A Handful Of Receipts

Her:          Is that all you’re taking?
Him:          Yeah
Her:          You can take more than that.
Him:          I know.
Her:          So why don’t you take all of your stuff? What’s your point?
Him:          No point. I have what I need, and that’s all of it.
Her:          There’s no way. You’re just being weird. And as usual you won’t say what’s going on with you. No surprise.
Him:          Sorry, but there’s nothing going on. I have my stuff.
Her:          What about your pictures that are still hanging on the wall?
Him:          What about them?
Her:          Don’t you want them for your next place?
Him:          I’ll come back for them. Okay?
Her:          I guess.
Him:          Okay then.
Her:          You have to go you know?
Him:          I know.
Her:          It’s not an option.
Him:          I know.
Her:          You had a choice and you made it.
Him:          Yeah, I guess so.
Her:          You know so. I told you I couldn’t stay with you if you didn’t want the baby. I told you if I had to do that…I told you I wouldn’t be able to live with you anymore. I told you, damn it.
Him:          I know, you told me.
Her:          So what? You didn’t believe me?
Him:          I thought you’d change your mind.
Her:          Oh I see. You didn’t take me seriously.
Him:          Yes, I did. I just thought if I got you a new stereo, or maybe if we went on a trip…
Her:          Oh that’s great. You thought if you spent money it would change the fact that I had an abortion.
Him:          No. It’s not like that. I just thought you would feel differently if time passed and maybe some things happened that made you happy. I just didn’t think you really meant it absolutely.
Her:          I meant it absolutely.
Him:          I see that.
Her:          Do you?
Him:          Yeah. Now.
Her:          Well you’re late to start believing I mean what I say.
Him:          I guess so.
Her:          You always pay for everything. You always have. But it’s not enough, you know. It’s not enough. You think a handful of receipts makes you a generous man.
Him:          Huh?
Her:          That’s what you think. You think you can buy your way out of anything.
Him:          Well, I paid for the abortion didn’t I?
Her:          Yes, you did, you selfish son of a bitch.
Him:          Look, don’t get mad. I just wasn’t ready to be a father yet.
Her:          Well sometimes in life you have to just step up to the plate. Things happen. And you had something to do with it, as I recall.
Him:          I know.
Her:          Oh wait a minute. I get it.
Him:          What do you get? What?
Her:          You think I’ll get over this and you can come back. That’s why you’re not taking all your stuff.
Him:          Well, it’s possible, isn’t it?
Her:          No. It is not possible. I can’t believe you.
Him:          Look, I just can’t give up on us that easy. I still believe.
Her:          I told you, if I had to have an abortion I wouldn’t be able to live with you anymore. What part of that did you not understand?
Him:          I don’t understand the finality of it, that’s all. I mean, there could be a right time, another time when a baby would work, but I just…
Her:          You just don’t get it. I thought about my options. I thought about having the baby without you. But then I thought about what it was like for me when I was growing up, not being wanted, being a mistake, and my father blaming my being born for all his troubles in life. I thought about that, and I decided not to bring an unwanted baby into this world, no matter how much I wanted it. I decided a baby needs to have two parents that want it. Was that wrong? I think I made a mistake.
Him:          I think that was a good decision on your part.
Her:          You don’t understand. Actually doing it, you know, when it came right down to it, and I was standing there in that white robe, waiting in line at the clinic, with those other women, I felt so alone. And I felt my baby inside me, alive, a real person, a person whose life was being ripped away. So I went into the room and they put me up on the table, and they hooked up their machine. And then they all left, and they turned that machine on, and I just wanted to scream and jump down off the table. A part of me was screaming inside, but I laid there and let it happen, and now my baby is gone. And you don’t get it. You don’t get what that cost me, and…
Him:          I would have been there with you, really I would have. If you had let me I would have.
Her:          And now there’s this empty place inside me where the baby used to be, and it can never be filled. Do you see? It can never be filled again.
Him:          But I still love you. I’m still your friend, and I want to help you get through this, if you would just let me. Just give me a chance.
Her:          The empty place is too big. There’s nothing you can do to change it.
Him:          Nothing? Are you sure there’s really nothing?
Her:          There’s been a death. There’s a dead place between us now. It can’t work any more.
Him:          Well I said I would leave and I will. But if you change your mind…
Her:          Yeah right.
Him:          Right. Just call me.
Her:          Right.