You never know what your raising

Pregnant and married at 16
love of my life? Hell no! But
at that age, you think it's love

Had my first daughter at 17
my first son at 18
another daughter at 20
divorced by 21

I was a single mother for
14 years, "struggle" was my
middle name. Moved more
times than I can remember
Sometimes worked 2 jobs
to take make ends meet

No child support! Ha that's a joke
Judge ordered it, he also ordered
the father to see his children every
other weekend and during the summer

The kids would pack their bags and
wait on the steps of our home for
hours and hours waiting for him
many times, to show up
but he never did. Bastard!

I would make up a story that he called
and had car trouble or had to work, he never
called, he only cared about himself

I gave my children the best that I could
I went to college, got my associates in
order to make a better life for them

Protected them from harm
I gave them a great life
full of laughter, happiness,
good times, but above all
tons of love

But now I have sadness in my
heart. My mother always used to
tell me, "you never know what your
raising". I always thought that was
hogwash, but I was wrong.

I brought my children up to respect
elders, and especially to respect
me. I was promised a million times
that they would never hurt me the way
some of their friends had hurt their moms

But my mother was right. My son, whom
I loved and protected and gave him the world,
from, pee wee football, to baseball, to trumpet
lessons, all on a single parents salary has
betrayed me and disrespected me in a way
that I can't phantom a way to ever forgive

People say a "mothers love is unconditional", they
haven't walked in my shoes. My boy "John"
My little boy that said one day he would
buy me a big house with a white picket fence
my boy who dedicated that song "mama" by 2-pac
has cursed me and wished me dead
why you ask?

For a girl, a girl I welcomed into our family
with love and kindness, and even called her
my "princess". A girl that I once loved so very
much. Her name is "Erika". She gave birth to
my grandson in March, I saw him born, I helped
deliver my sweet grandson into this world
I was the 3rd person to hold him and kiss him

You see "they" have a "love - hate" relationship
always fighting and arguing, my husband always
said to stay out of it, but my boy would always call
me and beg me to come help him, she is abusive
at times and would hit my son.

And this is the reason why I no longer have
my son in my life, nor my grandson
Because my son called me to help him
there was an altercation and things got
really bad, my son left to come home to
us.

Only to go back to her. I received a text message
from my son telling me "don't text me or call me
anymore, Erika wants nothing to do with you or
the family and I want to be with her and my son
so stay out of my life, I don't care that it was
your blood shed on the table when I was born
Erika doesn't want you in our life"

UNCONDITIONAL? I can't he has burned a
bridge that he can never cross over again
he hurt all of our family, which includes his
sisters and stepsisters and his stepfather

He has allowed her to disrespect his mother
the woman that brought him into this world
and never let him down.

I cannot forgive this time, the pain is
so strong, it cuts me like a knife
I miss my grandson and I will never
get the chance to know him

A sadden Mother & Grandmother