if that one person lets go, but you have to try. Win him or her back if you can, let go if it’s impossible. You have a long life ahead of you, you have no choice but to move on. You will be moving ahead in time even if you will yourself not to, best to let go of the load than to drown yourself in pity under that burden. You are your worst enemy if you attempt to douse in self-pity and worse still if you land yourself in depression. Short term frustration is ok, you never know it might even clear the fog. C’mon, it’s your life, you have to struggle to keep it from falling apart and you are the only one who can do that.
Life’s a maze, it’s a mystery with some gray and some magically alive moments. It’s an arcana to unveil. In this maze, if you ever lose your way, don’t just sit and cry over it, find a new way; if you can’t, then make one. If it seems all tangled, there will be some thread in the skein along which you can untangle it.
You are the master and commander of your ship. Dare to be what you are. That’s bravery.
PS: I do not write this as a sermon, this is what I feel about life. I’ve had setbacks and I’ve been an idiot a lot of the time, but in the end what matters most is your opinion of yourself and the crucible you were handed at the moment of your birth, the crucible we call LIFE.