Wifey (Chapter THREE)

I thought that I would feel guilty, but I still haven't..not at all.
I haven't always been this way. Over time so many hurts, so many disappointments, so much neglect, I began to change slowly...

The next few mornings after my leiason, I literally lept out of bed. I felt like Tony the tiger..

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

For the first time in a long long time, I was rejuventated and that night was exactly what I needed. As I slid on my heels, grabbed my purse and kissed my husband on the cheek, I glanced in the mirror ..Damn.. I was even glowing!.. shoot,I thought to myself. I need to keep this up.

As I drove to work I thought about my life, I had a beautiful home, we wasn't rich
but we were comfortable. My husband was very attractive, but something wasn't there. Something that I needed wasn't there.. I had been feeling an empty void and I was beginning to realize what I needed to fill it up.

Between my husband and I, the kissing stopped about two years ago. He told me that he didn't kiss or maybe he didn't want to. One time that I would never forget, I leaned in plant him a kiss and our lips barely touched. No passion..
He said "You know,I don't care to kiss", he looked at me puzzled.
"Don't you want to kiss your wife?"
"I told you that I don't like to kiss".
When I looked away, I could feel a warm blush come over my face. I felt hot and embarrased.

Over time, everything seemed to become an excuse not to touch me.. or love me. Sex became mechanical, I had slowly become the aggressor.
I began to feel desperate... unloved. When we made "love" he just mounted me, came and immediately got off... I didn't know what to think.. I asked him why he didn't hold me.. at the very least? He said nothing and turned over. I never said that he wasn't a good lover.. it was like he didn't care, if I got anything out of it at all..
I would get out of bed and walk into the bathroom to finish masterbating.. After a while I got very angry.. This can't be my life. This is what I have doomed myself forever? I frigid man?? I never heard of that.. So the first thing that
I thought is that he MUST BE CHEATING....

so I asked one day over breakfast...

Are you cheating? I asked..
"No".
Am I getting fat to you?
"No"
"Are you still attractive to me?"
"Yes"
Do you still love me?
"Yes"
What is wrong?
"Nothing".

It was like the more he pulled the away, the more sexually charged I became with him. Finally one day, I just gave up... I had enough.. I stopped. I was tired of being pushed away.. when all that I wanted was him.
Our sex life had become..once a week, to once a month, to months..without anything. We walked past each other like zombies.. when family came over, we put on a show that everything was great. He would jump up and help me, be so attentive. When he was never that way alone. I began to feel cheated even more. I began to get very depressed. One day, I just accepted it. The fighting was destroying our relationship, I was trying to fight for our marriage. I had failed so I stopped fighting and later I stopped begging and then...

I stopped caring.

I never noticed anyone on my ride to work, just a sea of faces. Then, I began to notice everyone... The way a female walked past me and the way her hips moved in her clothing, her smell... made me feel warm... I would watch my boss and would
fantasize about him throwing over his desk with my butt in the air..

I would imagine him asking me to come into his office, he wanted to talk to me... I walk slowly into his office, thinking that something was wrong.... my stomach becoming nervous..beginning to twist and turn..I walk through the door and
he is standing behind me.. he closes the door and asks me to sit down.

I do.

When he starts to talk to me, I first notice his eyes and the expression in them.. Damn.. he is a very handsome man. I could see how muscular he was underneath his shirt and I see him taking off his shirt..button by button slowly..when he gets
to the last button, he grins sexy almost boyishly and slides his shirt off his arms.. He stands up and walks toward me... I try to say no..but I don't. I am just in shock, but I want to see what is going to happen next.. I let him grab me by the arm, brush his warm lips across mine and spin me slowly around... 5 sec, 4 sec, 3 sec,,, 2... until I slowly and softly lean over the desk.

I hear his deep voice over my shoulder and he the light clinging of his belt buckle.... swwooooooosh.. He pulls it out of his pants and it lands on the floor.... I then hear the zip of his pants and felt one of his hands sliding down my arm until my lower back and then up my thigh.. I felt his fingers touch the fabric of my panties and with one strong tug.. he pulled them down.

Almost aggressively... masculinely.... he grabbed both sides of my hips and mounted me... I felt dizzy.. almost like I had drank cheap wine. My head was spinning but he had a rhythm.. the smell of aqua velva..and ivory soap drifted through the room...he began to move his hips faster and faster.. you could hear the slapping of his skin again mine...slap..slap....faster.... deeper.. I began to feel him move deeper inside. I felt his hand go through my hair and then pull the back of my
hair.. hard. My neck pulled back and hips hips started to grind deeper and deeper and deeper.. in circles... I closed my eyes and started to moan softly and when he hit my spot.. I yelped... like a puppy... I moaned again and opened up fully to let
him completely come in.. Then i heard a sigh.. and I felt a warm stream of liquid run down my leg.

He leaned over on my back and closed his eyes..

I rubbed my finger across my leg in to the stream and pushed one finger into my mouth.. It was quiet..and the only thing I could hear is the distance chatter of my co workers and taste the sweetness in my mouth.. The only thought that was in my
mind...

I wanna do it again.

Every car that passed me on the way home, I would look into the car to see who was driving. My mind would then break into these imaginary senarios, of being with that person and what is was like....I saw so many beautiful women.. I saw so many handsome men every color of the rainbow.

For the first time..I was blind but now I could see what was around me.

It was like my eyes were opened. I could see again...

I was healed.