autumn

CHAPTER NEXT

The wind is setting in and the end of tourist season is creeping up, the water is still warm but the windy breeze at night increases as it shakes our tent through the night, the howling wind is even stronger from the tops of the mountains.
Watching the sun set has become a nightsly ritual as Sam insists we find a good place to watch it every night.
Tonight we spend it in a small cave over looking the water. The oranges light up the sky and the sun slowly moves its way across the sky and sets into the water, the yellows soon turn to purples and blues and the night stars fill up the sky.
Many people here have theories about life, one I found interesting about a man who made human dna with his hands and came from another planet, returened many years later and continued to change human dna once again.

“Sam Will you please get me a drink?”
“Get one yourself,”
he gets up out of the tent without me to go to the beach early in the morning.
“I can’t get out of bed, I’m to hung over, please get me water!”
I hear his foot steps disappear and he doesn’t return with my water.
I close my eyes for about an hour and the heat has made my entire body break into an uncomfortable sweat, my pajamas feel dirty and warn and my body feels sore and aweful.
Ive never felt so uncomfortable in my life. Thirst has slowly driven me mad and I make my way out of the tent to buy a bottle of water.
When I walk I notice an uncomfortable feeling down below and my chest seems unusual sore.
I feel more then hungover I think there is something really wrong.
Sam finally makes his way back to the tent.
“Hey Sam, I think I need to goto a dr.”
“Why? Whats wrong?”
“I’m not sure, I just don’t feel right, I only had a couple glasses of wine last night but my whole body feels destroyed”
Sam looks up from his journal I can tell he’s been writing all day.
“You just need something to eat Chris, that will make you feel better”
My eyes start to tear up,
“I can’t eat Sam everything makes me feel sick, I hate the food here, you know that”
“Fine! I think I saw a sign down the street for a dr, lets go”
I throw some clothes on and wash my face off in the bathroom.
By now I have an incredible pain in my stomach and the walk to the dr. seems extrmly tiering.
We walk up to a sign with a snake and cross and I agree it looks like a medical symbol. I walk up to the desk and tell the lady I would like to see a dr, in the best greek I can think of.
Sam helps with his translation book.
We wait a few minutes and a dr. that speaks little to no English takes me to a room.
He feels my temperature checks a few things then asks for a urine sample.
I agree and pay ten euros for the sample.
He then asks for a blood sample I walk back up to the desk and pay about 15 euros for a a blood sample.
Sam and I sit in wait in the hall trying to figure out what is wrong with me, he talks quickly back and forth to the other nurses and seems quite distressed my heart is racing and sam has left a few times to drink some oozo he has stored in a water bottle.
His eyes are distant and focusing on nothing as far as I can tell, hes probably looking to that other world he always talks about.

The dr, finally calls us back into the room, and shows me some of my blood work, a few words pop up that I understand, like Anemic and Lymphatic and Mononucleouses, We look over the chart and see all of my levels are out of whack, probably a little help from the hangover and the dr. makes me drink a lot of water.
Next he places me on an examining table and hooks up the ultra sound, he places the jelly and a cold device on my stomach and points to a screen, my blood feels like it’s boiling.
I’m pregnant.

The room goes incredibly silent as Sam and I stare puzzled at the screen, the dr. points to a tiny little circle which he explains as my child. Already almost a month old.
He listins for the heart beat but tells me its very weak.

I pay for the ultra sound test and notice my money is strarting to deplete rather quick to our daly budget.

Sam still says nothing and my heart has started to race and my anxiety rises.
I always felt finding out you were pregnant would be more happy then this but I feel like I could break down in tears at any second.

“That’s a baby allright”
Sam says to me a little drunk from the sun and oozo.
“At least you know why you felt so sick”
“Yeah”
I say a little disappointed.
I open a letter from the dr. with names and places I should go.
“What do you tnink all this means Sam?”
the writing is in greek, but we find a prescription, I get it filled and it seems to be a pain medication.
The other piece of paper he gives me is to a clinic on another island.
“Do you think we should go there?”
“Yes but I don’t want you to have an abortion”
“What do you mean?”
“I think that’s the clinic he wants you to go to”
“I don’t know maybe it’s just to check things over. We shuld go he called them and everything”
“Fine”
Sam looks a little upset and lost for words.
We go to our campsite and pack up then head to Santorini.
“I’m sure it will be nice there anywyas we can stay a few days”
We once again place our heavy back packs on and instead of walking to the ferry we decided to get a taxi in my new delicate condition.
We read the ferry map and Satorini seems to be only an hour away. So we buy our tickets and sit on he crouded smoke filled ferry.
We arrive in santorini and instead of camping we take a taxi to the nearest hotel and decide to spend the night in a comfortable air conditioned room, with two beds.

Our dinner that night fills us up, I order as much meat off the menu I can but the forun food still feels funny in my stomach.
I find the only thing that settles it is fresh yogurt.

The next day we go to the clinc and once again strange drs. Examine my vagina and set up the ultra sound. Sure enough they recommend and abortion and they can do it right there.
Sam gets upset and we decide to leave,
“I don’t even know how safe it is here to get an abortion”
“I’m sure it’s not as good as back home, you should just wait, you never know”
we make the decision to just wait.
And we walk thrugh the town and admire all the hand made jewellery in the nice stores. Sam finds a few sculpture stores and I find a place that makes really neat purses and spend a bit of money on myself to hopefully cheer up.

We make our way to a huge platform to sunbathe and jump into the water.
A few days pass and I get my energy back up until we are ready to explore more beaches and we find a deliocios restaurant that makes entirely vegan food and it’s filled with travelers from around the world.
“I think I’m ready to go home Sam”
“But we haven’t even found sand stone yet, or met and carvers, or gone to Crete!”
he seems excited about these things a little more then I am at the point and we argue for hours until we agree to get back to Athens to fly home.

The ferry ride back is long and we stay in the bottom of the boat on comfy seats and set up our blakets for the night.
My sleep is interoupted by people all around us moving around and talking. I can’t wait ot get back home.

When we arrive in Athens we figure out which bus that will take us back to the airport, and stand in the terminal.
“Which air line should we go with?”
we look around for air Canada and other popular fllghts weve heard of but mostly are Amercian.
We look at the flights and realize there are none directly to Canada.
“Well I geuss we culd fly to the states, then get a flight to Canada when we get there”
we look at prices but all are over whelming.
“Chirs, you know I can’t fly through the states”
Sam points out a good fact.
“Oh yeah,. Your warrant”
“Yeah, if I go through the states, I’ll be put right in jail”
“I can’t believe you didn’t think of checking your pockets”
On a trip he made back from austraillia a few years back Sam had got caught with different amounts and tyoes of drugs on his person apparently given to hin from friends as a good bye present, being still drunk when he made the flight home, the stop in customs through the states gave him some kind of criminal record and the agreement he was never aloud to travel through the states again.
“Well that makes going home a little difficult unless you have four thousand dollars we can take a business class flight”
I go on the internet to check my bank funds and in total it’s only about two thousand dollars.
“Well I can get a job at the university in Crete, or somewhere, then I can make us enough money to fly home, and were not done yet, we haven’t been away long enough”
Sam makes a good point, weve already made it this far and to go back now seems so disappointing.
“Well what do you want to do Sam?”
“Lets rent a car and goto Crete”
“Fine”
I say
“I’ll just go along with what ever you want to do, I don’t care anymore”
We get back on the ferry and sale south down the meditreanan towards the island of Crete.

NEXT CHAPTER

The first stop we make is in Iraklio, we drive our car down to the first beach we can find and shower off, I buy a one piece bathing suit as I notice my stomach isn’t as nice and flat as it used to be, I admire other swimmers in the nude as they look so comfortable.

I h old my stomach as I swim in the ocean and feel the calming waves are connecting me with my womb.
I feel the small child already stealing me of my nutrience and start eating as much yogurt with fruit as I can to stop the sick feeling I have.

I think about Cappy back home and hope hes doing ok with my family. I feel like I already failed at taking care of one responsibility.

Sam sits on the beach and finds a nice piece of sandstone he carves into the name of the beach and sells it to a tourist for five euros.
I can tell he feels proud but I really wish he had more money.

“Where are we going now Sam?”
he pulls out another one of his many maps and points to a bunch of lines he has already drawn out,
“Were going on a tour of the island and stopping at every beach on the way.”
He smiles and gives me a hug,
“We can make love in the cave over there,”
He points to a rocky cave shaded away from tourists.
“Bob Dylan used to stay here, he wrote about it”
“Really?”
I exclaim a little excited.
“yeah, lets go take a wak”
we walk to the cave and play on the rocks we use our newly bought snorkal gear to explore the reef and lay in the majestic cave until the sun sets.

Our little white car that we rented has enough space in the back that we can pull it out and make a comfy bed, we drive it through what looks to be the olderst places in the world, up rocky mountains through out of the way small villages we even pass through famous grave sites, and learn a little more about the history.

We but lots of fresh bread and a small propain cooker and decide it will be cheaper to make our own food for a little while.

“Chris, we should go back to Iraklio I think we can find jobs there. I know theres this one place that has a sea turfle refuge, we can volunteer and they will pay for our food.”
“OK”
we drive to the turtle refuge and meet a bunch of back packers, but my heart sinks when I think of living in a tent for who knows how long as my stomach continues to grow.

“ I don’t k now Sam I think I’d rather work somewhere that pays money”
“Well I told you we can go to the university and I can get a job in research, I used to work in labs in Austraila with a famour dr, who studied diabetes in mice”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, once they read some of my journals I bet I’ll get a job, plus I’m ready to work again in the medical field, I will support you, and we can have a baby.”
He places his hand on my stomach for the first time.
“Hello baby”
I smile at Sam and give him a kiss.
“Lets drive to the university”
he gets out his map which has the university marked on it and we drive to the empty campus.
“I guess school starts any day know”
we see a few students around and Sam makes friends with a young guy who speaks English as well as he does greek, we eat lunch with the guy and he writes out a list of things that helps us out, he even calls a couple apartments in the area for us and shows Sam where the university labs are.
Sam spends a couple hours talking to one of the teachers and I walk around the school, stray dogs seem to be everywhere and I make friends with a couple until Sam returns.

“I got a number for a lady I have to call tomorrow, they said they are looking for some volunteers to work in the lab, and then it can lead into a full time job, I’d just have to write a paper”
“Reallly?
I raise my eyebrows a bit in suspicion
“What about visas don’t you need some kind of visa to work here?”
“No, they take lots of international people to work”
he says
“Cool that sounds good”
we drop our rental car off, and I pay about 300 euros for it, which makes my credit card almost maxed out, and we look for an aparentment
we find a nice one just minutes from the beach and I pay another 300 euros for the month.
We unpack our things and retire our tent and propaine cooker. We walk to a grocery store and cook up a delicious meal with tones of veggies.

“Chis I’m going to spend the day at the university talking to some people, I’ll be home later”
He gives me a kiss on the head and leaves me alone for the day in our new place.
The university is two busses away and I feel completely lost without Sam.
I spend the day picking pomegrants, and snorkeling In the beach.

Sam finally gets home around six with dinner.
“I got the job”
“Good! How much will you make?”
“Well it’s only volunteer for now, until I write a paper”
“What is the paper on?”
“Just a statement of what I want to accomplish in the science field”
“that sounds easy, you are always writing”
“Yeah, about that, I’m going to be using the school library all week to write it.
“Oh ok”
Sam opens a bottle of wine and drinks it to himself and we go to the roof of our building to watch the sun set. Sam stares at the sun directly in order to soak in all the light.

Weeks pass and Sam leaves every day to the university working at an abortion lab, trying to figure out about the connections between spontaneous miscarges.
“So you look at aborted fetuses all day?”
“Yes, it’s pretty weird”
I feel my stomach and Sam contuues to call my womb frank.
“I don’t know if I can keep this baby Sam, my parents would kill me”
“You parents would be happy! Babies bring joy to peoples lives”
“Yeah but I don’t know, I haven’t talked to them in months and to just show up pregnant I can’t do that. Plus I’m in my cousins wedding party in a few months, I can’t fit into a dress with a pregnant stomach, I wouldn’t be able to face my family they would never talk to me again”
“I think you are over reacting,. I don’t want you to go through an abortion, they aren’t safe plus I will take care of you”
“you are never here! I spend the entire day alone painting butteflies”
I show him some of the water colour butterflies I’ve been obsessed with painting all day.
“I’m thinking I can turn them into gift cards and make some money”
“Don’t worry I’ll make lots of money soon”
“Oh yeah? When, and are you going to pay me back all of the money I have spent on this stupid trip?”
My eyes start to water and I throw a glass of water at a wall and it shatters into a million pieces.
“it’s not my fault Chris, you are the one that didn’t take your birth control”
“That’s not fair, I can’t believe you. As soon as I go home I’m having an abortion I don’t care what you think”
“What are you going to go home to be the little bitch that you are?”
“What?!”
“All you do is bitch and complain, you can’t do anything for yourself”
My face tenes up and the anger I feel inside is revolting I go to bed, and pull my bed as far apart from Sams as I can.
A couple more weeks pass and our conversation is limited.

“I got some money from my dad Chris”
Sam walks in at about ten, drunk once again.
“Where were you?”
“just out with some friends from the school”
“Oh, how much did your dad give you?”
“He gave me enough”
“Enough so I can fly home?”
“No enough that I can get my own place, while you stay here and mellow out.”
“Are you fucking serious?”
unable to control my emotions I grab a sculpture of two naked people sam has eben working on for weeks and throw it out the window, as well as his journals.
“You are the worst thing that has ever happened to me Sam. I hope we never talk again, the next time I will talk to you is to say how I murdered your good for nothing child”

He storms out more angry then I have ever seen him, I can tell by rigid movemnts in his body, he arms look like they are ready to strangle me, and I try to lock my self in the washroom.
He returns an hour later more drunk, and I try to appolgize, but he doesn’t say a single word. Instead he packs all of his things into his back pack and walks a few blocks down the street as I follow close behind.
“Where are you going?”
I yell
“Away from you”
“You can’t you owe me money”
he gets a key out of his pocket and opens a door to small one room apartment.
I walk inside but he still says nothing.
“Are you serious? All of the money your dad gave you, you use it to get your own place and leave me over there by myelf?”
“It will be better this way, please leave now”
My eyes start to tear and I have never felt so betrayed in my life.
I head back to my apartment and slowly pack all my things, unsure of what to do.

A few days pass and Sam slips a couple notes under my door, in strange poetry about how we will grow “apart”

I rip them up and leave a note telling him I’m leaving, I wait for him to come say good bye but he never shows.
I walk to his house, but he is never there.

I finally gather my thoughts and throw all my things back into my back pack and head to the bus station. When I get there I feel completely al;one and lost, I spend three hours trying to find my way to an airport but once I get there I realize it only has local flights around Greece.
I get back on the bus and get on the ferry, for a day trip back to Athens.

I feel my heart sink in my stomach as I now spend the journey home alone, when weeks earlier we were two lovers escaping the world together cuddling on a chair to small for one person.
I cry the entire night and awake in the terminal in Athens.
Once again I check the flight schedules and still there are no flights to Canada.
I walk up to a teller and ask what my best route to get home is
“You have to fly to Englad first, that’s your best bet, or business class but that’s quite expensive, to book a flight thogh, go on the internet expedia is a good site, you can buy your ticket on line, it’s much cheaper.

I walk to a computer and check my email, thinking there might be something from Sam, but there is nothing.
I open a letter from Lindsay, and then see she is on MSN.
“Lindsay!”
“Chris!”
“It’s been a while, how are you?”
“Im good, I’ve been so worried about you Chris, no one has heard from you in a month! How is Greece?”
“It’s ok”
“Are you having the best time of your life?”
My eyes tear up and I break down to tell Lindsay everything.
“I’m pregnant”
there is a pause on the screen for a few moments.
Lindsay strats to write something but stops. Then starts again.
“Are you serious?”
“Yes, I’m not keeping it though”
“Oh my god, chirs I’m so sorry. Is Sam ok with that?”
“No, he freaked out, so I left him”
“Are you Ok?! What are you going to do?”
“I’m not sure I’m at the airport right now, but flights home are so expensive”
“Do you need money?”
“well kind of, I don’t want to ask my parents, they already gave me a lot before I left”
“I can send you money right now by internet transfer”
“Ok! Like we did before for our birthdays?”
“Yeah! You just have to open your email and type in the password, how much do you need?”
“Anything would help. I can get a flight to England for 200 euros then a flight home should be much more then that”
“Ok I’ll send you six hundred dollars, is that enough?”
“Yeah! Thank you so much Lindsay, I will pay you back as soon as I get home, I can ask my parents then”
“Ok Chris, I just hope you are ok!”
“I know, I’ll be fine, I just can’t wait to get home”

I recive the money from Lindsay and find the cheapest flight to England I can I buy it with my visa, but don’t realize the soonest cheapest flight isn’t for another three days.

It doesn’t bother me though, I’ll have a few days left to get a tan and be on my way home as soon as I can.
I leave the airport to find a cheap palce to stay but worry about getting lost and instead get a good dinner and head back to the airport. I spend the night sleeping on an uncomfortable chair with my poncho and watch the travelers stream in and out.
At one point the airport is filled with people in the special Olympics, ive never seen so many wheel chairs in my life.
I get out of the way and hang out it arrivals for a while and buy a few books from the book store, before I know it Ive spent two days napping in the air port and reading.
I go to buy another book and a chocolate bar.
“You’ve been here for a while?”
“What?”
“Ive seen you here for a few days, are things ok?”
the lady at the counter looks about my age, and I realize she does look quite familiar, I usually read right across from the store so she must have been watching me for a couple days.
“Yeah, I just have to wait ten more hours for my flight, I couldn’t get one directly home”
“That’s too bad, Ive never seen someone stay here so long though! You must be bored!”
“Yeah, I guess so”
I hold up the book to show her how right she is.
And make my way back up to departures, it seems like the air port has finally decongested from the Olympics. I nap for a few more hourse and check my e mail constantly hoping Sam will ask me to come back.

I depressingly board the plain to englad and sleep the entire flight. When I arrive in the crowed London airport I notice there are many flights to Canada and I feel happy.
So happy that I decide to hop on the London Tube and do a little exploring, I end up at a trainstation and for some reason board the train to Brighton, remembering what the girk said to me on my surfing trip. I get to the beach in Brighton a little upset to find it encribly cold and windy. I give up my surfing Idea and order fish and chips and sit alone on a peer watching the windy waves crash into the beach.
I notice there are tones of help wanted signs in brighton and print out a few resumes and walk around, I decide to get in a taxi and spend the night at a hostel.
The old fashioned cab drives me quite a way out of town and leaves me at a hostel. It has started to rain so I put on my poncho. I ring a buzzer.
“Hello I’d like a room for the night”
“Sorry were full”
“Just for one room?”
“Yes sorry were full good night”
“No wait, where else can I stay?”
“Well theres a few hotels down the street, no more hostels though”
“Ok thanks”
I step back out in the rain and let my hair down, I can feel it’s started to dread and half of my braids are still stuck in my hair.

I walk down the street and raise my hand to hail down another cab but none stop, but now they have filled up with partiers heading in all different directions. I walk into a nice looking hotel to see if they have a room.

I walk up to the counter and a well dressed man looks me up and down.
“Do you have any rooms for the night?”
“No sorry were full”
”Every room?”
“yes sorry”
“Ok”
I put my poncho hood back up, I must look like a wreck I haven’t showered in days.

I walk down the street furthur but see no more hotel rooms, I decide to sleep behind a bush that is sheltered by the rain, but the street seems unsafece people are walking around and bums seem to be collecting around me, I walk down the street further to find somewhere a little more secluded, I walk to a nice park and sit on a benc, it feels like it’s the middle of the night, I’m so tiered and drained I close my eyes.
“Excuse me miss”
I open my eyes up a bit started and another homelsee man has sat beside me.
“Are you alone?”
“Yeah”
“It’s not safe out here for a young girl like you, don’t you have anywhere to stay?”
“No, everything is full”
“if you come with me I can show you a safe place”
I suddenly feel uncomfortable with this strange older man and hold my pocket knife tightly in my hand.
“It’s ok I’m fine here”
But he persists.
“Ive never kissed a gild with one of those things on her face, did it hurt?”
I guess he’s talking abut my lip ring. I try to ignore his comment but his questions start to make me nervouse and he won’t stop.
“let me walk you to a hotel, its to wet outside for you”
:It’s ok really”
I get up to walk away but the strange man starts to follow me.
“Where are you from?”
he asks.
“Canada”
“And you came here all alone?”
“Well I was with my boyfriend but I left him in Greece”
“Why in Greece he asks”
“Because I’m pregnany”
“Oh I see.”
I roll my eyes a bit and try to walk further away.
“Do you have any spare change you can give me?”
“No sorry”
“What about food?”
I start crossing the street and head back to the hotel. I sit on the curb outside the brightly lit building. And hand the bumb a book.
“That’s all I have”
he opens the book.
“Wow, no one has givin me a book before, I haven’t read in years”
“Good, you should go read it”
“I’d like to stay with you, I can keep you safe”
I get up to walk inside the hotel once again.
“Are you sure you don’t have any rooms? I’ll pay anything!”
The man at the counter shews me away, and the bumb fallows me in.
“Don’t you have a room for us”
the bum asks.
I feel embarssed and try to hail down another cab but still no luck.
“Please leave me alone, I need to get some sleep”
“It’s not safe out here for you all alone trust me!”
“Fine!”
I get up again and run into the hotel crying.
“Please give me a room, this man won’t stop following me and a cab wont pick me up!”
The man at the desks gives me a puzzled look.
“Can I at least use a phone to call a cab to another hotel?”
He calls a few cab companies.
“there all booked up”
I start balling and the bum returns back inside.
“LEAVE ME ALONE!”
I scream to the strange bum.
The man at the desk escorts the bum back out side and he yells out at me.
“I’m sorry I thought you were with him”
“No!”
The man at the desk looks in the computer again.
“ I might have a double room available, I can just charge you for a single?”
My eyes stop to tear, and I give the man a smile.
“Really?”
“Yes sure, whats your name’
“I open my purse and hand him my credit card and drivers license.
“I’m sorry I thought you were one of those homeless people, theyre always hanguing out around here, not to safe at night”
“I know I realize that now. But everyting was all booked up”
He hands me a key to my room and offers me some food and a drink before I go to bed.
As soon as I get to my room I have the longest hottest batch Ive had in months and turn on the TV.
This feels better I think to myself.



NEXT Chapter.
I hear loud knocing my door and my heart races, I hope it’s not the homelss man again, instead it’s the house keeper.
“I need to clean this room soon, when are you checking out”
I look at my watch and can’t belive it’s almost noon.
“I’m just getting ready to leave”
Quickly I gather my things and change into something a little nicer and head back to the air port, I book my flight home for the next morning and spend the night sleeping in the air port once again.

My flight arrives in Toronto on time and I slowly adjust to the time change.
The airport is clean, and quiet unlike the Athens airport. I stand at a pay phone for a few minutes before decided to call my dad to pick me up.

The phone rings a few times before my mom picks up.
“Hello?”
“Hi mom”
“Chirs?”
“Yep! Hows it going?”
“Good ! it’s good to hear your voice! How are you and Sam?”
“Ok “
I say realizing she has no idea I am home.
“It’s really nice out here today, the sun is finally shining after all the rain weve been getting.”
“I know I see that”
“Yeah, it’s nice”
“Looks like it’s going to be pretty hot out!”
“Where are you?”
she exclaims a little late.
“I’m in Toronto at the air port!”
“Oh my goodness, I wondered how you knew it was nice out!”
“I guess I need dad to pick me up, is he home?”
my mom starts laughing.
And I can hear her yelling at my dad in the backround.
“We’ll be there soon!”
“Ok mom, see you soon!”
I hang up the phone feeling so relieved
I wait outside until I see the red sunfire pull up, my mom dad and Rocky are all there to greet me.
My dad grabs my bags and I hop in the back seat.
“We didn’t knw you were coming home!”
“I know, neither did I!”
my parents look at me funny.
“so where is Sam”
I don’t say anything for a minute.
“ I think we had enough of eachoter for now!”
I say and laugh a bit to myself.
“Well you guys spent a lot of time togther, it’s enough to drive anyone apart”
my dad says to me.
“I guess so, and it was just the two of us to. I miss my friends!”
I say and my voice starts to shake a bit.
We get home and my brother runs to greet me, and can’t stop talking about how fun his summer was, and I hear all about the events I missed including my whole family getting kicked out of the Van Morrison concert.
I see my granny is still visiting from England and we talk a bit about Brighton, and she helps me take the rest of the braids out of my hair.
I drive up to the store to develop my picurese and tell my family almost all the details of my trip.

“So what are you going to do now?”
my mom asks.
“I don’t know get a job in the mall or something take it easy for a while!”
“That’s not a bad plan”
my mom aggress. With me finally.
I go to my room and see it’s exactly how I left it.
It feels comforting and inviting. I change into some nice clothes and give some of my old friends a call starting with Brianne.

“Walley!!!”
“Hey B! how are you?”
“Good I missed you I am so glad you are home! I got your email!”
“I’m glad to be home too!”
”So how was Greece and Sam?”
“Well Sam and I broke up, but Greece was fun, there are so many beaches there!”
“ I bet you have a nice tan.”
“Yeah it’s not bad! Hey listen B I need to ask you a favour.”
“Sure what is it?”
“Remember that time you took your friend to get an abortion in Toronto?”
“Yeah why?”
“I need to know how to get there”
“Oh no, your not…”
“Yeah I am”
“Oh Chris!”
“Yeah it sucks, I found out about a month ago, so I should probably go soon!”
“Don;’t worry I’ll take you, it will be ok. Actually I’ve taken quite a few people now!”
Brianne laughs a bit and makes the situation feel a bit lighter.
“Thanks B, I’ll call you back once I find out more info”
“Ok Crhis, so glad your back ! Mwah!”
“Ok talk to you soon”

pick up the phone and nervously wait on hold for a bit to make the appointent
The soonest I get is in about two weeks, but it seems easy enough just don’t eat the night before.
I call back b and make arrangements and in the mean time I find a job working full time in the mall at a coffee store called MMMarvelous muffins.
My first paycheck is small, but I make enough to pay back Lindsay and get back on top of my credit card payments.

The job is easy and I spend my time talking to Kim the owners daughter about life and all sorts of things, the owner is a wood carver and we get along well and show eachther carvings we are working on.
Finally the day arrives and I email sam to tell him I’m having an abortion but still I get no reply.
The drive to the clinic is ackward but B tries to cheer me up. It feels good spending time with her anyways.

We walk into the building and I fill out a few forms, still undecided if it’s the right decision. I feel my stomach once more, the baby must be at least three months by now, and I feel we are starting to conncect.

The thought sends shivers through my spine, but the nurse gives me a few different medications and my anxiety melts away.
I stare at the ultra sound screen and the dr also takes a blood sample to find out that I am Rh positive, which might have been what the dr. was trying to tell me in Greece.
The baby looks like a baby now, I was still hoping it would look like a tiny dot. I look a way quickly but it’s image becomes imprinted in my mind, I sware I could even see fingers.

The procedure is quick and less painful that I had worried about, and the return of my period makes me feel incredibly relieved.

We leave the clinic and eat some lunch. I return home, and to work without telling anyone about what had just done.

Working in the mall starts to drain me as I bump into friends I haven’t seen for a while.
Oliver a guy I went to school with walks by.
“I guess that jewellery school didn’t work out to good for you?”
I just give him a glance as if to say, my your own business and he walks away.

“Hey monkey!”
I look up from making a new pot of coffee to see Mickey.
“HI mick”
I freeze just staring at him, his hair is long and his beard has grown all shaggy, but he still dresses exactly the same, punk shirts and skater jeans.
“I heard you were back, but I didn’t think you really were!”
“Yeah, Ive been home for a month or so”
“Just working here?”
“Yeah for now, just trying to save a bit of money”
“Why where are you going next?”
“Oh I don’t know, back to school or out west, I’m not sure”
“Well we should hang out soon!”
“Ok,. You know where I live drop by sometime. What about you? Are you still at home?”
“Yeah for now, Brianne and I are moving out together in a couple months thugh”
“Oh cool”
I look away to stop the conversation.
“Well I’ll see you later Chris”
“Alright Bye Mick”

he walks away and I feel a strange happieness over come me. He seemed truly excited to see me.
I finish my work and take the bus home.

A few hours of lazing around my house I hear a knock at the door.
I open it to see Mickey
“Hey monkey”
He gives me a big hig.
“What are you doing tonight?”
“Ah. Nothing I think”
“Want to hang out?”
“Sure I guess”
“Alright come with me, I’m going help my friend record a band downtown”
“OK”
he looks good, more skater then I remember and the long hair looks so different on him, he also looks slim like he’s been working out, I don’t remmber ever feeling this attracted to him before, and find I can’t take my eyes off of him.
We spend a few hours together at his friends house and they film there friends band playing a few songs, I feel like we culd be good friends finally.
“Do you want to go get a drink with me?”
“Sure! Actually that sounds like fun.”
We walk down to fitzys and before we know it the evening has started and everyone is out having a good time.
“Here Chris, take one of these”
“What is it?”
“It’s E”
“Oh”
“Have you done it before?”
“No not really”
he hands me his beer, and puts the pill on my toungue,
“swallow!”
I trustingly take the pill and we continue to drink and party until the bar closes.
“Come with me Chris”
“Don’t you have to go home mick? Won’t Amanda wonder where you are?”
“It’s ok, she’s being a bitch lately,”
“Oh”
Mickey grabs my hand and we walk to the top of a building one of his friends lives in, and we stay up all night talking.
“Chris, I think I might be going to hell..”
“Why Mick? What did you do?”
“Well I don’t want to tell anyone, but a few months ago I took Amanda to get an abortion”
“Are you kidding?”
“No, it was aweful, I don’t think there is anything worse you could do”
“You know what, that’s really weird, I just had one a few weeks ago”
Mickey gives me a big hug and his emotions start pouring out.
“ Ican’t belive you were gone for so long, I didn’t think you would come back”
“I know I didn’t think I would come back either”
“You cant leave me here ever again, do you understand?”
“I feel puzzled mick”
He gives me a kiss on my lips and I close my eyes, I breath in the scent of his swiss army cologn, and things feel to familiar.
“I should go”
“No stay at my house tonight”
“No Mick, I need to go”
“Alright”
he brushes my hair out of my eyes, and drunkingly drives me home.
“Bye Monkey, I’ll visit you at work tomorrow”
“Ok bye Mick”
I walk inside and can’t believe nothing has changed between us. I try to fall asleep but give up and go on my computer.

NEXT CHAPTER

“Dear Chris, I can’t put enough words in this email to express how sorry I am, I never wanted things to end like that between us, and I know it was mostly my fault.
This place isn’t the same without you, and I’d do anything to feel your warm embrace again.
Love always
S”

My heart jumps into my throat a bit, and I write back a sappy email about how he broke my heart, and the next day I mail him a package filled with socks shirst and a large contarier of peanut butter.

A few days pass and Sam meets me on MSn every night and morning to wish me a good day, he writes me love poems and exclaims how much he needs to see me again.

“Chris, I want to come home to see you, can you lend me any money?”
“Sorry Sam, I don’t have any or I would, the best I can do is send you packages”
“I know But I’m done here, its just not the same.
“well Sam if you even get back you can come stay here if you need too”
“It’s ok, I think I’m going to move back to London with one of my friends”
“Ok”
“You should come to London with me”
“Maybe for a bit”
“Alright Chris, I will find money and I’ll see you soon”
“Ok Bye Sam”
I hang up the phone, surprised in his changed attitude.
His emails get longer and longer until finally he tells me his friends mom has lent him enough money to fly home, and he wants me to pick him up at the air port.

I grab my dads car and drive to the Toronto air port to pick him up.
I wait aroud for a bit worried he got stopped in customs.
And I see him, he’s wearing a hat so you can’t see his horrible dread mo hawak and he’s also wearing a dark blue shirt I sent to him, his eyes are gleaming, and he seems much shorter then I remember.

“Did you make it through customs allright?”
“Yep, they looked through everything I own, read my journals, and even read the letters from you, I think that’s why they let me go”
“you are lucky.. I was worried”
He gives me a hug and pats my belly.
“Do you want to come to London with me for the night?”
“Sure”
“I’m going to pay for us to stay in a hotel room, and I can give you some presents I got for you.
“Ok sounds good”
we drive for a couple hours and finally make it to London On,
We stay in a seedy motel for the night but Sam makes up for it in all the neat gifts he brought back for me.
“I’m going to stay at my friend Pauls for a bit, do you want to drop me off there?”
“Sure”
“Were going to work on developing our board game a little more”
“Oh the weed wars?”
“yeah, we have someone interested in buying it, so we have a little work left to do with the graphics”
“Ok”
I drive him to his friends house in London and they smoke a tonne of weed together and I decide it’s time to go.
I give Sam a hug and we kiss a tiny kiss to say good bye.
I drive home feeling distraut.
I don’t even know who this guy is anymore.

When I get home my parents let me know Mickey has dropped by a couple times looking for me, and Cat has called.
I pick up the phone to talk to cat, but she doesn’t answer. It feels like we have lost complete touch, and I’m not sure we will ever be friends again.

Working in the mall seems to keep my parents out of my business they seem happy I have kept a job for this time, and my credit card debt is gone and I have finally started saving again.
I call Mickey and we plan to spend the night out drinking together.
He picks me up and we head down to Fitzys.