Chapter Four: Memories and Drugs

Chapter Four: Memories and Drugs

Melanie stared up at the ceiling, counting the dots that covered the tile. It kept her calm. It kept her mind off the fact that some monster had killed her child.

“Ryan’s baby.” She whispered, tears blurring her vision. “My baby.”

She’d only just found out the day of the accident and had planned on telling him. But one thing led to another, she never got the chance, and bam! Here she was, six weeks later, childless and empty.

When the OBGYN had told them the news, Ryan had been devastated. The loss of their child, a child he knew nothing about, had made him crumble before their eyes.

Understanding their need to be alone, the doctor had walked out without saying another word. She had sat up then, not caring about her pain, only his. He sat next to her, head buried on folded arms and crying.

And she had never seen Ryan cry before. He was not the cry kind of man.

It rendered her speechless first, uncertain in how to take care of him. Guilt flooded through her for not telling him as soon as she had had suspicions of being pregnant. But she hadn’t wanted to get him all worked up if she weren’t. Heartache swooped in finally and she wrapped her arms around him protectively.

Holding him while he cried, she slid closer; lifting his head into her chest as she slowly eased herself off the bed and onto his lap.

He didn’t even realize his supposed to be on bed rest wife was no longer following doctor’s orders.

“Rye, Rye. Baby, it’s alright. Shh, don’t cry.” Melanie soothed as she rubbed his back. His arms held her around the waist and his face buried itself in the folds of her hair and neck. “Honey, we can have another baby.”

“That’s not the point. This is all my fault—“

“Ryan Matthew Gordon look at me.” She said sharply. He slowly raised his tear streaked, red swollen eyes and face up to hers. “None of this is your fault. You had no way of knowing. Don’t you dare blame yourself. Do you understand me?”

He nodded slowly and sniffled. He wiped his cheeks only to receive kisses from her.

“If I hear you blaming yourself again or I even think you are I’ll go right back into a comma so that you really do have something to blame yourself for. Got it?” She threatened knowing he would see it as a joke but still understand what she meant

“I won’t baby. I promise.” He kissed her tenderly a moment before realizing she was in his lap. “What are you doing out of bed?”

“Comforting my husband.” She smiled softly and ran a hand through his hair. “I love you, Ryan. No matter what happens we can get through it as long as we are together.”

“We’ll always be together, Melly. I love you so much.” He kissed her again before gently setting her back into the bed. “If I’m not going to blame myself anymore you have to promise to do everything you can to get better.”

“I promise.”



The cold steel pressed against the inside of Melanie uncomfortably, painfully even. She squeezed Ryan’s hand where it was pulled tight against her belly. She held her eyes closed tight, trying to ignore the pain and the woman who was between her legs, pushing her body apart in ways she’d never felt before.

“And I thought a PAP test was bad.” She thought unhappily as a tool connected with her sensitive flesh.

“How much longer?” Ryan’s anxious voice crept into her ears. “You’re hurting her.”

“Just another minute, Mr. Gordon.” The doctor replied calmly through the paper over her face.

Melanie squeezed his hand as she met his eyes. She offered a weak smile, “Gives me an idea of what child birth will be like someday.”

He smiled softly, eyes sad. “I am going to make sure you’re on lots of pain medication. I don’t know how I’m going to stay calm seeing you like that…”

“I forget you know what it’s like. Seeing your sister go through it and every thing.” She winked. “Guess you know what works, what doesn’t and what to and not to do.”

“That’s true. Like for instance, not to ask ‘oh my gosh! Are you okay?”

They laughed at that, both picturing the look on his sisters face as one of pure hate and annoyance.

“If she could’ve she would’ve punched me so hard. Probably would’ve broken my nose or something.”

“I bet she would have. Jackie’s one tough girl.”

Melanie glanced down and was surprised to see the doctor standing and that she felt no pain or anything inside her only the normal feelings.

“All done.” The doctor said melodically as she pulled her gloves off and tossed them in the can on the cart she had been using. She reached up and took off the mask.

“Of course, take it easy. I would say no sexual intercourse for a couple days to give your body some time to adjust and every thing. When you two are intimate, you must stop at any discomfort. If not, you could start bleeding, get a tear, or even an infection. The inside of your vagina is very sensitive right now.” She paused and wrote something on a small notepad in her pocket. “This is to help regulate your periods and such now. The nurse at the front desk will fill the prescription and explain matters to you as well as answer any questions you might have.”

Ryan took the paper and thanked the doctor who made her way out silently wheeling the cart. As soon as the OBGYN was gone, Doctor Walker pranced in humming and smiling.

“Good afternoon all. I’m just going to give you a quick checkup, Melanie, and you’ll be free to go home.”

“Really?”

“Yes, ma’am.” She pulled the blanket to the end of the bed before looking at Ryan. “Mr. Gordon, would you mind fetching a wheelchair for your wife? She may have trouble walking and I would really prefer her to make it out of here today.”

“Sure. Can I get this filled for Melly or does she need to be there?”

Walker checked over the prescription before handing it back. “You should be able to do it. If there are any problems, have the nurse call me or the OBGYN.”

When Ryan had left the room, the Doctor pulled up a chair and removed her glasses calmly.

“What about the exam?” Melanie asked confused.

“I just used that as an excuse to see how you’re doing.” Then she added softly, “With the loss of the baby.”

“Oh…that.” Her heart ached and she allowed no tears to appear. A quote from her high school years came floating through her head, fake it until you can make it. That’s exactly what she had been doing. Shed put a smile on and pretended everything was alright just to make it all easier for Ryan. He didn’t need to bear something like this.

“It’s…hard. But we can have more. We’re both young and healthy. In love and devoted to the idea of having children…”

“Which is a very good thing. I’ve seen a lot of young couples like you and Ryan break up over these things, or something terrible happens. I don’t want to see that happen to you two.”

“It won’t.”


When Ryan came back, Melanie was alone and slipping into the pair of sweats he had brought in for her to wear. As always, he loved the way she looked in his clothes and today was no exception. She rolled the waist band down several times until it fit her waist better.

“Here’s your wheelchair and I picked up your prescription.” Ryan said as he moved anxiously towards her, arms outstretched and ready to catch her if she fell.

It was the first time he’d seen her out of bed for a reason other than medical. He was afraid she’d crumple over any minute.

“I’m so ready to be home.”

“I can imagine, baby.”

On their way out, everyone bid them farewells and well wishes. Hugs and kisses were plentiful and they all prayed the next time they saw the Gordon’s would be when Melanie was in labor.