Politically Incorrect

“Okay Jesus, what do you want for your birthday?”

“Well…now that you ask…how about a clown?”

“A clown? What kind of clown? Do you mean like the ones that climbed out of that wooden camel back when the circus passed though Bethlehem? That was pretty God Damn funny.”

“Watch your language in there!”

“Yes Dear! So, what kind of clown are we talking about here?”

“I don’t know, maybe a fat one. I think fat people are funny.”

“Heh, heh, I have to agree with you on that one. Fat people are kind of funny, especially when they go jogging.”

“And I want him to be dressed in something brightly colored. Everything here is so, you know, dirt-like.”

“Suppose I put him in a blue outfit? No wait. I have a better idea; a red outfit with white trim. How does that sound.”

“I like that Dad; very creative.”

“Why do you think they call me The Creator? Heh heh ha ha ho ho ho.”

“Wait! Do that again.”

“You mean heh heh ha?”

“No, just the last part.”

“Ho ho ho?”

“Yes, that’s it! That’s how I want him to laugh. He needs to laugh a lot.”

“Why is that son?”

“I want my birthday to be something that makes people happy. Everyone takes things so seriously anymore. Everything has to be so politically correct.”

“I know what you mean. Life is supposed to be fun. I thought of making that a commandment.”

“You know, at career night, I almost chose Stand-up Comic instead of Savior. It was a close call.”

“It’s in your blood. You know I invented ‘funny’ way back before your time…”

“Yeah Dad, I have heard the story a hundred times. “Cut the boy in half.” you say, “Pardon me?” he says back. I’m not sure how much humor Abraham saw in it at the time. Can’t we just focus on my birthday?”

“Okay. How would you like the clown to make his entrance? I could send him riding down on a giant fire belching asteroid. That would be pretty God Damn spectacular. Sorry about that Dear!”

“Don’t make me come in there!”

“Okay Sugar Plum!”

“I’m not sure about the fire belching thing. You know, we live in a desert; thanks for that by the way. There is a big green movement going on right now. I don’t think we need something with a carbon footprint the size of Mount Sinai. Can’t he come in on something magical? Like a flying carpet.”

“I got it! How about a flying sleigh? The sight of a snow sleigh might make them forget, at least for the moment, that they are living on the ecological equivalent of a piece of toast.”

“Can you have the sleigh be pulled by penguins?”

“Get real. Who ever heard of flying penguins? I know, I will have reindeer pull the sleigh.”

“Perfect, this will be the best birthday ever. Now let’s talk about presents.”

Word count 493